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Too lazy to read Buzzfeed lists? We'll make it easy for you.
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newlists

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newlists
  1. Welcome To The Black Parade
  2. Welcome To The Black Parade
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  29. Welcome To The Black Parade
  30. Welcome To The Black Parade
  31. Welcome To The Black Parade
  32. Welcome To The Black Parade
  33. Welcome To The Black Parade 
newlists
  1. Oi Wet Slab, you Twab!
  2. Come here doctor fucking Robotnik
  3. Are you a Slam Poet or is that just your normal voice, you cock?
  4. What are thooooooooose
  5. Are you finnish? oh wait, I mean are you finished. this dish is terrible.
  6. For the last fucking time, I don’t own any shirts without sonic on them.
  7. I’m not Mary Berry in this scenario, you are. And I’m the two hosts.
  8. Mince Fuck!
  9. I would rather sit on my own fucking feet!
  10. Delete your blog!
  11. Get off the bus
  12. James!
  13. Have you seen mad max? you’re every bit of sand in that movie
  14. You’re the moss on the bottom of a bridge, to put it in cooking terms
  15. Fuck Mince!
  16. Listen, Tamp Balls,
  17. Just Shut It You Rope!
  18. This Macaroni is delicious.
newlists

you’re a red cabbage mate

newlists
  1. Sleeping with a full-size body pillow of Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion every night
  2. Sweating lots except for your sweat is red due to high chromium deposits in the body so it looks like you’re bleeding out of your armpits all the time 
  3. Being the poorly-voiced celebrity of the week on South Park
  4. Being in an awkward situation so you remove your head and put it in the arms of the person opposite you and then your head explodes like Alisa from Tekken
  5. Eating the bones  
  6. Just Liking To Have A Good Time And Kick Back With Some Doritos And Mtn Dew Sometimes
  7. Your prehensile tail 
  8. Having a wardrobe consisting entirely of Bazinga shirts or shirts that Sheldon has himself worn on the Big Bang Theory
  9. Having to take on exploitative work for unethical companies to survive under the late capitalist system
  10. Listening exclusively to Mahmoud Awad and Ke$ha, the only artists to truly reflect the female experience
  11. Loveing Meme’s
  12. Spending so much real money on stars in the Kim K game your home gets repossessed 
  13. The need to kill 
  14. Who Let The Dogs Out being the only song on your generation one iPod
  15. Having totally whack trucks on your longboard
  16. Not tying your laces
  17. Wishing we had chipotle sauce in all our meals
  18. Facing a powerful enemy
  19. Backflipping
  20. Counting
newlists
  1. inheriting your mums vauxhall corsa instead of your dads land rover
  2. that weird druid guy that lives out near your grandad
newlists
  1. #RavelsBolero
  2. #StagecoachBadman
  3. #IsThatNigelFarage?
  4. #SophisticatedEnoughToEatClementinesInPublic
  5. #ParticlePhysics
  6. #IfChaucersWorksWereSetToday
  7. #WhatTheHellIsAVine?
  8. #WhereAreMyWellingtonBoots
  9. #GetMeThatBenilyn
  10. #MegabusBadman
  11. #SockSaleNowOnAtDFS
  12. #FollowThatCar
  13. #WhatAboutMyConstituency
  14. #RickyGervaisFuckOff
  15. #GreggsBoycott
  16. #WhoIsTheChosenOne
  17. #TheQueenBreathesAgain
  18. #SuckYourMum
newlists
stillhereunfortunately
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biodegrade
  1. He was grown in a test tube.
  2. He can speak 30 languages, 3 of which are only spoken by wrestlers.
  3. He does not know there is a world outside of the WWE.
  4. There are hundreds of earlier versions of him frozen in an underground lab.
  5. He has troubling dreams about a vast blue emptiness above him that he doesn’t understand.
  6. Even though he is the perfect genetically engineered wrestler, a lone scientist secretly worked to make an improved version of him.
  7. His twin brother Dark John Cena is real and he is dangerous.
  8. Dark John Cena is full of rage and vengeance against the WWE and humanity as a whole for his creation and imprisonment.
  9. John Cena is the only thing powerful enough to face his brother. The clash between these two will decide the fate of the world.
  10. He wasnt really a US Marine.
newlists
  1. That haribo love heart just sitting there on the street! Quickly!
  2. the ice cream sandwich you made 30 seconds ago. it’ll melt
  3. If you don’t eat those chicken fillets you bought, they’ll go off
  4. If you’re really strapped for cash, your own leg probably would make a terrific sandwich
  5. Any people smaller than you. it will make you larger and more powerful
  6. If you need to impress a girl, eat this entire knife right now. it will look awesome.
  7. Any CDs you have lying about - eat them before Chris comes over and asks to borrow them
  8. If you don’t eat that wasp, who will?
  9. A copy of the Brixton Times. Media is changing and edible news is the latest attempt to re-energise the print industry.
