funnytwittertweets
ronance-and-reddie-deactivated2
Nancy teaching Mike how to drive: okay, now, you're driving and Steve and Eddie walk into the road. What do you hit, Mike?
Mike: Steve, obviously, why would I want to hit Eddie?
Nancy: *getting annoyed* the brakes, Michael. You hit the brakes
I think it's so important to have a "nature" calendar in your head, like a way of tracking time that's completely separate from anything work or obligation related, not holidays or anything stressful. For instance I look forward to august because at 8pm every night house finches hang around my window for a few weeks. In spring I love waiting for the magnolias to blossom. Just ways of tracking the time with zero stakes that's completely removed from life's zeitgeist and that you really look forward to
“I have a million things to talk to you about. A million things we have to talk about. All I want in this world is you. I want to see you and talk. I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning.”
— Haruki Murakami
Dulce María Loynaz, tr. by James O’Connor, from Absolute Solitude: Selected Poems
[Text ID: “I am not I. I am barely my own shadow.”]
my friend is very confident and free and i always want to know how she does it so once i asked her and she just said “the only difference between me and you is that when people treat you badly you think it’s because there’s something wrong with you but when people treat me badly i think there’s something wrong with them.” scalped
Flautist Melissa Jefferson plays slaver James Madison's 200-year-old crystal flute in the Library of Congress.
"I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break."
-Marya Hornbacher, Wasted
-Richard Siken, "War of the Foxes"
[TEXT ID: "Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story." ID END]
Rainer Maria Rilke in a letter to Lou Andreas-Salomé, published in Rilke and Andreas-Salomé: A Love Story in Letters
…the reason I am cruel to others is because I have low-self-esteem. Because I don’t love myself, I am unable to understand those who do love me in spite of it all, and so I test them. ‘You love me even when I do this? Or this? Or this?’ Even when the other person forgives me, I am unable to understand their forgiveness, and when they give up on me, I torture and console myself with the ‘fact’ that no one could ever love me.
Baek Sehee, tr. by Anton Hur, from I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki
“What is this called, what I am doing, to myself, to my life, this wallowing, this pondering, this rolling over and over in the same places of my memory, wearing them thin, wearing them out? Why don’t I ever learn? Why don’t I ever do anything different?”
— Charles Yu, How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe
nothing more disappointing than a shower with low water pressure. i don't want to feel like a wet sad beast left out in the rain i want to be power washed.