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My Name Is Jake Bolton

@mynameisjakebolton / mynameisjakebolton.tumblr.com

My name is Jake Bolton and this is my tumblr.
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“One of my favourite Steve Jobs stories was the time the engineers working on the iPod brought their finished prototype to him in his office. He said it was too big, they needed to make it smaller. They said it was as small as they could make it, it couldn’t be made any smaller. So he took the prototype over to his aquarium and dropped it in. The iPod sank to the bottom, and as it did, tiny little bubbles came out. ‘See those bubbles,’ he asked. ‘They’re air inside the iPod. Make it smaller.’

“Another story about Steve Jobs was when they brought the prototype for the iPad 2 to his office. The engineers told him it was faster than the first iPad. He took it over to his aquarium and dropped it in. ‘Look how slowly it sank,’ he told them. ‘Make it faster.’

“One time a newly hired intern had been sent out to get Steve a sandwich. When she brought it to him, he looked at it. ‘I thought I ordered the beef on rye,’ he asked. She told him it was indeed beef on rye. He took it over to his fish tank and dropped it in. ‘Does that look like beef on rye?’

“He was always dropping things in that fish tank. We couldn’t stop him. We told him he had to stop, he wouldn’t listen. It was full of stuff that shouldn’t be in an aquarium.

“The fish had all died years ago. One had been crushed under an early generation iMac. The others were all poisoned. He didn’t care.

“It got to the point where there was no room for anything in the fish tank. When we emptied it after he died, we found a body in there. We never found out who it was.”

there’s a big difference between “food waste” as in “farmers destroy tons of food to avoid exceeding quotas” or “supermarkets throw away this much edible food because it doesn’t sell”

and “food waste” as in “it is not actually within the capacity of humans to perfectly predict and track household food consumption, so a certain amount of food per household inevitably goes bad and has to be thrown out every year”

the idea that food waste is the product of thoughtless consumers rather than corporate greed is really insidious

As someone who words in food retail, the amount that gets thrown away each day is criminal.

okay today i learned that apparently the penis has a say in whether or not a child will be a boy or a girl

female sperm swims slower than male sperm, but the males can’t swim for as long as the females. this means that a long penis will be closer to the egg when releasing the sperm, and there will be a higher chance for the child to be a boy.

so in conclusion

if you have a lot of sons you have a big dick

THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE POST

The police make a point of posting cute pictures of their puppies to generate public sympathy for police dogs generally.

Police dogs are a terrifying weapon that destroy flesh all the way to the bone and leave many people permanently disabled, but because juries are sympathetic to police dogs, they’ll never be taken off the streets.

also, K9 unit training is animal abuse that renders dogs violent and aggressive to the point where it’s very difficult to rehabilitate them.

It was kind of a dick move to create animals that require air, then confine them to the freaking ocean

If you are talking about dolphins they used to be wolf like creatures that due to scarcity of food they had to hunt in water so they slowly evolved into water mammals, dolphins still have claw bones but they are unnecessary and dolphins will get rid of them with time and will develop abilities to breath under water

(This also partially applies to whales)

They were what now?

Winston Duke often wears a combination of a colored suit with a black print dress shirt and I love it. Like he dresses so well and takes risks that are fashionable.

Good post OP good post

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1000% the best

John Mulaney, a man who is iconically known for loving his wife, after being told by Jerry Seinfeld that his wife only thinks shes good at something

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Well done OP, you’ve managed to capture the moment John’s spirit left his body

Jerry’s lucky that John is too polite to throw hands

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Okay but I just went and watched this for myself and it’s WORSE

He’s. So uncomfortable. It’s obvious. I cut out the part where John kind of muttered, “That is true, isn’t it” about how all men think they’re funny, but his face is just screwed up in this ‘oh god what have i done what have i signed up for this is not good and this will probably go into my next comedy special of awkwardness’

Just watched this omg bless john bc jerry just keeps trying to do some “take my wife” bullshit and john very politely goes no, no.

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proud of John for restraining himself from murdering a man on camera

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Seinfeld is such a hack.

jerry seinfeld is not just an unfunny shithead but categorically bad for comedy

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Jerry Seinfeld was never funny. And the amount of bad faith on display here just so he can wedge in a “men are like THIS and women are like THAT” crack that wasn’t funny pre-agriculture is, honestly, enraging.

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Jesus, Seinfeld really is a pile of boring garbage, huh? Wow what a dumb & boring dick.