  10. Pigeons! All of them! Hurry! They’re escaping!!!
  11. Keep an eye out for any rolls of Camembert. Useful if you need to repel any enemies with smelly breath.
  12. That poster you have of the Spice Girls
  13. Anything you want man, just do your thing, man, you know?
newlists
  1. Johnny Depp in "Mortdecai"
  2. Meryl Streep in "Kramer Vs Kramer"
  3. Alan Arkin in "Grosse Pointe Blank"
  4. Ivana Baquero in "Pan's Labyrinth"
  5. Every Jennifer Connelly role to date
newlists
  1. Ragho Da Silva, the sisyphean golem of soccer, who you'd summon on a saturday afternoon to even the numbers for a 5-a-side game
  2. Jonny's wee brother Sam who said he could do ronaldinho stepovers
  3. Kicking the ball into the river and having to go get it, swimming far far downriver, coming upon a forest glade, filled with morning dew long after noon. In the glade lay a beautiful princess, crying. You asked her why she was crying and as she turned to you, you realised her eyes were two bird's beaks. When you turned to run, your legs were rooted in place and the forest consumed you.
  4. Getting your driving license revoked because you were only 7.
  5. Your grandad's 50-yarder free kick which broke Adam's arm
  6. Getting banned from the school football pitch for insisting on Hibs' superiority over Hearts. 
  7. Those footballs that leaked squid ink when you kicked them
  8. telling your mates you had a trial with manchester united but you were actually going to gymnastics regionals and then had to tell them you were rejected from manchester united and could never admit you won regionals
  9. Accidentally destroying a Praying Mantis nest and having praying mantises swarm over you and the neighbours
  10. the goalposts in the park in hamilton drive, which let out bloodcurdling yelps when you hit the upright
  11. those jumpers you could buy in toymaster with inbuilt goal line technology
  12. The two escobars, a fascinating documentary offering insight into football (and politics) in Colombia which you watched round at Burnzy's house
  13. not bringing a ball to the park so having to roll one up out of rubbish like in We Love Katamari
  14. Scoring goals with your feet.
  15. Scoring goals with your hibiscus
  16. only wearing Nike shirts because stripey arms didnt match your aesthetic
  17. having to learn dutch for your trial at Ajax
  18. literally being Lionel Messi
  19. the one dipstick who forgot to bring his corner flag to practice
  20. when you all picked footballers you wanted to be during a match and one kid always went for Juan Sebastian Veron
  21. accidentally murdering the neighbour when sneaking into his garden to get the ball back
  22. Beautiful, bespoke silken socks
  23. arguing for hours about the fiercest rivalry between blackpool and Fleetwood town or Stoke City and Port Vale
  24. accidentally inventing Salomon Kalou
newlists
  1. Archibald
  2. Fizzgig
  3. Pitbull
  4. Dennis the Menace
  5. Scrapbert Doobert
  6. Metallica
  7. Hamlet
  8. Chipotle Mexican Grill
  9. Screwball 
  10. Connecticut
  11. Shadow the Hedgehog
  12. 420
  13. Ms Frizzle
  14. !!!
  15. Missingno
  16. Naruto
  17. Enoby Dark'Ness Dementia Raven Way
  18. Max Power
  19. Chardee MacDennis
  20. Jill
newlists
  1. You don't make enough money to live off and the only housing available is penthouses for Russian oligarchs to own for tax evasion purposes
  2. I mean I could go into reasons 2-57 but they're pretty much all derived from that
  3. Also, knife crime, I guess
newlists
  1. Paul McCartney
  2. The (or indeed any) Moon
  3. Actual food safe for humans to eat
  4. Dinosaur eggs
  5. The car Steve McQueen drives in Bullitt
  6. Bee Movie on Blu-Ray, complete with over two hours of Jerry Seinfeld asking, “What’s the deal with Bee Movie? On Blu-Ray?”
  7. MC Hammer
  8. An answer to your existential crises
  9. 1988 Honda NSX
  10. Directions to the nearest McDonalds
  11. Bespoke, hand crafted furniture
  12. Burger King products (not even a Whopper and especially not two Whoppers)
  13. McGruff, the Crime Dog
  14. McGriff, the Crime Dog
  15. Just one friend who will listen to you for once even for a second
  16. Your Pokemon healed. No, apparently you have to take them to a “Pokemon Center” and anyway, sir, those only exist “in the game”
