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Not a Bot

@myst-chaser

its all chill here

*becomes slightly overwhelmed* *thru tears and gritted teeth* i will not be a huge bitch i will not be a huge bitch i will not be mean to everybody i know

you called???

shit not you

ok and???

HOW MANY OF YOU ARE THERE

don't do this to me

im here too!

joke is over

im being hit over the head multiple times with comically large mallets by a bunch of clowns rn

AHHHHHH YOU'RE KILLING ME

i am simply a ghost now

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no dats me

this post is rapidly spirally out of control

Spirally

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK

yes :3

nest-deactivated20181209

at my job we have to go through a training program that teaches us the library of congress classification system, and when i was first being trained my boss started to boot it up and she gave me a really anxious and guilty look and said “listen, i’m really sorry in advance, there’s nothing i can do about this, just…. just try to get through it” and i was like lol what’s she talking about and then the program loaded and i was greeted with a deliriously funny-looking photoshopped wizard with glowing eyes pointing at some intro message like “AH YES, JUST AS THE PROPHECY FORETOLD… APPRENTICE, YOU COME AT A TIME OF MOST DIRE NEED… YOU MUST LEARN OUR WAYS” and my boss just looked at me helplessly and was like “i’m so sorry. it’s like two hours long.”

thankfully it wasn’t an elaborate fever dream and i have found screenshots

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i always forget my grandma used to be a clown so it caught me the fuck off guard when she saw this

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and no hesitation saying “oh it’s that creepy clown- oh he’s drinking that’s against clown code”

1. ARE YOU NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN YOUR GRANDMA’S PAST CLOWN CAREER? 2. WHAT’S CLOWN CODE??????????????

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my-chemicalkismesis

Clown code.

I call a lot of y'all clowns but it turns out that’s too good for you since even they live by a code.

I forget where it was but I saw jeans for sale and like they were labeled as “girlfriend cut” instead of ‘boyfriend’ and like the irony to me is that the term “boyfriend style jeans” was originally done as this weird way to heterosexualize the dangerous idea of women wearing slightly loose pants so you knew you weren’t a dyke but like apparently the use of the term “boyfriend” was like too much of a gender confusion crisis for the buyer so they had to change it *again* as opposed to just calling it “loose fitting” to begin w and now it has fully no-homo’d itself into a corner and it just sounds like yr stealing yr jeans from some butch girl yr dating

My fave quirk w boyfriend jeans is that time the gap didn’t realize that having jeans that were “boyfriend” cut and “pegged” style would turn out greater than the sum of its parts

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happinessisgay

wheezes

69

oh they knew. Not management of course. but, somewhere, in the string of people that had to go through to become A Thing -somebody- knew.

I know it’s on purpose but still every dead choreographer is spinning in their grave

this is so brilliant but how many times did they just crash and send each other ass over teakettle during rehearsal

Omfg this is PRISTINE

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As several others have already said in the notes, this is Jerome Robbins’ “Mistake Waltz,” and it is GLORIOUS. And so much respect for the dancers, because having to do something intentionally wrong is frequently harder than trying to do it right.

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all year. all damn year we've been in constant battle with our middle schoolers who are endlessly determined to make this sign say 'hoe'. every time we fix it by the end of the day it's back to this. they never ruin the Phoenix and they never rip the whole thing off. somehow this entire school year we haven't been able to catch them. every time I see it I have to pretend like it isn't the funniest recurring bit in this stupid world

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ghostbat

[Image description. A screenshot of a text conversation between two people. Person 1: "I'm moving and found a black machete under my bed. Is this yours?" Person 2: "Who is this?" Person 1 sends a text which is marked out. Person 2: "Bro I ain't even talked to you in 6 years and this is how you get in touch" Person 1: "well you're the only person I can think of that might leave a machete at my house" Person 2: "Wait is it a Ka-bar?" Person 1: "Hold on I'll look." "yes" Person 2: "Okay yeah that's mine" "How have you not looked under your bed in six years??" Person 1: "I feel like thats really not the most important question here" /End ID.]

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My annotated Dracula has informed me that when Harker said his robber steak was “in the style of the London cat’s-meat!” he was referring to “A tradition in London was the “cat’s-meat man,” a vendor who sold little bits of meat on skewers for consumption by cats”

I am overjoyed by this knowledge that there were Victorians just randomly getting lil kebabs for their CATS

I am so happy to learn this was a thing, looks like they were door to door pet food sellers.

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I didn’t see any new posts about it but it is VITAL that new readers know this.

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Eating pineapple like yawwn you call those enzymes?? Watch this loser

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a pineapple make your mouth tingle because moreso than most common fruits they have enzymes that are technically attempting to digest the inner tissues of your mouth, however the weak fool is not prepared for what we keep in our mighty animal kingdom digestive tract

unregistered-hypercam2-deactiva

THERE IT IS AGAIN!  THERE IT FUCKING IS!  i’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS PHOTO FOR YEARS AND NEVER COULD FIND IT!!  THE LAN PARTY WITH THE GUY DUCT-TAPED TO THE CEILING!!  BACK IN ANCIENT TIMES WHEN PEOPLE STILL USED CATHODE MONITORS AND WHEN COUNTERSTRIKE WAS THE NEW THING.  THIS SHIT IS REAL.  THIS IS REAL SHIT.  SHIT THAT HAPPENED.

Blackundertaker for the link. So kotaku did an interview with a butch of people to track down the people connected with the LAN party.

From the article.

The picture in question originates from Mason, Michigan, where a close group of friends who liked to build personal computers and organize LAN parties grew up. Through Reddit and email, we were able to get in touch with a large portion of the group, as well as obtain verification and additional images…

For the Mason alumni, the night they taped Drew Purvis to the ceiling was just an average day, another LAN party with friends.

“It was still early in the day and the LAN had already become fractured,” said Nick Wellman, another LAN goer. “There were about 10 of us there, and we were already playing three, four different games. Tyler was looking around and said, ‘I think you can duct tape someone to that I-beam.’”

At this point, the teens gathered the necessary supplies, bought duct tape on a friend’s employee discount and had the tallest attendee, Brian, hold the subject, Drew, aloft while the rest taped him up.

What you see in the now-iconic photo is actually the group’s second attempt to suspend their friend from the ceiling with duct tape. After about 10 minutes, the tape digging into his sides, Drew asked to be cut down. They revised their plan, adding pillows, and strapped him back up. Once on the beam, someone else had the idea to stack some tables up so Drew could still play on his computer.

“That is the funniest part about the picture,” Nick told us. “Gaming from the beam was a complete afterthought.”

Drew lasted about two hours suspended above his comrades before retiring to the ground (turns out a duct tape cocoon runs hot).

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did i tell y’all that one time when my friends and i were making a joke mockumentary about a fake cryptid, my sibling and i got into a really bad hospitalizing car crash and instead of delaying it we just decided to film in the hospital and also convinced my mom and dad to play roles in it as well?

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hey just wanted to say thanks for this incredibly chilling remark i’m so scared now