Everyone knows that on Uber/Lyft you should always give the driver five stars unless they, like, drive the car into the ocean or something, right?  You can’t say “the ride was fine, nothing special, so I gave them three stars,” because the company will punish them for being anything less than perfect.

Well, you should know that the same rule goes for any kind of customer service survey.  Unless the service you received was unacceptable, give them 5/5 or 10/10 or whatever.  It’s annoying, because it ruins the sensitivity of the survey, but it’s how it’s gotta be.  9/10 gets treated like a problem and 6/10 gets treated like a disaster.   Understand this and do the workers a favor by grading easy.

The way the media has been treating Ryan Reynolds and Josh Brolin’s dynamic during the Deadpool 2 promotion tour is giving me an insight into how all these homophobic fanboys can look past how blatantly queer the film is:

They think it’s all a fucking joke.

Josh Brolin has said repeatedly that he’s had a crush on Ryan Reynolds for a long time. That he admires him, that he finds him attractive, that his feelings for Ryan are complicated and unrequited but real.

And yet all I’m seeing are articles and youtube compilations about Josh’s “hilarious” “man crush” and how “funny” it is every time Josh talks about Ryan or they interact.

And I would suspect it was intentionally meant to be part joking and part queerbaiting for the purpose of fanning the movie’s hype except that:

  • Josh is out there correcting people who call it a bromance - saying “It’s a real romance”.
  • He’s having to tell people that “It’s not a joke”.
  • He’s calling interviewers out for laughing.
  • He’s saying that the only reason he feels weird admitting it is because people are treating his crush as funny.

And this audience attitude is the same one that allows Deadpool to come onto Colossus with the exact same context and tone he came onto Vanessa in the first film, and still lets straight fuckboys think it’s a joke.

It’s why Cable and Deadpool can explicitly flirt, and even have Cable do something as hugely self-sacrificing and romantic for the other man as he does, but there will still be people hypothesising that their strong connection is because Cable’s wife is Deadpool’s daughter or something.

At first I was annoyed that the film was too chicken to end with the two characters getting together, even though (without spoiling it for you) it wouldn’t have felt quite right for the plot so soon.

But now I’m suspecting that even if we’d had a passionate, candle-lit sex scene between Cable and Deadpool, these douchebags would still think it was some hilarious joke.

The franchise can capitalise on that homophobia to get more queerness into the movies, and to be honest it probably already has.

But I’m doubtful that they can do anything that’ll get through the thick skulls of these fuckboy-fanboys.

I haven’t seen the movie just yet, and i don’t doubt what you’re saying! H o w e v e r, I’d really like some sources or at least a point in the direction to find those specific interviews with Josh Brolin!

Sure! There’s so many interview videos out there right now, some with only a couple hundred views, and I wish I’d bookmarked all the relevant ones for now but alas I didn’t. Here are a few which hopefully get my point across, but there’s more like it:

Josh: I mean he’s tall, he’s ha- … Why am I talking about Ryan Reynolds so much? Jimmy: You have a man crush on Ryan Reynolds? Josh: I do! I don’t- [Jimmy laughs] Josh: I feel weird admitting it in front of you because you’re laughing at me right now, but I feel… I feel confidence in my- [Josh gets awkward and hides behind a magazine]

Josh: I am a huge Ryan Reynolds fan, and that’s not a joke.

Will Njobvu: Now, I’m seeing this bromance blossoming between you and Ryan Reynolds, even a bit on screen, and- Josh: I think it’s more of a romance. Will: A romance? Josh: Like, a real romance. Will: Really!? Josh: I like him, man. What’s not to like? I like not liking him. It’s a lot of fun to have friction and tension between Ryan Reynolds and myself. Y’know, we can talk about the characters, and the Deadpool and Cable thing, but it has nothing to do with that; it’s him and me.

He looks genuinely upset in the first gif. Poor guy.

fucking let people have casual same sex crushes it’s not a joke just cos he’s ~conventionally masculine~ doesn’t make it funy what a brave dude fuck

eid mubarak 🌙🕌✨❤

eid al-fitr mubarak to all muslims around the world! wishing everyone a blessed & joyful eid al-fitr, well spent with family, friends, & loved ones. 🌙🕌✨❤

I Died In 2010 and Was Replaced By Someone With Absolutely No Motivation and Complete Emotional Unavailability, a conspiracy thread

I Was Resurrected And Am Currently Fighting My Depressed Dopplegänger And Winning, a plot twist