Natrex

Kind of a Reddit AITA post but sometimes it is a little funny to fuck with people in ways that deliberately conform to a stereotype of what they must think of you. the other day I was talking to my friend and I randomly said that I wanted a pet chimpanzee. I'd dress it in person clothes (dungarees and hats) and I'd teach it to love science fiction. And this girl nearby was like "you know how dangerous those things are, right? Also how unethical it is to keep an ape as your pet for your own amusement" and I was already seeing where the conversation was going so I was pretending ignorance like "yea but it wouldn't just be for my amusement. It would have practical points too." And she ignored that statement entirely to say "Well chimpanzees can rip faces off" and I was like. What's the most frustrating thing I can say now. Finally settled on "Mine wouldn't do that though." and you could tell she wanted to hurt me very very badly. Like a chimpanzee would if I had one as a pet

imagine how sweet it would be if like fuckin cnn or somethin cut to england and like people were devouring the royal family live on camera

even the baby one i dont give a fuck

are you seriously advocating for eating a toddler or am i fuckin illiterate 

actually when i made this post it was a baby

certified iconic post

straight people ARE stinky

wig!

certified iconic post

GOD today i served a family of 3 and the dad was like “i’ll have a cappuccino” and the kid, a girl of about 11, was like “PLEASE.” and he was like “uh yeah. please” and the kid goes “well you’re always telling me to remember my manners!!! you should too!!” and i was cracking up

and then she was standing there w her mum while i made their drinks and i asked if the mum wanted chocolate sprinkles and she was like “yes please” and the kid goes “well at least SOMEONE remembered their manners” and then sighed dramatically and HEELYED AWAY and honestly? not sure how to go on knowing i’ll never be as cool as this 11 year old

Imagine being a side character in the freaky Friday reboot and not even knowing it

this is the only funny thing anyone has added to this fucking post

So I had Session 0 for my new Pathfinder campaign last night. I wrote a series of 10 questions every player would need to answer about their backstory.

One of my players insisted he would be breaking out of his comfort zone by not creating an Edgelord character for once (his words).

He then submitted his backstory for approval and I broke down laughing because I guess his idea of what makes a character an EdgeLord is the broodiness and not the trauma. This was the most traumatic shit I've ever read, but written in a fucked up cheerful way.

Anyway, I approved his concept. I think it will actually fit the campaign pretty well.

jokes aside i think it’s amazing and heartwarming to see like 4chan incel bros perform the miracle of crawling out of that hole and becoming real human beings and chronicling their journey to realizing that they can be well adjusted happy normal dudes

Where’s the post about the guy who turned his life around bc of his shrimp? Bc that’s very relevant here

This guy. This makes me so happy

ID: Anonymous 4chan post: Shrimp saved my life.

end ID.]

Your sixth most recent emoji is how your guardian angel feels about you

I think about Power Wash Simulator a lot more than I should. The gameplay wasn't great (it was passable for a 'something to do with your hands' kind of game, but it's no Hardspace: Shipbreaker on Open Shift or anything) but it lives rent free in my head for having such a batshit story presentation. I cannot stop thinking about how they actually made that.

It shows something that I think most horror games lack, a division between the character’s mission and the story plot. Power Wash did a great job of feeling like the character is falling down a rabbit hole as a side effect of just doing their job.

It’s held together by loose threads that tighten up as the story goes on, slowly converging into being one thing.

The plot is not suspenseful, it’s just there and it waits for you.

It's also extremely funny how they manage to tie the plot not just into power washing, but into the limited functions that you expect from a power wash simulator. Like through the whole thing the ONLY things you can do are what you would expect from a power wash simulator -- accept jobs, clean stuff, and receive messages from clients. You don't have other functions that a guy who also has a power wash business would be able to do, you can only do Power Wash Simulator stuff. They commit to the bit. They do not cheat and give you extra abilities. You experience the entire story as a power wash simulation and a power wash simulation ONLY and that is just so incredibly funny to me.

It has plot???

It has the most unhinged plot that you could possibly put in a power wash simulator. There's time travel and aquatic precursors to humanity and an averted apocalypse involved and all you do is power wash.

I’ve never seen this breed of dog as a puppy I just kind of assumed they appeared every full moon fully grown and already the size of a horse

QUICK DOODLES FROM THIS RECENT EPISODE WILL DEFINITELY DO MORE CAUSE THAT WAS SO FUNNY IM LOVING RHE BLACK SEA ARC RN

“wearing all pink to the barbie movie” “wearing full suits to the minion movie” the children yearn for themed parties

blorbo doesn't cut it that thing is my squeaky toy and i'm a dog with a strong kill instinct. shaking it shaking it shaking it shaking it

:3c

My contempt towards a brand is directly proportional to how often they interrupt my playlists.

My late father was the one who taught me to be cynical about advertising, for all that putting up ads was literally his whole job. He taught me from a very young age that advertising is expensive, and they tack that cost onto the price. That if something is heavily advertised, you can count on the fact that there's an identical product out there, usually even manufactured in the same factory, that's cheaper because they don't spend all that money on advertising.

A German friend walked me through Lidl, turning over items to show the factories where the items were manufactured and what expensive brands they correspond to, we did taste tests on some of the more pricey food things later and they were the same product. learning about food manufacturing was a hobby for her.

European glasses and sunglasses are made in the same Italian factories that make the luxury ones, they have the same quality control and warranty. You are paying €100 for a logo.

Some things cost more because they are actually made with better quality materials and where the workers are properly compensated, others are the same product as the off brand version with the brand name markup. It takes a lifetime to learn the intricacies which is why consumer advocacy associations and legal protection by (truly) independent agencies is crucial.

I just saw someone say the words "jokingly gaslight" this might be a good time to reintroduce the internet to the terms "lying" or perhaps "pranking" or even just "joking" on it's own

Okay, say it with me guys…

If you are giving someone wrong information in the hopes that they'll believe that it's true, then that's lying.

If you are giving someone wrong information under the assumption that they'll ultimately realise that it's false, and that they will find this funny, then that's joking.

If you are giving someone wrong information in the hopes that they'll believe that it's true and that their response will be funny, then that's a prank.

If you are giving someone wrong information in the hopes that they will notice the differences between your presentation of reality and their perception of it, and come to doubt their ability to judge what is and is not real, then that's gaslighting.

now dont leave this in the tags

If you are giving someone wrong information and you assume they will know it is wrong, in hopes that they will play along, then that’s a bit.

hes an old man to YOU to me hes a beautiful young maiden. and also an old man

he always plays williams interactions with summer so fucking weirdly i thought he was pretending to have a crush but i suppose my boy is just That Bad At Flirting

Light and Tears my Twitter: https://twitter.com/wood_dorr

i love saying the foundations of decay is gillion under the elders coded (bc to me it is) but i love that the last lines are “yes it comforts me much more to lay in the foundations of decay” but then “get up coward.”

because yes its better and easier to lay in what there is, what you were taught, and the wreckage of what you once built up, BUT you have to get up. you have to continue. you have to fight and learn to build more for yourself because you cant just lay still in the past and the remains of what you once knew.

and ultimately (to me at least) thats what gillion has to do, and what he’s been doing. he’s learning that the elders weren’t all what he knew them to be. his final sin is that he hates them. he has to get up and establish new things for himself, and not because it is his supposed “Destiny.”

the song is about the past, and Your past, and faith, and fighting through it, and staying where you are because its more comfortable because its all youve known for YEARS, but it also has the undertones of knowing you Can’t Do That. you have to get up at some point.