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In Which Canon Is Summarily Rejected

@mytimeconsumingsidehobby

What’s a canon?

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

An actual World Heritage Post

how does this post not have a million notes but anyone online can quote it

one week until ten years of Spiders Georg

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Our boomer trait is gonna be that we cannot recognise deep fakes or AI, I'm calling it. We're going to be like "wow did you see this???" And our grandkids are going to look at the 12 second hologram we show them, shrug and be like: "blinks are too regular."

I'm going to be chewing out some kid for being rude to a customer service employee on a call and they'll be like: "they weren't breathing"

"why are you always wearing that ugly coca-cola sweatshirt, you have so many nice clothes" - "Nestlé sold our teachers' code to CocAmaColaZom and now we can shadow-prompt their AI into giving us better grades"

"...but your maths teacher seemed so weird and incompetent, I was sure she was human :("

writing tip:

if you push buttons on a keyboard, letters will appear on the screen. and with that power you can do anything

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 i think it was cruel to give lightning mcqueen a foot fetish, as he lives in a world where all feet are wheels. he has nothing.

sorry i wasnt talking to you i think

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i think all quiet on the western front and the lord of the rings are in direct conversation with each other, as in theyre the retelling of the same war with one saying here’s what happened, we all died, and it did not matter at all and another going hush little boy, of course we won, of course your friends came back

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someone should remake lord of the rings as a grandfather telling a fantasy story to his grand child with flashbacks to world war one showing the dead boys and men the characters were based on. grandpa why didn’t they just fly. because they didn’t. they didn’t.

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i’m fine

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Operation: Go Back Into The Motherverse

Damian dimension travels into an Amity that's gone to hell.

Due to their striking physical similarities making him a target of all hostile parties, Damian is promptly taken under the wing of a bone-tired Phantom, who plans to use Damian's dimensional hopping in his favor in order to escape this madness.

Danny is unaware that Damian would have never planned to leave him behind.

The situation is the Infinite Realms is cut off from Danny's native dimension. It's not that dangerous, just no one can cross the barrier that the Observants put between the two. Danny is trapped with the GIW and his parents who didn't take the reveal well. Jazz is out of the country and both Sam and Tucker have been sent away "for their safety" on the advice of the Fenton's. Danny's alone and has no place that would harbor him. Every ghost was in the Infinite Realms when the barrier went up. Danny thinks Clockwork betrayed him (not really, Danny wasn't safe in either realm but he saw Damian arriving and taking Danny away so he made sure that future came true)

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Obsessed with the idea of Talia showing up and seeing Danny and being like:

Talia, genuinely been working on redemption: who is this?

Damian, in it to win it and not about to back down now: Daniel, my twin, obviously. Don't tell me you are still refusing to acknowledge him because I was the superior son, Mother. I thought you were attempting to rise above your past failings.

Danny, just here for the chaos and the free food, hamming it up with actual tears in his eyes: Yeah mom I thought you were trying to be better? I thought we worked through this???

Talia, faced with Bruce's Disappointed Face and her son's determined frown, positive she did not infact forget an entire child, but willing to roll with whatever is going on to make Damian happy and ready to make this her father's problem: My memories of my Beloved son have been stolen from me, it must all be part of your grandfather's evil schemes.

Danny, having no idea about Damian's grandfather or anything else: time to fuck pop pop's shit up

Months later Elle shows up looking for Danny and everyone turns to Damian like: ???

Damain: I did tell you I was a triplet. We went over this. You are all so useless at retaining information.

even if you're not a supernatural fan, if you've been on tumblr long enough you are, like, culturally. like cultural christianity in america except it's the cw's supernatural. you may never have watched an episode or set foot inside the tag but your regular life shuts down on their holidays and all of your world news is delivered through that point of view. something to think about

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idk who needs to hear this rn but suffering is not noble. take the tylenol

One time when I was younger I was refusing to take headache medicine and my mom said “the person who invented that medicine is probably so sad you won’t let them help you” and now every time I find myself denying medicine I just imagine the saddest scientist making those big wet eyes like “why won’t you let me help” and whoop then I take the medicine

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peeling those sour rainbow gummy strips into long thin strings and putting them into cheap energy drink to create something im calling battery acid spaghetti will update once ive finished it

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dont do this

I really hope its not too bad bc i actually love both components.

it forms a dry skin at the top made of the sour pellets. not a great start.

tastes really good actually. i also feel like i am about to explode.

do not do this.

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Unanimous consensus: Do not do this

Other people: Hold on I’m about to do this

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Rip to y'all, but I'm built different. Trying this tonight

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Best I can do with what I have (I'm at work rn)

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Oh that is a... fascinating smell

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Don't do this

i think i'll try this tomorrow actually, it can't be that bad, im sure ive made worse cursed foods before

Before Danny met any Bats or Wayne’s
Danny walking the Gotham streets: “hmm, my sense are tingling” turn’s around to slap something only to see nothing and walks away.
Joker, who was behind Danny, about to kidnap Danny cartoon style only to be slapped on to oncoming traffic by the Dick Grayson look alike: “uh oh”
Random TikTok user on live about to do a face reveal only to see his comment section going wild to look behind him: “huh” looks behind him and sees the joker get slapped into oncoming traffic. “Oh- realization -OH MY GOD!!!”
Random TikTok user goes over to the Joker and starts checking his breathing: “oh my god ohmygod!!! THE JOKER IS DEAD!!!!
Meanwhile at Wayne Manor:

Best part, the autopsy goes public and it shows he died from the bitch slap rather than the car.

A city wide manhunt ensues to find the mysterious man who delivered the "Backhand of God" and give him a reward- all while Danny's holed up in his apartment having a breakdown while Sam and Tucker laugh at him over video call.

No, the best part is that he doesn’t even know the Joker was human. Cause all he felt was a supernatural presence only for it to disappear after he turned around.

Danny had a meeting with Lady Gotham to give her more ectoplasm, which, in itself, was exhausting. He decided to take a walk around Gotham to replenish his strength. Near the end of walk, he feels something supernatural and decides to slap it with enough force to make a real supernatural existence unconscious.

Joker is a human. All Danny felt was a supernatural creature behind him and disappeared. At this point Danny is extremely tired and decided to leave the being in Gothams hand’s.

He finds out who the Joker is weeks later by Sam and Tucker and goes: “Oops, I killed it.”