if i had to choose between death and reading homestuck then i would probably just read the damn webcomic but i definitely wouldn't be very happy about it

have you considered i dont want fucking homestuck to be the reason i die. did you think about that

ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT. IM PUTTING EVERYTHING ON THE LINE HERE

IF THIS POST GETS TO 10K BEFORE THE NEXT APRIL 13TH, I WILL READ HOMESTUCK.

TIL “Yankee Doodle” was written by the British to mock americans. “Doodle” is thought to come from the German “dödel”, meaning “fool” or “simpleton” and “macaroni,” a flamboyantly stylish type of dress, painting the Yankees as morons who thought placing a feather in one’s cap made them a “dandy.”

via reddit.com

so you’re telling me that “stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni” would be like saying “wrote a G on his belt and called it gucci”

that’s…a pretty good analogy actually

US moron came to town

Hunting for some coochie

Wrote a G up on his belt

And this bitch called it Gucci

Seeing my notifications get flooded with this every July 4th is the only thing I respect about America

cat?

I keep forgetting to upload here so here's some self portrait isopods from my retail sketchbook/diary

I had a dream that Joe Biden addressed the nation wearing a Miko robe like a Shinto priestess. He was also visibly 8 months pregnant. He didn't talk about that until the press asked him about it, to which he replied "I bear the child of a great spirit" as if that was like, something mildly inconvenient like getting stuck in traffic.

Today's aesthetic: people who are like "this anime could have been good if it weren't for one specific detail that totally ruins it", and then that one specific detail is, like, the thematic foundation of the show's core premise.

two of my favorite (non-anime) samples of this phenomenon from twitter

I saw somebody be wrong on the internet and I didn’t respond (don’t want to get involved) and I’m being SO brave about it

I should never have made this post because now every time it gets a new note I’m reminded of how wrong that one person on the internet was.

reblog to remind them how wrong that one person on the internet was

THEY WERE SO WRONG. ON THE INTERNET.

What were they wrong about?

NO I AM BEING SO BRAVE ABOUT IT

Godzilla: I’m Sowwy

Mechagodzilla: I’m sowwy

Ghidorah: We’re Sowwy

Hedorah: I am holding this press conference to tell you that I’m awesome and also fuck all of you.

Today’s problem

what do chairs for dragons look like.

big comfy piles of pillows

Well, that don’t work in the scene I’m doing it’s too cute not to draw.

DAWWW SO CUTE :>

they use human chairs but really badly

same

Wait elongated chairs y’all. Eight chair legs instead of one, they can lie down majestically and put their chins on the table like they were always meant to.

@basiliskfree

I’m not sure if this is silly or a good idea lol

it’s not polite!

you’re a dragon manners mean jackshit nothing

excuse you dragons are pillars of nobility and composure

you’re a dragon. who’s gonna stop you? hmm? the dragon politeness upkeep taskforce?

I mean other dragons are really the only thing a dragon fears

Date a dragon who uses big comfy piles of pillows as chairs 

Date a dragon who tries to use chairs for humans but has trouble 

Date a dragon who uses elongated chairs made just for dragons 

Date a dragon who is a pillar of nobility and composure 

Date a dragon who rests their chin on the table 

I love this post way too much not to reblog it.

AaaaAAAAAAAAAA

The cutest damn things Ive ever seen

@basiliskfree @noivern a solution: giant beanbag chairs

Draw that in a separate post also these

I just lay on the floor. Maybe with something soft under me.

Just… Idk Try

If I don’t reblog the dragon chair post, assume I’m dead.

@shiraglassman have you seen all these?

did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”

This is especially funny because they aren’t even right. Foxes *ARE* dogs.

No they aren’t.

yes they are. because they are fluffye.

OK yes they are.

Dog

Dog

Different family, but same order as @pictures-of-dogs

No, they are the same family. They are the same kingdom, phylum, order and family. They separate at the genus.

They’re a dog.

yeah they’re fluffye

theyre literally not dogs theyre not even fluffy. can we get science tumblr over hear or what!?

checkmate athiests

fluffye

okay but they literally are dogs, for those who are confused

If foxes are dogs, then so are wolves, coyotes, dingoes, jackals, and several other extant and extinct species.

Behold! A dog.

of course it’s a dog you buffoon. it’s fluffye.

Why on earth would someone think “BUT IF THEY’RE DOGS SO AR -”

Like yes of course wolves are dogs, where have you been. Jackals are excellent doggies! So are coyotes. Why is this confusing.

I love that this is literally two completely different arguments running simultaneously.

