forgive me father for I have sinned in all the coolest and most glamorous ways possible

Draco Malfoy probably

Jenna B. Lacey, age eleven, knew exactly what she was going to do with her life.

She was going to go to Hogwarts, get top grades, and be the youngest female Minister of Magic by age 35.

It would have been a good plan, if she hadn’t been in the same year as Harry Potter.

*   *   *   

Year one started out great. She was sorted into Hufflepuff, did well in all her classes, and aced the exams.

A troll smashed its way through the study room she was in on Halloween, but that wasn’t going to deter her. 

*   *   *   

Year two was a disaster. People were getting petrified, and worse—the teachers had to herd them from place to place, which severely cut down on her library time. She had to study in the common room, which meant instead of a nice, quiet atmosphere, she got a soundtrack of nervous Hufflepuffs.

And on top of that, exams were cancelled. It was a disaster.

*   *   *   

Third year, she started to notice a trend.

First the troll, than the petrifications, and now dementor guards and escaped convicts. What did they all have in common? Potter.

After Black broke in and everyone had to spend the night in the Great Hall, interrupting Jenna’s last minute studying for a test the next day, she took to giving Potter angry looks in every class.

He did not notice.

*   *   *   

They announced the Triwizard tournament at dinner the first night of fourth year, and Jenna almost started crying.

Potter was going to take this one over. She just knew it.

And she was right.

Voldemort rose at the end of the year. She honestly didn’t know what she had expected.

*   *   *    

Fifth year brought Umbridge. She joined the DA because she was going to need a better background in defense, but that didn’t mean she was any happier about Potter.

She imagined it was him she was hexing instead of Zachariah Smith.

But, by the end of the year, focus on her studies was impossible. After Dumbledore left, it was complete anarchy.

Potter’s fault. Of course.

*   *   *   

Sixth year she started volunteering in the hospital wing. She needed a backup plan in case Potter fucked it up.

All seemed quiet, until they brought Malfoy in. It was apparently Potter’s fault, which surprised everyone except Jenna.

Later, she was peacefully studying in a little nook on the third floor when some Death Eaters and some other adults started dueling right under her nose.

This was the worst fucking school, honestly.

*   *   *   

They were calling it “The Final Battle.”

Jenna ran through the hall, dodging in and out of the children evacuating, until she saw him. 

“POTTER.”

He turned, startled. “Um—Jenna, right? We’re sort of busy—”

She grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him up until he was eye level with her. “If I’m not Minister of Magic by age 35, it is going to be entirely your fault and I’m going to hurt you.”

She dropped him and stormed away, leaving him to whatever he was doing. She had to fight this goddamn war so she could go back to her fucking studying.

*   *   *   

She became Minister of Magic at age 36.

Fucking Potter.

I think I just found the best Harry Potter fanfic

this needs to be a short film

This Is the End (2013) dir. Seth Rogen & Evan Goldberg

Even better when you think about how Dan got a place for himself in NY to continue his career, Emma went to a school in USA, and Rupert bought a fucking ice cream truck.

Follow your dreams Rupert

I didn’t know this. So I looked it up and - HE ACTUALLY DID.

‘I keep my van well stocked. It’s got a proper machine that dispenses Mr Whippy ice cream and I buy my lollies wholesale – 50 for a tenner – so I never run short. I’m not allowed to sell my merchandise. I’d need a licence for that. ‘I tend to avoid July and August, but the rest of the year I’ll drive around the local villages and if I see some kids looking like they’re in need of ice creams, I’ll pull over and dish them out for free. They’ll say, “Ain’t you Ron Weasley?” And I’ll say, “It’s strange, I get asked that a lot.”

It makes it even better that he just GIVES the icecream away. [Source]

“i would need a license to sell ice cream so I drive around and give it out free to children”

Draco is bad at Muggle Tech

I needed a distraction today … anyone else need one? 

Follow this link for the full version 

this class was later removed from the curriculum

More like GRIFT-indor amirite 🦁 Also this week on the Patreon comic we have Kevin paying a visit to the kitchen elves, sign up for $1 to read it: www.patreon.com/emilyscartoons https://www.instagram.com/p/B9d-lRMntb4/?igshid=qxsmp24dngnj

Looking for MCD or heavy angst drarry fics if anyone has any recommendations!! I’ve read barely any so if you have a favourite this is your chance, and feel free to do a self-rec (that way I’ll know who to run to when I’m done hehe) 

Infidelity and (Dis)honesty by @fleetofshippyships

Harry wakes up after a party naked in Malfoy’s bed. He has no memory of what happened. The first thing he does, is tell his wife.

