hell.is.empty

Sometimes this is all you knead

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“This potion will give you the body that your heart desires, the body that will bring you true and lasting happiness. But be warned: don’t expect beauty. I’ve seen men become literal monster from the darkness in their hearts. Happy monsters, but monsters nevertheless.”

Every time I see this post, I think, yeah, I’d be happy being exactly this. The Fuck Yea Dragon.

@tinydragontori

OMFG.

Very curious doggo

Reminder that puffins are extremely social and like to fit in with their friends, so they will adopt mannerisms and interests of the group. So there is a good chance this little guy is trying to be friends with the photographer by showing his interest in the camera.

TIL photographers are a lot like puffins, cuz we also make friends by showing interest in your camera XD

Reminds me of the time researchers were trying to get puffins to land in a specific area so the put decoys up to draw them in but the decoys only had 1 leg and

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

An actual World Heritage Post

how does this post not have a million notes but anyone online can quote it

one week until ten years of Spiders Georg

fun fact I finally got into contact properly with OP so they get a cut of this ‘ol gal’s print sales $$$:

I can't believe Ronaldo is in an MLM

Wait hold on Tumblr girlies have been carrying that show on netflix for well over 10 years now and the guy responsible for it hasn’t gotten a GOD DAMN DIME?????

sometimes you need to give up committing to the bit when someone genuinely can’t tell if it’s a bit or not and is getting distressed about it :/ sorry

sometimes all u need to do is take one second to say "(yeah this is a bit)" if someone is genuinely asking because they genuinely can't tell, and then you can continue with the bit. i just feel like refusing to acknowledge someone saying "i cant tell if youre joking or not" and you just continue, or even say, "im not joking" then you're not being very funny, you're just being kind of mean, i think.

obviously there is nuance to this and if you know someone really well sometimes going in harder on the bit will make them get that it's a bit and that's fine if you know them. but just be mindful, yknow? not everyone can pick up on stuff like that, and pushing harder on a bit by saying "im serious" when someone asks if you're joking or not can be harmful in some situations.

he sink

My first question to someone who’s like, “You should give up writing and learn to code!” would be to ask, “Is that how you entertained yourself during the pandemic? With long videos of people coding? Or did you read books and watch TV and movies like the rest of us?”

Just watched a woman slather a whole jar of diced garlic on three huge salmon steaks and put on in each microwave at work

It’s going to smell hellacious later

It was so awful I had to work in another building for the rest if the day

Word is she left the fish and went back to her desk to pack up and quit

The stench was so awful they had to open all the doors which required bringing security from two other sites

Most of my department went home for the day

Holy SHIT

what a fucking power move, oh my god.

i am so sorry you had to deal with the olfactory fallout, but my GOD.

i am still so in awe of this woman.

[Video description: Brennan Lee Mulligan, outside on the concrete, speaking into a microphone, surrounded by people and picket signs. Caption: Brennan Lee Mulligan DMing on the universal picket line.

"-if I told you this was not the first time I've played D&D on curb next to a parking lot!

Long you have journeyed through the mythic realms, through forests deep, caverns old, to arrive at the Valley of the Sun! (people laugh) LOL, big LOL.

It is in the dead of night, dawn has not yet come, and from an ancient sarcophagus lined with runes, you see rising from the mist, the vampiric form of John Strahd! (people laugh) CEO of Ravenloft Studios. (people boo)

He arises, (gasps), and you see behind him the vast collected treasures, artifacts, and magical items, all taken from the fine hands of your fellow wizards, bards, artificers. A massive hoard, like that of an ancient dragon!

He stands, "Ahh, adventurers brave. Defeating you will be a cruel, but necessary evil!" (everyone boos)

/end]

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every ask to neil gaiman goes about like this:

greetings sire, i am but a worm beneath you, but my dear sister is deathly ill and your work is the only thing that brings her happiness still. anywho, in season 2 of good omens do crowley and aziraphale have fucknasty butt sex? thank you!

I need a Thank u Mr Terry tag

#thank you mr terry#thinking something isn't doing it and doing is all people see#and deep down it means that when the ugly thought reared its head to be realized#you stood up in front of that ugly hurtful thought and said 'sit down'

Pardon me, but I needed to read your tags tonight.

“My deaf puppy doesn’t notice whenever I come home, so I get to wake her up gently and see her innocent excitement.”

(Source)

Please if you have the means consider donating to the following:

Don’t think for a moment that conservatives in the states won’t be studying the legalese used in this bill and will attempt to use it here.

Help these agencies out. Help people get out.

He’s so fucking stupid <3

Sound on I beg you

Audio: A cartoonish "bonk" as the cat hits the tank followed by a person's muffled laughter

I need everyone to know that the ship Götheborg, the world's largest ocean-going wooden sailing ship, answered a distress call the other day.

Imagine waiting for the coast guard or whatever to show up and instead a replica of 18th century merchant ship pulls up and tows you to the coast.

heartening saga honestly

useless cunts in the tags saying "um actually idubbz and kurtis connor are american/canadian" yeah we KNOW. what u dont know is that this is an invasive species of man running rampant in all major australian cities. this is the type of man who does an acknowledgment of country before gaslighting u. this is the type of man who thinks buying local zines featuring comics of national animals smoking weed is anti-monarchist praxis. think before u speak