once you start saying “yippee!” you will never stop
somehow, amazingly, i have hacked the impulse that makes me mindlessly scroll on my phone. it's not gone but i've paired it with a conscious thought process that goes like, "what's my goal here? i'm looking for entertainment, for information, for something that makes me feel more optimistic and interested in the world i live in..."
and because that kicks in between apps, too, i'm not doomscrolling as much. i'm intentionally seeking out posts or videos or whatever that actually mean something to me. when i'm not satisfied i walk away or pick up a book instead. most subtle yet impactful change i've gone through in years
i did not intentionally set out to change this. i've just been working on my mindset in general. hey, turns out having a good therapist again helps
thank you to everyone who has liked this post for reminding me to keep up the habit. just caught myself doomscrolling and remembered i have a nice podcast i could be listening to instead
august reset:
- more snoopy
- less introspection
- get specific about colors and shapes
- stop saving good things for when you can share them with others
- go barefoot at least 5 min a day
- admit when you're hurt so you can leave it behind
- every fresh fruit is life staring you in the eye
- tote bags with zippers
- elixirs not beverages
- quit it with the chapstick hoard
- prioritize lizard time
autumn is really like. i brought you some sunlight from when you were 10. didn't the world feel so bright to you then? i'll drench your hands in syrupy nostalgia, so everything you make is stained bittersweet. i'll ruffle your hair with an ice-kissed breeze--it'll be the kindest touch you've had in years. you finally feel like a part of something grander. i'm the last warm hand you hold before winter surrender.
the most Child Emperor urge i have is to shout "BOOORRIINGGG!!!" when i have to witness something i dont like for too long
MYHOUSE.WAD - On Happiness (2/2)
MYHOUSE.WAD - On Grief (1/2)
Sources: Jandy Nelson, "The Sky Is Everywhere" 🏠 Valeria Luiselli, "Faces in the Crowd" (translation by Christina MacSweeney) 🏠 @/greenmountainwitch 🏠 Rebecca Solnit, "A Field Guide to Getting Lost" 🏠 Elias Tigiser 🏠 Steve Nelson, myhouse.WAD Map 🏠 Amy Meissner, "Spontaneous Combustion" 🏠 Wikipedia - Grief
its so crazay how being in a transitional period will have you obsessively reevaluating every decision in yr life to the point of actual insanity…hello
“I could not stop wasting time. It was crazy. I wanted to do something with my life, but instead I went to sleep, or sung in the shower, or sat and stared at the wall. I couldn’t even tell you about anything that I saw. I didn’t talk to anybody. The cicadas kept dying outside, and as I dreamed, my mouth grew thick and venomous with silence.” (Yiwei Chai)
Self improvement is great but ultimately? you have to accept your self. Yes you can eat better, exercise more, read more, set boundaries, love your self, but it all comes down to this. Some days you won’t have the energy to do any of these things. And you’ll look in the mirror and think that this is not enough. That’s a lie. The biggest love for self is to live slowly. To rest. To really rest. Have a nap. Eat what makes you feel good. Read if you want to. Embrace yourself and accept that you cannot and will not be ever be perfect. Accept that you are good enough. You don’t need to keep busy all the time. you don’t need to go out all the time and post on instagram. You don’t need to journal if you don’t want to. You don’t need to make art if you don’t want to. Breathe, give yourself grace and compassion. Give yourself the love and tenderness you so badly need. Be gentle with yourself. You are trying and it is good enough. You are good enough.
A beautiful poem that illustrates my point
"describe your symptoms" brother i have felt like this since i was 12 unrelentingly
the power of just reacting to things with “whatever.” insurmountable
new drug just dropped. saying “whatever” to things & letting them pass through me & moving on w my life bc time is my most prized possession. would recommend trying it
born to always mourn the present like it’s already become a memory
