Odds Are That I'm Procrastinating Right Now

This person's dad is the only person in the world who watches sports correctly

their dad would do numbers on tumblr

wish i could go missing for a little bit and no one would freak out and then i could come back and they'd be like "did you have fun going missing" and i'd be like "yeah, thanks" and then i could do that every couple of months or so and it wouldn't be a big deal

The thing with statistics - via

Numbers don’t lie but people can sure as fuck pick and choose the numbers they give you and phrase things to make them sound like they mean things they don’t

learn fucking stats or at least how they can hurt

As a wise man once said: There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.

Kill me once, shame on you. Kill me twice, how did you did that.

kill me three times, this time loop fucking sucks

i feel like the boeing whistleblower case should radicalize more people. a major airline company is producing planes with less and less regard for safety and it's starting to get noticeable. man takes them to court, which would reduce profit at the cost of public safety. he fucking dies the night that boeings legal team asks him to stay an extra day. if nothing happens about this, i hope it gets through to people that america would literally kill you for a few extra cents

they hated this poor herb so fucking bad

Your honor in my defense I am simply a little rascal

@plaguedocboi as our resident Marine Life Expert, is this true or false?

This is the Irukandji jellyfish, which has venom 100 times more potent than a cobra and sends 50-100 people to the hospital annually. It’s venom can cause fatal brain hemorrhages.

This is a viperfish. It only grows a foot long and can’t do shit to you.

So yes, I’d say it’s accurate.

sometimes i forget my characters are transgender but not that they like physically are trans i just forget that thats considered like a defining quality. like i dont remember being trans is a thing. to me a boy has boobs sometimes and thats just how it is

'this outfit might be cute for her-' 'no that wouldnt be comfortable her dick would be squashed' 'she has a dick????? why????' 'what do you mean why. why wouldnt she'

you're so based

ok but like this is how society needs to treat trans people

do u ever just look at your hand

Day 27 watch out I’m coming!

Tell the stories you needed when you were younger.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

I'd like to formally thank the people of the UK and Ireland today for their rhyming prowess and forcing the Royal Mint to turn off replies to this tweet in RECORD time lmfao

And last but not least, the pièce de resistance that inspired about 90% of the hidden replies:

For anyone wondering, it was in fact meant to be "sovereign on a sovereign" 🤦

Ach no, give it to the Irish, they win

i can't get over how dumb this was, it's called a sovereign in the first place because of the monarch face on it

the director of god of war 2 and god of war 2018 really just has a tiny horse in his bed

I thought he was making a dumb witcher joke nope thats an actual horse omg

The old school lack of transparency on tumblr is amazing because you assume the people you follow must all be equivalent to you and then you see someone write “I brought my youngest to college today” and someone else write “my mom wouldn’t let me listen to Ariana Grande when I was a kid” and then your head explodes

and we need that! keeps us humble. 

more people would exercise if this culture didn't make it absolute hell

I teach martial arts. we play games with the little kids. they swordfight with noodles and throw foam balls at each other. in the summer, we take them out into the parking lot with water guns. in the winter, we have snowball fights.

the teenagers get swords and staffs and practice knives. we teach them moves from marvel movies that they ask about. they get squirt guns and snowball fights too. we let them goof off and climb the support beams and charge directly at each other in padded suits.

sometimes parents say they miss doing things like that. I tell them, "stay for an adult class. just try it out." we build obstacle courses and let them mess around with training rifles. they chat while sparring. we scream and cheer for them when they're in the middle of a circle. and then we send them out to the parking lot with squirt guns and snowballs.

it's exercise. it's healthy. it's an important life skill. and it's fun as fuck.

The thing about Cottagecore is that is a fetishized aesthetic of country life, divorced from labor and idealized by a primarily urban audience with a backward looking ethos of tradition. They are not prepared for the stresses of a rural life: farming; harvesting; tapping pumpkins to ensure none of them have been replaced with flesh; losing out on income by having to use one of your pigs in a blood sacrifice to paint protective sigils over your doors and windows; checking cracks and chimneys for the flesh-vines of the Pumpkin Lord; having to decide, before the Growth is complete, whether that's really your tradwife or an amassment of vines, leaves, and blood in the shape of your tradwife; ignoring their desperate pleas that "I'm me! No! No!" as you burn them alive, realizing too late you picked wrong; and the exploitative corporate nature of commercial farming in 2023. All seen through a deeply colonial lens, of course

the tags on this post do not disappoint

when I was a little kid at some point I got upset with my parents because I didn't have a crucifix in my bedroom and they did- I was like why do YOU get to be safe from vampires??? you're okay with me getting my blood sucked???? so we took a little trip to the catholic store but the one closest to us was run by a group of nuns that had been moved here from romania. I got a little baby pink cross and this sweet old nun was like 'aww, is this a baptism gift?' and I was like no. I need to be protected from vampires. and she immediately got SO serious and was like 'this is the best one we've got, you'll definitely be safe' and since she was literally from vampire land I was convinced she was like, van helsing. like the whole time my parents had been laughing about how cute my fear was but she literally Knew dracula and was taking my concerns seriously I held this over my parents for so long lmfao