NPH is a man of no boundaries- These are all 100% true things he's actually said, I'm not kidding

"If you're given the chance to have a swastika painted on your ass, glitter on your nipples, and to simulate sex with a man and a woman behind a curtain, then do it- provided it's Cabaret on Broadway, and not in some dude's basement."

"I'm more worried about my eyebrows than having to tuck my wiener down with duct tape."

"Put a condiment on your sausage and your wife won't get crabs."

(On making out with Cobie)

"It's new for me. It's a fun new feeling downstairs."

"It was a very strange feeling having the tail of a snake wrapped around your stuff."

"It's not fondling if you're not feeling anything."

"I was equally horned up as Barney, pre and post coming out."

(On his role in How I Met Your Mother)

"I never thought I'd get to make out with so many chicks. It's like... A lot. I once dry humped an old lady. And then I came to work."

"Now I can do more porn and you guys won't think badly of me!"

(Concerning his Rolling Stone cover)

"We didn't know what to do with my erection. It just didn't seem to be going away. So they were like "let's put a hat on it," and I was like "okay."

"I should have taken the Stormtrooper costume because Cobie and I had sex in it. While she was wearing it."

"I think I'm like one-sixth robot. And it's the bottom sixth, if you know what I mean."

(After a man leaving Hedwig commented "thanks for the lapdance")

"Thanks for the boner."

"I just hope my porn career doesn't affect my future filmmaking."

"I never thought that snorting coke off the ass of a stripper would reinvent my career so well."

"I think she [Alyson] was the heart of the show, whereas Josh was the brains, Jason was the spirit, Cobie the soul, and I was the cock."

"[The Emcee] is an eerie metaphor for fascism, and the great thing about being an eerie metaphor for fascism is you get to mess with people. You can make out with, or grope or fondle or bite or spit on anyone in the cast at any time, bound only by the laws of the State of New York and Actors' Equity, which you discover draws the line somewhere between grabbing a girls' cans and an over-the-pants handjob. Nor is your reign of terror limited only to your cast mates. Studio 54 has (appropriately) cabaret-style seating, with the audience sitting on tables, and you are free to roam among the crowd, sit on laps, flirt, dance, maybe lick a neck or two. You know the point of the show is that power corrupts, but gosh, the corruption is fun."

(On his full-frontal scene in the play, The Paris Letter)

"And exactly what you hoped would happens happens: the first time you're naked onstage, you think to yourself, yep, that's my dick hanging out there onstage. Yep. Looks...looks kind of like a dick. The fear turns out to be much ado about nothing. Well, not NOTHING, but less than a foot."

(On his Gone Girl costar, Rosamund Pike)

"Who wouldn't want to be humped and destroyed by this one?"

"I spend a lot of time trying to track down wonderful underwear, something both sexy and practical. My current favorite brand is N2N. They're perfectly designed to honor the goods and not smash them. Their briefs rule."

(Noting a famous song and performance from Flashdance)

"You either wanted to be the one getting soaked, or, y'know, you wanted to soak her."

(On his fling with a male German circus performer)

"All in all, it was a very seminal week"

*You know you saw what you did there

"Tune in to David Letterman this week. He asks to see my bare ass. #justsaying"

"Hey, Seth Meyers, your very sexy wife was waiting for me backstage after my segment. She smells like heaven."

"David Letterman is like a father to me. A very sexy father."

"Hi, I'm Katy Perry, and I'm going to be on How I Met Your Mother this week."

"Hi, I'm Neil Patrick Harris, and I'm going to be on Katy Perry this week."

"Katy Perry doing a magic illusion on the Grammys just gave me a boner. Is that wrong?"

(On pineapple juice)