I think it sucks that you have to go to so many different kinds of doctor to take care of yourself. It's the 21st century. I should be able to go to a single office where they scan me with a big xerox machine and tell me what I'm allergic to and why my tummy hurts and if I have any cancer or cavities or if my glasses prescription has changed. And then I should get a sticker.

hey! if you're a fat bitch who can choke me with your thighs, then i have a message for you😍😵‍💫:

i am stuck in a cave in new mexico. i am fading . there is something in here with me. 34.9727° N, 105.0324° W

^_^ OMG HI BESTIE HIIIIIHIIII *glomps u*

watching Seven Samurai

i wonder how many they'll need

i hesitate even to speculate

I think "they don't even have X" is one of those memes that's actually funnier in its original context than in anything that's been done with it subsequently. Like, in its original context, this is a joke about a man who has lived his entire adult life alone in a swamp cold-reading the atmosphere of a corporate workplace and deciding that appealing to the receptionist's sense of working-class solidarity is going to get him in the door, and it fucking works.

I thought Tumblr would celebrate Dick Cheney's death more. I was a teenager during the Bush administration and MAN those were some horrifying years.

RIP to every Afghan (46,319) and Iraqi (210,296) civilians who were murdered in the Global War on Terror.

Rest in Piss, Dick Cheney. I can only imagine demons are doing to you now what US soldiers did to Iraqi civilians in Abu Ghraib.

Before and after yep hes mustard gravy

Didnt smell good so i poured it down the drain without take a bite

My plugs got a special strain i be buyin in bulk

the wisdom ive learnt is that becoming part of a friend group 1) takes a long time and 2) involves a lot of feeling awkward and left out at first. there’s nothing terrible about this but if you grew up chronically lonely or have any kind of trauma relating to social isolation this likely feels Really Wrong and activates danger signals. but both fortunately and unfortunately it’s just how becoming close to new people works most of the time

another thing that was not intuitive to me as someone who grew up an autistic loner: basically everyone on the planet is starved for connection all the time and almost everything people do is an attempt to reach out to another. most seemingly illogical interactions and behaviours can be explained by this. you have to take as many of these invitations as you can. even if you're wrong you still attempted to bring more warmth into the world

You don't care about me. You never did

Thats not true Nefarious Anglerfish

ough

ough

so this might be the funniest text i've ever gotten about my partner

having collaborative ocs with friends will have you saying shit like "what if scimble was bumpus wouldnt that be funny" and then like two weeks later its one of the most important pieces of lore you have

Being ugly is not an excuse. Most people are ugly. I’ve fucked ugly people and they weren’t virgins. They were whores. All things considered there probably is someone 5 minutes away dying to fuck you.

not an excuse for what

for not voting

On the day of Dick Cheney’s death, I’m thinking about a lot of horrible consequences of his actions, but I’m also thinking about Lauren Hough telling Dick Cheney to waterboard her “if it makes him feel better” when she repaired his cable.

lollllllll

PITTSBURGH TOO

AHAHAHAHAHA

YEAHHHHHHHHHH

YESSSSSSSSS

Textbook definition of skedaddle.

learning that self deprecation isnt cool and just makes the people around you uncomfortable unironically improved my mental health a lot. like if you just stop saying negative shit about yourself you will genuinely like yourself more and other people wont be repulsed by your attitude and you will have more friends. it's true.