my brain clenches like a fist i am sweet & i am violent ✎ sylvie baumgartel / we often believe that to be loved we must be perfect ✎ marya hornbacher.

Nine Realms in Norse Mythology

Ken has accepted that his true destiny and ultimate desire in life is to be a trophy boyfriend and he’s content with that. I’m happy for him.

himbo. 

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i’m running out of teardrops…

‘Race and racism is a reality that so many of us grow up learning to just deal with. But if we ever hope to move past it, it can’t just be on people of color to deal with it. It’s up to all of us – Black, white, everyone – no matter how well-meaning we think we might be, to do the honest, uncomfortable work of rooting it out. It starts with self-examination and listening to those whose lives are different from our own. It ends with justice, compassion, and empathy that manifests in our lives and on our streets.’ — Michelle Obama

reblog the Don Draper of getting a job he’s unqualified for and you’ll have 10 years of getting jobs you’re unqualified for

YES

No but my dad actually did this at McDonalds in the 70s!

So here’s a true story: my father, sometime in the 70s was looking for his first job. He went to the local McDonalds and told the staff, [manager’s name] said I was supposed to start today. They took his word for it and started training him and by the time the manager saw him and asked who he was, people just said “oh that’s the new guy.”

Somehow this actually worked. My dad worked there for a couple of years as a cook. He even won an award plaque which he had on the wall until the day he died.

Confidence Helps

Me, walking into FBI Headquarters:

“Name’s Burt Macklin, I work here now.”

i finally did it. i finally made a video of some of my favorite spongebob quotes in the whole series. i finally fucking did it

HALLOWEEN IS CANCELLED TODAY IS MCR REUNION DAY

•the stranger is always watching:.

The Bad Sex Poem

(i)

you taste like vanilla

and i fuck you like an apology

like apathy

like let’s just get this over with

let me give you something to relieve my guilt

that i can’t give you more

and then let me leave you

in this empty passionless place.

(ii)

four in the morning

i’m on top of you still mostly dressed

your friend asleep on the end of the bed

it hurts and you come inside me

and i leave before you wake up

never hearing from you again.

(iii)

your kisses are all teeth

your limbs are all confusion

your speech is all obnoxious

and your thank you as i’m leaving

is more than a bit unwanted.

(iv)

the sex is good

not much bad to say about that

but afterwards

you tell me to sleep on the couch

you insult my joy and passion

you say this can never happen again

you say no poems

shouldn’t have fucked me then

cos i’m all poems

and all deflated resentment

for the boy who fucks with hands and no heart.

(v)

again, the sex isn’t bad

but we do it in pitch black

just a quickie on the couch

of which you erase all evidence afterwards

and say this was nothing

can’t go falling in love

too bad

that i’d already fallen

and was now falling

backwards in pitch black.

(vi)

it was partially my fault the sex was bad

i was dry as the fucking sahara

but i told you to do it anyway

like i had to cross it off a list or something

and it was cold and the ground was hard

and god knows i regret it.

(vii)

look the sex was great

filthiest shit of my career

but i just want to call you out

for the way i’d suck you off for a good ten minutes

giving your asshole a hearty lick while i was down there

then you’d fuck me for two or three

before saying you’re so tired

and coming in my mouth

before getting up

and getting dressed

and leaving,

you selfish prick.  

(viii)

on my list of people i had sex with

i only count you as a half

and that half is due to your bitch ass

putting it in anyway

when i said i didn’t want to have sex with you

fuck you,

my pussy’s not your plaything.

(ix)

now upon reflection

of the previous stanzas of this poem

this was probably the worst fuck

the worst of the worst of the worst

you know i was all ready for it

till you turned into the biggest fuckboy cunt

and stopped my juices flowing like you’d

turned a fucking tap

and when i said i didn’t want to have sex with you

you said sure you do

and i went along with it cos it was easier

and i hate myself for it

and i was near tears the whole damn time  

and when i decided to let you fuck me

you said i dOn’t wAnnA wEar a cOndom

and i made you wear one anyway

but hell,

i should of got my ass right out of your bed.   

Me: hey brain could we maybe do something

Brain: No. It is now time for Sit In The Bathroom and stare at Wall for an hour

Me: oh okay

kinda weird that u can think about someone as much as u want and they have no idea

ORANGINA　オランジーナ　

hey quick question what the fuck? hey, just, just a real quick question, what the Fuck

don’t act like you don’t know exactly what’s going on

fair point. let me amend my question: WHY the fuck

how did this post miss the best 3 ones:

Those are absolutely the best three.

is France ok