That guy up there who said they’re not even fluffy was thinking of sharks

sharks are also dogs. ravenous water dogs, but still dogs

Sharks can NOT be dogs they are SMOOTH

Tags via @jenroses

Anyway reblog to make sure all the investors know that, according to u/spez AKA Steve Huffman, the CEO of the fucking company, Reddit is, and I quote, "not profitable." Their IPO is supposedly planned for later this year. Have fun with that, Steve!

I tried to blaze this and Tumblr gave me an error code and refused to do it (after charging my CC) y'all better fuckin gimme an Organic All Natural Blaze lmao

edit: nvm it's marked pending but still

wouldnt it be fun. wouldnt it be really cool. if the haiku bot

I took my dad to pride today. After asking him and saying what itt might entail, I made him a free dad hugs sign:

While walking there, a lot of people pointed at him and said it was a cute idea. They were right.

My (and his) personal highlights were:

My dad said that the majority of people hugging him were either older (25-60) queer men or younger (15-25) trans people. He really loved the experience and felt like a lot of the people, especially the older guys really needed it.

Anyway we're definitely doing this again next year

[ID 1: a photo of an older white man with grey hair, wearing a shirt with text on it, ending with "nonbinary child". He has a sign around his neck, saying "free dad hugs" with the Ukrainian flag on it and a trans flag tugged under the string.

ID 2: a photo of the same dad, hugging someone who's inside a bandwagon. /end ID].

i know this please help me

if you seek skeek at my slorse you hate me at my worst

HOW THE FUCK DOES THE SYAING GO

cool news i think i have some thing wrong with me

it happened again

new development in my brain loss story: i deadass just forgot what jerma was called

i couldn’t make this up if i tried

i still have NO idea what OP means by 'Jerma'. That's, not a thing. I just get random twt account when I google the name.

i wish i was you.

World Heritage Post

"Unmasked"

I wanna add more but maybe next fan art 👍🏾

Guess we can add this idea to the pile of grimoir stories.

Listen I have zero headcanons or plot for a Leverage OT3 highschool AU, I just have a burning desire for Eliot driving around his boyfriend and girlfriend in a beat up old car and Nana being awesome and Parker being Mysterious and also maybe like milkshakes??? Flannel and sneakers??? Cute teen dates??? Someone please save me.

-Eliot charming the shit out of Nana with his ‘ma’am’ and appreciation for Good Food.

-Parker not officially going to school, she just picks a class or two she wants to follow because Archie said she should learn to blend in with kids her age. She steals the teacher’s roll-call list and adds herself to it. 

-Eliot 100% the quarterback. He is also Very Popular with The Ladies and some of the other players are like: HOW DO YOU GET SO MUCH ASS ELIOT and he is like: TRY TREATING WOMEN LIKE PEOPLE JACKASS. (He doesn’t even get around half as much as people think, because he is Respectful and even when he does have sex he never tells.)

-Hardison takes ALL the computer classes. He finished all his assignments on the first day and spends the rest of his time hacking and programming and messing with the school’s system so bullies actually get in trouble and kids who have accessibility needs are suddenly getting the funds and help they need. 

-Parker tried out for cheerleader and it went about as well as you can imagine.

-Lots of very cute late night dates at all-night diners with milkshakes and Eliot arguing with the fry cook and Hardison charming the waitress but only because he wants to distract her from Parker sneaking behind the counter to top up their milkshake.

-Hardison being very understanding Eliot doesn’t want to introduce him to his dad like: is it the boy thing, the black thing, or… And Eliot is like: no no no it’s the my dad is an asshole thing and I don’t want to subject either of you to him but I want you to meet my little brother his name is Jake he’s really smart you’ll like him.

-All three of them have tried the yawn-and-arm-around-the-shoulders move and only one of them was succesful. (Eliot. And only half the time, one time he nearly poked Hardison’s eye out.)

-Parker stealing her boy’s clothes and accidentally becoming the centre of attention because wearing the quarterback’s letterman jacket Means Something so she makes Hardison switch with her and that just causes more gossip and meanwhile Eliot is bitching at them like DID NOBODY THINK THAT MAYBE I’M COLD WITHOUT MY JACKET DO YOU SEE HOW MANY LAYERS I WEAR IT’S NOT A FASHION STATEMENT DAMMIT HARDISON GIVE IT BACK.

-Nana has totally taken Parker aside and told her if she needs anything, she can always come to her. Parker fled because of Emotions but also has totes dropped by the house while Hardison was out to 1) get advice from an adult who was not Archie and 2) eat all the homemade cookies.

