Every writing advice thing ever: Don’t get bogged down in details on your first draft. Just write! ☺️
Me: How I begin this scene hinges on whether cheese sandwiches were served with mayo in the 50’s.
have not seen anything more relatable today >.<
let me link the world’s most useful twitter thread.
some excerpts:
there’s nothing to stop you from using the <get there> method for research details. in fact, i know many many writers who use it for just that.
ur personality is defined by ur favorite line in hallelujah
tag your favorite line of hallelujah
“tag your favorite line of hallelujah” scans to Hallelujah.
…
you tried to read the words as prose but noticed how its scansion goes and now you can’t unhear the tune, so screw ya recall the phrase you love the most then once again reblog this post and tag your fav’rite line of hallelujah
okay that’s it I hate you all. like… fuckign done. i’ve hit the wall.
…I’m calling the Tumblr Cops to come subdue you
I hate the fact this fucking fits. I’m just about to call it quits. Now everything just sounds like hallelujah.
You pick a phrase, you pick a rhyme, repeat the sound another time, Five iambs, then an extra beat will do ya. Another rhyme, a rising note - congratulations, you just wrote Another goddamn verse to Hallelujah.
The Ring: If I had a quarter for every time a hobbit picked me up, I’d have two quarters. The Ring: Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.
Of all the bearers of Sauron’s ring, 4 of them were hobbits.
I was wrong. It’s 5. Not 4
The lineage of ring bearers is as follows.
I love how Deagol counts as a ring bearer even though he had it in his possession for all of like five seconds
He held it for the rest of of his life!
[Image description: Tweet by @banalplay saying “but something happened then that the ring did not intend. it was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a hobbit, the same fuckin thing that just had it for like 500 years.” End Image Description.] Link to original here. Otherwise reblogging for the final rb there, which made me cackle.
From the ring’s perspective:
1. Home, the finger of my creator and other self.
2. Well, I don’t like it but I can work with this. Cause some trouble, get some revenge, find my way home, this is fine.
3. What the fuck is you?
4. Right personality, wrong species, I don’t know what you are but I hate you and I don’t know why you’re so resistant to my powers.
5. NO NO NO there are goblins everywhere how did I find another one of THESE horrible things. This one’s even more resistant than the last one and also disgustingly nice. I suffer.
6. Listen, I’ll cooperate, just get me the fuck out of this hellhole full of small cheerful people my power doesn’t work on properly. No, not like that. I hate you. Please stop.
7. FUCK
8. (Frodo again) I still hate you with every molecule of my mortal form but at least you’re not number seven. Think I’m starting to get through finally.
9. (Smeagol again) YES it’s you I actually missed you now get me back to the Master and NO FUCK NO I HATE YOOOOUUUUU…. *fzt*
you CHAIN The One Ring?! you chain it like the prisoner?! oh! OH! trauma! deep psychological trauma for hobbits for One Thousand Years!
Heh. :)
how’d you make a blank post?
please tell me
This is the most hilarious thing to see on mobile.
Help me ob-gyn kenobi, you’re my only hope.
She needed more midwife-clorians.
I really hope everyone reblogging this followed the link and read the article, because it’s larger point is really good “Reproductive health and childbirth is a crutch, and Lucas gets away with it because his audience accepts that these things are mysterious and cannot be intervened with the way that that the loss of limbs can be remedied with robot prosthetics, or the way Luke can be rescued from near-death on Hoth by being submerged in a bacta tank. Having babies is worse than being mauled by a wampa ice creature or being chopped up by lightsabers and falling into a river of lava. Lucas can write a world like that, and worse, the audience will accept it. But uteruses aren’t made of malignant magic. Women’s bodies are real physical things that can be studied and understood and when necessary, cured. ”
IDK about everyone else, but I’ve actually been certified as a doula and childbirth educator and worked in women’s health media for most of a decade. All points valid, but “Help me OB-GYN Kenobi” broke me.
And this is how you can tell a story was written by men because pre-natal healthcare never even occurred to the writer. Women’s insides are a mysterious and magical place that no man either can fathom, or just just not want to think about, so in stories like this they just handwave it away as” dying in childbirth”.
Help me, OB-GYN Kenobi.
I love how everyone’s like YES ALL POINTS VALID
But
to be fair, it is a brilliantly executed pun
had a fucking experience just now
playing skyrim. feel something cold on my foot. cats dropped a frog on my foot. ok. pick up the frog, bring the frog outside. hold hand out near plant so frog can jump into plant. frog doesn’t jump into plant. second frog jumps into my hand. i’m just standing there with two frogs in my hand. shake hand. frogs fall into plant. go inside. resume skyrim. alright.