These two fics had me crying for days. If I think about them too hard I’ll probably cry right now. They’re so full of such raw, intense emotions, the kind that you know are wrong but feel so right. I don’t want to give any spoilers so I’ll shut up now and urge you to read it if you want to fall in love with the most raw, painful and beautiful aspects of Drarry again while also messily sobbing in a corner.

ngl  #Hey zoe I still haven’t moved on from this fic is what I love to hear XD

THANK YOU FOR THE REC, LOVE

to be perfectly frank, if it hadn’t been for your passion about those fics, I might never have put them (and all my other drarry fics) back online, you kind of kick-started the process when you helped me remember (through your excitement and passion) the reasons I wrote and enjoyed writing many of my drarry fics in the first place and helped me forget all the bullshit I used to get on them that led me to hiding them away in the first place XD

(but in all seriousness, please no one read those two fics if you’re iffy about infidelity, they’re not a ‘forbidden romance’ type slant, but more an exploration of people making mistakes and dealing with the aftermath than anything else, and like Rockmarina says, they’re not happy fics XD)

okay, there, enjoy

by popular demand

_This_ is clearly Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Outtake.  The snake head of Jason’s Lucius cane gets caught in Dan’s robes. 

sorry, love

the head touch

this is so fucking cute

never not reblog Jason Isaacs. 

This is so fricking adorable

Eye of the Beholder

I’ve never found myself pretty so I made a quick comic that might help others with the same feelings

Yes good comic

idr if percy ever talked about snape in the books, but snape is absolutely percy’s favorite teacher and no one - including snape himself - can understand why

ron: why do you even LIKE snape, he’s such a DICK percy

percy: do you know how much that man has revolutionized the potions field? do you know how much i’ve learned under him? he’s a genius and he’s the reason i’m going to get an o on my potions newt, who cares if he’s a dick.

snape, after two hours: mr. weasley, it’s past curfew. my office hours ended one and a half hours ago. you have to leave now.

percy weasley, on two hours of sleep and eight cups of coffee: sir i just have one more question–

#ron thinks snape hates him bc he’s harry’s friend but snape actually hates him bc he’s percy’s brother

I love it, I am dying over here.

Harry Potter AU in which Fred and George are in different houses and they steal and wear each others ties whilst doing stupid things in hope of the others house losing points

Finally a Fred and George AU that doesn’t make me want to set myself on fire.

AU where Fred and George are in different houses and they get their hands on house ties from the other two houses as well. By the end of their first year nobody knows which house either of them is in and just take points off a random house whenever they see a redhead getting up to something.

The confusion runs so deep by the time Ron starts that Snape once takes points off Slytherin for Ron fighting with Malfoy.

There’s a few months in Fred and George’s second year when they successfully convince most of the school that they’re actually quadruplets, one in each house.

“George! Why are you wearing a Slytherin tie?”

“What? No, I’m Edward. Y'know, Slytherin’s resident Weasley?”

“Wh…huh???”

“Next you’ll be telling me you don’t know Hubert!”

“?????”

After this confusing quadruple mess, a conspiracy theory emerges that Fred and George are actually just one person, and there were never any Weasley Twins. To add fuel to this theory, Fred and George make a point to never be seen together (publicly).

When asked about this theory, Fred/George subtly insinuates that he used Polyjuice Potion so that there could be multiple versions of himself at once. This goes around the Hogwarts Rumor Mill like fire. The Weasley family says nothing to dispute it, not even Percy.

Percy makes polyjuice successfully for the first time in his fifth year, when he finally has sufficient motivation. Fred, George, Edward and Hubert walk into the great hall one morning, identical but for their school ties, and the chaos is so great that nobody realizes Percy and Ron are missing.

i’m still PISSED about harry potter leaving draco to die because “oh boo hoo there aren’t enough seats in this minivan someone has to stay behind” like you fool. you fucking fool. i’ve ridden to walmart and back in an 11-person shuttle seating 17 people just bc i didn’t wanna wait to get some skim milk. are you really telling me that you couldn’t put a dude in the trunk for the sake of getting away from a collapsing island? you worried about not having enough seat belts??? people died bc of your poor minivan management skills, harry

i drafted this in a blind rage immediately upon waking up today and i may have misremembered some plot points of the Harry Potter series

#THERE 👏🏻 WAS 👏🏻 ROOM 👏🏻 FOR 👏🏻 DRACO 👏🏻 IN 👏🏻 THE 👏🏻 MINIVAN (via @dracomalfoyofficial)

Bfhcjgjfhfbf

Whatever version of hp you’ve been reading, i would like a copy

Friendly reminder that Harry was fully prepared and willing to go on a rescue mission for his godfather against Death Eaters and possibly even Voldemort with Ron Weasley and only Ron Weasley by his side.

Harry: “Okay, I’ve got my emotional support Wheezy. Time to rock and roll!”