I Will - Mitski

playlist for different moods

heart rush - for when you are smitten and blush everytime you see someone

oh, honey honey - that romantic comedy type of love that you wish to have one day

heatwave - under the harsh sun, covered in sweat and everything feels like it’s on fire

lucky strike - it’s the middle of the day and you’re on the long empty road and the warm sticky air blows through your hair

venus in taurus - for the fragile and deeply in love 

the good side - you woke up, the sun glimmers through the window, you hear distant sounds of other lives waking up, everything will be okay

on the rocks - a party has finally died down, you and your friends are in a daze cleaning things up in a dark lit room and your skin feels like glitter and smoke

hold on a sec i’m having an out of body experience - it’s the middle of the night and you desperately want to be anywhere but here so you dance it out

graveyard shift - for when you’re driving at night going nowhere in particular, and your only companion are the soft yellow street lights and hum of your car

in the present with you - when you’re hopelessly in love and want to spend today, tomorrow, and the rest of tomorrows with someone

after hours - lights off, skin to skin, touch starved and a hunger for desire

five drinks in - alcohol swims in you as you softly sip on your drink and all you want is to place your head on someone’s shoulder, close your eyes, and feel the world slowly spin around you

levitating - you’re head is in the clouds, butterflies feel like they’re fluttering all over your skin, the world in your head feels effervescent 

best new emojis in the 2020 emoji update

The only ones u need really

it’s bacchanal time, baby: songs for when you infiltrate a group of classics students and you all love each other. you hold a bacchanal together and see spectacular visions of dionysus and immortality in the midst of ecstasy. when you return to your body you feel you do not know yourself and question if you ever can. the light of the fire is dying and you’re covered in blood. you’re all covered in blood.

lime green slushies & god: you’re in a gas station food mart in the middle of the night and you meet someone. you know they’re not human, but they might be. all you know is that they’re holy. and you’re not. you get a bright green slushie and want to ask them for guidance. they pay for your slushie. you’re neon now.

bottom of a hotel pool: it’s your birthday and you’re at the bottom of a hotel pool. you know you should come back up. you know you shoulld go to the candles and frosting. you stay at the bottom and listen to the muffled thunder in the the distance. you feel the water’s divine power within you and you know you can breathe.

literary liaisons: you’re following your crush in the library. you’re taking note of the books they pick up, picking up one of your own. an hour before close, you go back to the shelf they went to and pick up their book. through the shelf’s gaps, you lock eyes with them. who’s following who now? and why? There’s a metallic taste in your mouth, and you lick your lips.

pink silk & poison: the sweet smell of the rose oil you’re putting on your body hangs in the air. the doorbell rings. you wrap yourself in your pink silk robe and go down to open the door. it’s the police. your husband has died. at least he left you his will. you turn up the volume of the record player.

motel terrors and subtext: there’s a boy in a motel room on his knees with a gun to his head. there’s a girl in a motel room with her finger on the trigger. a bottle breaks. that means ‘i love you’. you shut your eyes. what a pair.

glitter pluming between us: you’re in a club where everything is washed in blue lights. there’s a boy with glitter dusting his cheekbones and he’s all you can see or want. you should be the villains in each other’s stories. but under the lights and music all you can feel is love. you’re both in the alley now and out here the glitter cuts like a knife.

season of the witch: it’s near halloween and you’re discovering a new kind of power. in the hidden section of your university library you discover grimoires. in yourself you discover magic. somehow you know your whole life’s path has led you here.

get your lyres out, boys: you’re the oracle of delphi. amidst the smoke of incense and offerings of grapes and honey you witness history. the rage of achilles, the burden of atlas, the flight of icarus. time does not exist.

raging feminist: you’re a raging feminist. you’re dismantling the patriarchy and rallying. you’re discovering the power in femininity and womanhood.

sunday morning cappuccinos: it’s sunday morning and you wake up early to the smell of breakfast. you pull on a cashmere sweater and go into the kitchen of your loft where your lover is pouring you coffee. you both have goals and are working to achieve them. it’s cold and you make plans to have a movie night together in the warmth.

all this, and love too, will ruin us: you’re in love for the first time and you feel like you’ve discovered something no one ever has. you’re consumed and can swallow the world whole.

I just really want to say that the BLM movement is not a 2020 disaster by any means. I know a lot of ppl keep saying that this year keeps getting worse but I think that black voices finally being heard is a sign of improvement

send anti-recommendations. sick of seeing which books i should read. please send books that i should not read at any cost. lengthy explanations necessary and appreciated

tag yourself: children’s series that aren’t Harry Potter edition

I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.

I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?

All right buckle the fuck up kids, it’s the year 2012 and I’ve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. It’s a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I haven’t edited a single thing in months which isn’t about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice there’s a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see I’m not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. It’ll be dead by page 24, but I don’t know that yet. I’m just editing one more vampire boner fest.

The MC is a girl who we’ll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girl™, Sue is Not Like Other Girls™, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boy™ for a boyfriend. We’ll call him Dickhead.

Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One™ but he loves her really so it’s okay. Except it’s not okay because Sue is a Good Girl™ and holding out till marriage which he’s fine with except he’s got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words “hey stud” and he follows, dick out before she’s even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she’s a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he’ll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now he’s a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause it’s about to get weirder.

Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love™ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! He’s been “instinctively protecting her from rapists” by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because that’s not fucking terrifying at all.

Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only she’d let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can’t decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I don’t mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.

If you’ve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.

So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: “her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn’t stop”

This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be “god fucking dammit” as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.

When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with “a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower” (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, there’s more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.

A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART” and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn’t take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.

And that’s the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. You’re all fucking WELCOME.

Botanical Witches by Célia Beauduc