I realize it’s just because they’re trying to introduce the audience to the concept of Pokemon and everything but nothing will ever be funnier to me than prof oak being like “these are creatures called Pokemon, they live in all sorts of environments!” like imagine if you met a biology professor and they were like ‘I’ve been studying these intriguing creatures called “animals’
I maintain that Pokemon starts to make a lot more sense when you stop thinking of the Professors as biologists and start thinking of them as children’s science communicators, which, in a world where children as young as 10 are expected to make their way in a world populated by superpowered fauna almost entirely alone, stands as an important and laudable career. “There are 150 animals” becomes the in-universe equivalent of “There are three states of matter.” There’s too much information in this field to dump on a grade-schooler all at once, so Professor Oak is here to mete out animal facts as they become relevant in an easy-to-understand way.
That being said, I would love to see what kind of shit the real Pokemon biologists are on. I’m just imagining some disheveled, overcaffienated researcher writing a grant proposal for their study on why certain wingull seem to evolve into pelipper faster when they hatched in the winter or something. There’s bird shit on their glasses. They haven’t left the lighthouse in months. This is their life’s work. Ash Ketchum doesn’t need to know about real Pokémon biology.
Me: minding my own damn business in the grocery store
One of my students and a few of his teammates enter the dairy aisle.
My student is holding hands with one of his teammates.
My student: Oh hey, Professor X!
Me, who has both my student and his girlfriend in my class: …Hello
My student, looking at his hand-holding partner: Oh! Don’t worry. My girlfriend knows. Not that I’m cheating! I’m not cheating. I’m not gay.
Hand Holding boy: Not that being gay is a bad thing! It’s a good thing!
My student: Right! But no, listen. We aren’t together, we just hold hands in public sometimes.
Hand Holding Boy: Especially on Friday nights. And weekends. And at away games.
My student: Because sometimes people will say shit and then we can punch them! And if the fight started because someone was being homophobic, coach won’t get mad at us.
Hand Holding Boy: Always nice to punch a homophobe. And [gesturing to another boy in the group] maybe they’ll think twice about saying something to [other boy’s name] if he ever gets a boyfriend and wants to hold his hand for real. The Gay One, resigned but smiling: I’ve decided it’s sweet and not really fucking weird.
This is what “boys will be boys” is meant to be
This is the best thing I’ve seen in a while.
My latest cartoon for New Scientist
Many more of my science cartoons are here: www.newscientist.com/author/tom-gauld/
something im noticing is the redditors are just commenting on everything via reblogs with reckless abandon. and its so funny bc thats how youre MEANT to use this fucking website but we've trained ourselves out of it somehow.
I feel like a fucking chimp raised in a lab let out into the wild and just doing shit without understanding wtf is going on because I was raised to click the button to get cookie
look, that one's trying to upvote
mother who read about faerie changeling folklore often being a way of understanding neurodivergence takes her kid into autism advocacy groups asked to leave when her child keeps leading the other kids to revels under the hill
she gets into a screaming match and nearly throws hands with another parent when she sees the iron horseshoe above the door and assumes they’re an ableist
Delighted by the mental images this evokes.
changing elves from being assholes with a superiority complex and recharacterising them as just sort of weird guys that have an entirely different set of social behaviours to harken back to the days when people thought autistic people were a kind of fae for having odd behaviours. the entire reason why they dont particularly enjoy gatherings of men or dwarves or whatever is because they tend to be loud and the average elven social gathering is just a bunch of them sitting in a room in silence ignoring each other
like theyre still kind of mean but its more of them being blunt and lacking empathy rather than being condescending or purposefully malicious
my elven ass after spending 45 minutes in the pub with my dwarf friends:
I GROW WEARY OF MIMICKING YOUR OBNOXIOUS MANNERISMS TO ACCOMMODATE FOR THIS ENVIRONMENT. I WISH TO RETURN TO MY CHAMBERS TO REST AND SO I MAY PLAY SPLATOON 3 ON THE NINTENDO SWITCH. WE SHALL GATHER AGAIN NEXT HALF MOON AND I SHALL TELL YOU OF MY VICTORIES.
them:
okay man take care
you understand my vision
I've seen some unhinged complaints in Steam reviews before, but I just ran into one that gave a game which contains no dialogue the thumbs down purely on the basis that it doesn't have voice acting.
