Untitled

kinda pissed about not being a mermaid

u have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting 

"hey since you’re up can u-"

*sits down*

do you wanna have sex?

a) please

b) now

c) a + b

So I just found out that to be an astronaut you can’t be under 5’2” and this is BULLSHIT I never wanted to be an astronaut until I found out I couldn’t and now I feel like a dream has been crushed fuck you NASA

i don’t want to live in a world where we can’t launch danny devito into space

So I stumbled across the IMDB page for Rebel Wilson, and let me tell you, this girl is awesome.

and THAT is why this girl rocks harder than pop rocks.

my coworker just told me about a kid he knew in second grade that was really allergic to peanuts but one day during lunch he said that he couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to know what reeses taste like so he pulled out his epipen, ate the reese cup then stabbed himself with the epipen and told the teacher to call the hospital and that kid is the most hardcore kid I’ve ever heard of I wanna be his friend 

ripping out someone one’s headphones is the 8th deadly sin

if tumblr university was a thing i wouldn’t hesitate to set it on fire 

can you believe the animation errors in frozen

and girls were complaining they couldn’t relate to the new Grand Theft Auto game….

I have to say that the single most important lesson I learned in 25 years talking every single day to people was that there is a common denominator in our human experience. Most of us, I tell ya, we don’t want to be divided. What we want—the common denominator that I found in every single interview—is that we want to be validated. We want to be understood.

I’ve done over 35,000 interviews in my career, and as soon as that camera shuts off everyone always turns to me and inevitably in their own way ask this question: “was that ok?”

I heard it from President Bush. I heard it from President Obama. I’ve heard it from heroes and from housewives. I’ve heard it from victims and perpetrators of crime. I even heard it from BE-YON-CÉ in all of her Beyoncé-ness. She finishes performing, hands me the microphone, and says “was that ok?” [x]

Every princess needs a blaster.