she attention deficit on my hyperactivity til i disorder

How

our downstairs neighbor has a motion activated doorbell camera and recently made a snip on how we come home with takeout all the time and commented on our spending habits (its not btw. its people giving us leftovers and groceries)

so now that i know she watches the footage daily of the hallway we have to walk through to get to our room i make sure to deliberately stop in front of the camera and show her everything we get like a makeup/skincare influencer

today i went to a gardening ceremony for my deceased loved one to show support and won a porcelain chicken at bingo with 40 something old ladies

^ pov recreation you are my downstairs neighbor getting a load of my awesome fucking chicken

she saw it btw and said “um…. what was the chicken about” do you not appreciate her?

she stands very well her name is sweetling and she protects our sweet things

HEY WAIT A MINUTE!! Wasnt there a post like that? Like someone liveblogged being attacked and they just played possum because they felt awkward?? Or maybe they pretended to drown in someone’s pool just to be a dick and didn’t know when to stop until they were hidden in a closet. Or something

Am I making sense to anyone?

You are my hero for finding this

It’s time.

*isolates myself* perfect! but why am i sad

*socializes* perfect! how do I get out of here

people new to tumblr angry about being blocked or writing huge paragraphs about why they chose to block someone like i promise you it’s not that deep i once blocked someone because their blog was obnoxiously orange and i hate the color orange

extradimensional beings are doing this to me right now

ohh wow

what the fuck

HEY THAT WAS A WILD 6.5 seconds

*walks into this like a roadrunner cartoon*

i can't find the original tweet and when i google it all i get are transmisogynists circlejerking over how awful it was on talk shows, but i think about that one tweet that's like "i want to get a uterus transplant so i can be the first trans woman to get an abortion" at LEAST once a week. her MIND

god it's even better than i remembered

Bulbasaur was never the same after that day 🐉

Omg omg I got a bulbasaur at build a bear and I was kinda embarrassed about buying it for myself and stuff but there weren’t any other kids in the store or shoppers for that matter and the girl helping me said she was glad to here it was for me as she collects some plushies and has her own bulbasaur.

Well she was almost done stuffing him and then I noticed that you can put scents in your bear and fucking love cotton candy and the girl basically car salesmen style sold me on the scent pad and asked where I wanted the scent to go

And I didn’t know where it should go but she herself being quite the plushie enthusiast was like “you’re gonna hug him a lot right? may I reccomend right here” and pointed to his forehead

So I was like “awe cute yeah that sounds good” (my bulbasaur is totally stuffed mind you and I even had her make him extra firm )

and then the girl rolls up her sleeves and was like “alright bulbasaur! Here we go! I apologize in advance but this is gonna look very inappropriate!”

And she fisted my super full bulbasaur all the way to her elbow saying sorry to him and to me over and over again. It took her several tries to get the scent pad in place since my bulbasaur was so stuffed and she looked like she was straining and saying “I don’t know why they didn’t think about this design more, so many parents are gonna complain about this one day, I know it”

So all in all this was the best build a bear experience I’ve had since I was a little kid and I love my fat, cotton candy scented, anally inclined bulbasaur to pieces

Every time I see this post I cant stop fucking laughing

Do better.

elon musk had a third child with grimes that he kept secret until the release of his biography. he named it techno mechanicus

can you imagine being an adult nepo baby at a company your rich dad invested in and having to walk into the boardroom first day like. hi everyone. my name is techno mechanicus

I can tell this is fake because "techno mechanicus" doesn't start with X

OH SON OF A BITCH

I haven't been reblogging this post because I genuinely assumed you guys were Goncharoving a nepo baby