Here’s my all time favorite Steam review
Essek and Caleb both learn the Maze spell and cast it on each other as Wizard Enrichment™. They get sent into a labyrinth with the goal of ‘escape’, and if they can’t get out in 10 minutes, they just get popped back out. No harm, no foul.
It starts out as a fun little activity, but then they start getting competitive about it. First, it’s basic races—who can get the fastest time getting out of a maze. But then, they get into a discussion about how the mazes are generated. Is it random? Is there some pattern to the various layouts? And if so, is there a style of maze that is more advantageous? Does the maze creator have any influence over the design of the maze?
The thing is, Maze only requires a DC 20 Intelligence check to escape. That’s nothing to these guys, and they crack it open pretty quick. So then they ask themselves, can we make it harder?
Their previous toyings with Maze RNG become full on experiments and deep dives to see if they can add increased difficulty. They start adding multiple levels, doors that require you to solve a puzzle to unlock, fetch quests, etc. They come up with the most difficult maps and challenge each other to get their times lower and lower and lower.
They become Maze spell speedrunners and modders is what I’m saying.
op these tags are AMAZING. I am clawing at the walls imagining Yussa devouring books on excessively complex magical theorem just to get his PB down.
A thing that bothers me about wizard schools in popular media – outside of the magic-grade-school stuff, anyway – is that they're typically depicted as being basically magic universities, but their actual curricula and pedagogical approaches look much more like those of a technical institution. Like, buddy, that's not a wizard university, that's a wizard trade school. You can't just slap university student culture on top of trade school pedagogy. It doesn't work like that – the one emerges from the other!
"Well ACTUALLY wizards are" wizards are made up. They can be analogous to whatever real-world class or vocation the author wants. Wizard-school-as-university and wizard-school-as-technical-institute are both perfectly fine; what I am grumping about is wizard-school media that doesn't seem to have a clear picture of how different sorts of educational institutions actually operate.
Okay but now I really want to know what a Wizard technician would look like. Would he wear magical overalls with all kinds of reagents and magic tools sticking out of his numerous pockets?
A guy like that walks into your tower with a toothpick in his mouth, takes one look at your summoning circle and goes
“I see yer problem. You used chalk B12 instead of S3. B12 is only for transmutation circles. Gimme a sec I think I have a piece somewhere here.”
He fixes your circle, test summons an imp and goes.
“There ya go. Fit as a fiddle.”
“It’s the chalk.”
“The chalk? I always use that chalk, it’s never been a problem.”
“Ah - yes. This stuff will work just fine for most circles, but, uh - here, take a look with my loupe. You see the off-color flecks? Can’t hardly see them with the naked eye, but those are impurities. Silicates, might even be some iron in here, to be honest. Usually won’t cause a problem, but - you said you hadn’t tried this particular summons before?”
“First time trying a 5th level, yeah.”
“Those silicates will make your scribing a little fuzzy when viewed from the astral plane. You see, for example, these three fine lines here? With this chalk, on the astral that looks like one thick line with fuzzy edges. They can’t tell exactly what you want, and they’re picky lil’ critters so they just won’t do anything in response.”
“Really? Oh. I always thought the expensive chalk was just fancy to be fancy.”
“Making pure chalk is difficult, you need a dedicated production line or dust gets in the finished product. To be honest, you don’t need to bother with it for most things, but 5th and up, 5th level and up, it actually is necessary. Anything with lines within about two millimeters of each other.”
“So I need to start over?”
“Unfortunately yes. You’ll have to erase all this, but with some good chalk it should work just fine. Next new moon your summons should go off without a hitch.”
“Dang. At least it’s not my sigils, I was worried it was my sigils.”
“Nah Your sigils look good. Even and balanced. You know what you’re doing, it’s just an equipment problem.”
“Thanks for the help, sorry to make you come all the way out here.”
“No problem! It’s my job.”
You know, as the concept of “zombifying fungi” becomes more and more popular, I notice it still referred to everywhere as like a “brain parasite.” So I guess a lot of people overlooked or forgot how in 2019 it was discovered that cordyceps and other similar fungal parasites leave the brain and nervous system completely untouched. They only control the muscles. They use chemical signals to make the muscles flex in real time where they want to go :)
It’s funny how many people are replying “but that’s worse!” like you didn’t know that’s exactly why I put a smiley
All it means when people say “you’re speaking from a place of privilege” is that you’re likely to underestimate how bad the problem is by default because you are never personally exposed to that problem. It’s not a moral judgement of how difficult your life is.
^^^^^^ read it. say it out loud. keep repeating it until you understand.
