Abandoned Mall #66

I am my own worse enema

self care is actually getting in fights with randoms in dark alleys

No self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.

self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes

*me at my bachelors party*

“I want my wife”

[white guy voice] protein

was going to say “at least i’m a better person than my father” but that’s? such a low bar, really? but it’s also not a lie, technically, so. better person than my father! at least. just casually stepping over that nearly-on-the-floor bar

*dumps Gatorade on bae after sex* good game

is he………you know…….*makes football throwing motion*….straight?

Trying to teach etiquette to an Australian

@nickinyourknickers

polyvore bandom was so wild

sir, you cannot name your son “Papa_Roach_Scars.mp3”, we just won’t allow it

when did I post this

“so are u doing anything special this valentine’s day ;)?”

me:

how to get a gf:

step 1: take girl into ur room

step 2: show her ur HotWheels® themed pc gaming station

step 3: enjoy having a new gf