-Eliot takes the other two camping. It goes about as well as you can imagine.

-Hardison and Eliot seeing Archie with Parker when they’re arguing about a job. Hardison very carefully tries to question her about who Archie is (’nah, Archie isn’t my dad, he has a Real Family’), if he’s bad-touching her, and Parker being ‘???’ until Eliot is like: IS HE HURTING YOU BECAUSE I WILL PUNCH HIM and Parker being like: oh lol no, Archie knows I would stab him if he tried to touch me. =D He gave me a knife! 

-They’re still not entirely sure about who Archie is so they track him down and threaten him just in case. Archie makes up some kind of story about being a mentor and being all: I’m glad Parker made friends who will threaten adults for her.

-Who gave Parker a skateboard who thought that was a good idea she is riding it along the edge of a 10 story building. 

-Laser tag death match, winner gets to pick the movie/food/sit in the middle of the snugglepile.

-Weirdly invested and inappropriate-life-advice-giving guidance counsellor Sophie Devereaux who may or may not be a con-woman laying low for a few years.

-Econ teacher Nate who will explain the economy and the market and also how marketing schemes and con-men work and if you ask the right questions at the right time and distract him BOOM your lesson is now a history of epic heists class.

-When Hardison finds out Parker is not officially enrolled, he Fixes That in the system, making sure to forge her some nice grades for the classes she doesn’t take (nice, but nothing that will make her stand out.) He tries not to pry, because Parker tends to disappear when you pry too much, but he makes sure that whoever she lives with, they’re not hurting her. He thinks maybe she just has shitty foster parents, or some kind of Weird Religious Ones who want to homeschool her? She knows a lot about art and geography, okay, and she does fine with math, so clearly she’s got schooling.

-Eliot is the one who learns she lives in a Creepy Warehouse. She makes him promise not to tell Hardison, because he will make Sad Eyes and possibly get Nana involved. Eliot is like: YOU OWN A WAREHOUSE? HOW? WITH WHAT MONEY. No no don’t tell me I don’t want to know. He makes sure she’s safe and comfortable and goes home to punch his punching bad in the basement because DAMMIT HE PROMISED NOT TO TELL HARDISON but maybe Nana should be involved because that can’t be healthy.

-Various teachers spend a year trying to get Parker to go to the guidance counsellor. She needs some kind of help, they agree. 

-Parker only actually goes when Eliot and Hardison ask her to the winter formal, and she’s like: YOU GIVE PEOPLE ADVICE RIGHT HELP ME I WANT TO LOOK NICE FOR THE DANCE. And Sophie is all: um that’s not the kind of advice they mean but also I am not going to turn down giving fashion advice come in what can I do for you.

-And Parker tried to ask Nana, and Nana is sweet and kind and told her feel-good stuff like ‘wear something that makes you feel pretty’ and ‘you will look great no matter what you wear, dear, don’t let yourself get caught up thinking you need some expensive dress’.

-But that doesn’t help, she doesn’t know what to wear, what makes her feel pretty is her jeans and the shirt she stole from Hardison and Eliot’s second-favourite flannel because they preen when she wears them. But those aren’t Dance Clothes and she wants to look nice but also not stand out and also not wear uncomfortable shoes.

-So she sits down with Sophie and explains all that and then is like: so I need something to wear with THIS. 

-And she pulls out this necklace. And Sophie is like: Is That The Bismarck Sapphire??? And Parker is like: Eliot says blue brings out my eyes.

-And Sophie, momentarily forgetting she is a Guidance Counsellor, asks her like: HOW DID YOU GET PAST X SECURITY MEASURE AT THE SMITHSONIAN and then Parker looks at her and Knows. Sophie is like her.

-And then they spend like, 25 minutes gossiping about Stealing Shit before Sophie pulls up some websites and shows her some lovely dresses that would look nice with her necklace. 

-And from then on, Parker goes to visit Sophie regularly, usually with some cool anecdote about a thing she stole like it’s show and tell, until Sophie gently tells her she’s welcome even without that, she doesn’t have to ‘pay’ for advice, and she helps Parker with stuff like How Do I People and also How Do I Pass This Exam When I’m Stealing A Thing Downtown The Night Before.

If someone writes this I will read it hundreds of times

UM SAME. 

(Sophie is also the drama teacher)

(the entire school know that Mr Ford the Economics teacher and Ms Devereaux the Drama teacher/guidance counsellor have ~a thing~ for each other. Nate and Sophie are completely oblivious to this.)