  17. Prizes for eating lots and lots of salt
  18. Boat
  19. McFlurry-
  20. WAIT!
  21. McFlurry served in a cowboy hat and a gun in it instead of a spoon and bullets instead of the ice cream
  22. McFurry, my heavily erotic, burger-based animal zine
  23. Tickets to a cinema screening of You, Me & Dupree
  24. The car Steve McQueen chases in Bullitt
  25. A positive reaction to climbing up on to the counter and humming the entirety of Megadeth’s Hangar 18 - DESPITE the fact that you nailed those guitar solos I mean you absolutely nailed them
#food cw //
newlists
  1. Headless Halloween by R.L. Stine
  2. Ghost Camp by R.L. Stine
  3. Beware of the Purple Peanut Butter by R.L. Stine 
  4. The Cuckoo Clock of Doom by R.L. Stine
  5. Invasion of the Body Squeezers: Part One by R.L. Stine
  6. How I Got My Shrunken Head by R.L. Stine
  7. Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes by R.L. Stine
  8. Slappy's Nightmare by R.L. Stine 
  9. The Blob That Ate Everyone by R.L. Stine
  10. Say Cheese & Die... Again! by R.L. Stine
  11. My Hairiest Adventure by R.L. Stine
  12. The Ghost Next Door by R.L. Stine
  13. Why I'm Afraid of Bees by R.L. Stine
  14. Secret Agent Grandma by R.L. Stine
  15. Invasion of the Body Squeezers: Part Two by R.L. Stine
  16. Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi
newlists
  1. You’re going down punk,
  2. just you FUCKNG WAIT!!
  3. You will learn that this fandom is far worse than you will ever want to know.
  4. We may seem soft
  5. and shy,
  6. but we’re just being NICE!
  7. We can be cold,
  8. cruel,
  9. mean,
  10. and make you suffer
  11. and wish you had never said what you said.
  12. We can send you into the farthest most empty reaches of the galaxy,
  13. summon demons to our disposal to make you suffer,
  14. and make you feel the feelings that we experience,
  15. and don’t fucking think
  16. for a single
  17. goddamn
  18. second
  19. that’s easy!
  20. The amount of emotions that would boil inside of you would literally kill you.
  21. So keep
  22. your
  23. motherfucking
  24. distance
  25. and we won’t hurt you,
  26. so stay the hell back,
  27. asshole.
  28. If you so much as insult us one more time,
  29. we will bring firey hell upon you
  30. and bitch slap you
  31. into oblivion.
  32. Your move, 
  33. dildo.
newlists
  1. Visible only to the Scottish eye
  2. The same as the British Pound except the Queen has a Hitler moustache drawn on 
  3. Reference Macbeth by covering all of the money in blood and no matter what you do you can’t get the blood off and your wallet and pockets get filled with blood all the time 
  4. Just join the Eurozone or something I dunno
  5. Print the notes in the tartans of the most powerful Scottish clans
  6. Dig up all the obsolete Irish Pounds and use them
  7. Put the cast of Taggart on all the notes and replace the Queen on coins with Robbie Coltrane from Cracker
  8. Establish a Benedictine Mint at Buckfast Abbey
  9. Convert the entire nation to Bitcoin 
  10. Deep-fry it 
newlists
  1. the titty grow big 
  2. the titty make milk 
  3. behind every bra, you will find titties 
  4. i can see titty right now
  5. 2 is most common number for titty 
  6. nipples exist independently of the titty
  7. barbie only known example of titty existing independently of nipples 
  8. having titty not limited to women
  9. liking titty not limited to babies
  10. tit is both a type of bird and synonym for the titty
  11. booby is also both a type of bird and synonym for the titty
  12. mascot of the usa is a bird with no relation to titties. mascot of france is woman with titty out
  13. st agatha is patron saint of the titty 
  14. cow’s milk comes from cow titties but almond milk does not 
  15. almond titties not yet identified by science, the search continues
  16. breast cancer awareness is a form of exploitative and unhelpful corporate shilling that does little to help those actually affected by breast cancer whilst perpetuating tired and objectifying gender stereotypes
#nsfw text
newlists
  1. Staying hydrated by drinking plenty of mineral water
  2. Seeing who amongst your friends can stay hydrated the longest
  3. Blind mineral water taste tests
  4. Enjoying the feeling of hydration after a period of dehydration
  5. Sipping your mineral water gently as you read a good book
  6. Pouring a bit of your mineral water on your potted cactus
  7. Haha you've had that thing for so long
  8. Remember when Laura nearly sat on it at that party last year?
  9. Hahaha, oh Laura
  10. Must remember to call her, actually
  11. Treating yourself to a slice of lemon in your mineral water
  12. Knocking your mineral water over outside but, miraculously, the glass doesn't shatter. Lads, look. It didn't even shatter!
  13. Lads?
  14. Oh right!
  15. They're all inside, enjoying their mineral water with a good book
newlists
  1. Waking up at 10am
  2. Pulling on your pyjamas with little horsies on them
  3. Yawning as you pull open the curtains
  4. Commenting on the weather
  5. "Oh no,rain!” you could say, if applicable
  6. Wandering downstairs
  7. Popping a couple of rounds of bread in the toaster
  8. Putting the news on and staring in disbelief
  9. What, MORE crime?
  10. MORE?!
  11. We’ve had enough crime!
  12. Enough!
  13. Enough is enough!
  14. Day in, day out
  15. Crimes!
  16. Criminals everywhere doing massive crimes all the BLOODY time
  17. STOP IT!!!!!!
  18. Pulling up at the farmers’ market several hours later