(there may or may not be a betting pool on when they finally get together)

(Hardison may or may not be running said betting pool)

“Parker tried out for cheerleader and it went about as well as you can imagine.” Ok but I’m imagining:

-that the cheerleading team finally gets to regionals because Parker has tricks their coach hasn’t even /heard of/ 

-Parker gets a rotating cast of lookouts for local heists and general Elliot/Hardison-related Lawbreaking For Justice (or for practice, whatever)

-Elliot & Hardison are v. briefly skeptical of these lookouts but Parker insists and it works out because

-those girls? the cheerleading-is-a-sport-dammit-girls? 

-are physically fucking fearless

-can keep a secret like it’s unbreakable code inside an encrypted file inside a vault tougher than any Parker’s ever cracked, and

- ask zero questions, at least once they trust her enough to get thrown through the air and land at the top of the pyramid in her deceptively skinny arms.*

So actually, Parker cheerleading goes pretty well! Until the star quarterback takes a dirty hit at the Homecoming game and is motionless on the field for long, dangerous seconds. But Elliot was fine, if the world’s grumpiest patient, and once Hardison was done with the records,

-the only answer for “what really happened that night the cheer squad attacked?”

- “Nothing you can actually prove.” 

*I’m just saying, there were a few Sudden Realizations on the cheerleading team that year, more than Parker will probably ever know.

- Eliot helps his mom with a lot of stuff around the house, including cooking, which is the reason he takes Home Ec in the first place (the hot teacher is a bonus)

- Parker takes Econ, Physics, and a Drawing class, but continues to hang around the school the rest of the day to observe and learn how Normal People act

- Hardison is part of the tech crew for the schools musicals/plays. He’s in charge of sound/mics for all the actors

- Eventually Eliot and Parker both join tech as well (at least when it isn’t football season). Parker works on lights because she loves the catwalk, and ends up spending most of the time there and not really helping. Eliot is part of the actual set building crew.

- Nate is the only teacher that calls Hardison by his first name because that’s what teacher are Supposed To Do

- In retaliation, Hardison refuses to call Nate Mr. Ford or anything like that and only refers to him as Nate (because he’s petty)

- Eliot and Parker both join Hardison in calling Nate by his first name

- It becomes a battle of wills, the three of them vs Nate and at this point the whole school is invested

- Finally Nate gives in and stops calling Hardison Alec, but by that point the three of them have gotten used to calling him Nate and continue to do so anyways (much to his dismay)

IT. GOT. BETTER.

-Hardison takes an art class solely to paint a picture of Old Nate.

-Nobody knows how it ends up in the teachers lounge, affixed to the wall so well they would need to cut out a piece of the wall to remove it. 

-Really Nate. Nobody knows. (Insert flashback of Sophie very casually dropping hints and the crew breaking in after hours.) Not a clue. It’s a mystery.

innytoes

-Eliot takes the other two camping. It goes about as well as you can imagine.

Hahahha! I love this idea! Eliot fixing gourmet meals from camp grub, Hardison going nuts because he can’t get any wifi and freaking out at every strange sound in the night, and Parker scaring them to death all weekend jumping around in ridiculously high trees and making friends with dangerous wildlife. “You don’t say ‘here kitty, kitty’ to a bobcat!” 

aww this is super cute though I hope any potential fic that comes from this includes the Leverage Redemption Lore on Elliot’s dad being cool just a bit of a stubborn grump like Elliot.

drawings you can hear

*new yawk voice*

Has anyone on tumblr started documenting this wreck happening on twitter yet

my strangest legacy - in high school, for one reason or another (I can’t remember) my friends and I wrote “34 days until March 2nd” on the whiteboard in the drama classroom. It was completely arbitrary but we kept it it up, “30 days until March 2nd”  ”23 days until March 2nd” etc. It spread around enough that the entire school is buzzing about what is going to happen on March 2nd. We figure we should think of something and decide to bring in cake. There were about 13 of us in total committed to bringing a cake. On March 2nd, during 3rd period lunch we all entered the cafeteria in a line (the parade of the cakes) and laid them out—a grand cake buffet for everyone in that lunch period. We did it the next year. And after we graduated it kept going.

This past March 2nd was the 9th year they’ve done it. It’s become a school sponsored event. There are t-shirts for this thing every year. March 2nd is cake day. I am a god. 

my former teacher sent me a package. it’s the 10th anniversary this year. they’re already getting ready for march 2nd. it’s january.

it’s March 2021 and i’ve been told there will be cake on the 2nd. I was recently sent the t-shirt design for this year. it’s the 16th anniversary and it will be the last March 2nd Cake Day at school for my former teacher who is retiring this year