It is beginning to look a lot like winter ❄️✨

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Art by 一布小欣

fantasy costco is a front for garfield's true passion: illegal cloning

you're so right ive breached containment and my notes are full of delighted confusion

the most "fucking, fair enough i guess" response ive ever gotten to something i said was in the ER

me: hi, i need a rabies shot triage nurse: oh? why's that? me: i got bitten by a bat triage nurse: what were you doing that you got bitten by a bat at 3 in the morning? me: removing a bat from my bedroom

im given to understand that it generally takes a lot to leave ER staff speechless, but it sure was a good 5 seconds before she thought of anything to say to that

#prev u say sol but u see. i have reblogged this post at least 3 times at different points in the past#bC PEOPLE KEEP SENDING IT TO ME!!!#i will reblog as usual.

@solipseismic i am FASCINATED to discover that you are a real person and not a fictional character because this has been tagged about you often enough that i assumed it was a fandom thing. is your story any more interesting than mine or did it just make a disproportionately massive impression on your fiend group?

i had to take a moment to compose myself this (fandom thing) is possibly the funniest thing anyone's ever said about me. probably not more interesting but like 200% more stupid and so accordingly has made a bit of an impression on most of the people who know me

>be me (freshman living in college dorm)

>go for a walk in the beautiful spring weather

>there is a bat on the sidewalk in the middle of the day

>sidebar to note that at this point in life my bat knowledge solely consists of "usually flying" and "only comes out at night"

>how terrible this bat must be disoriented by the bright sunlight (middle of the day) and fell from where it was ........................... roosting (on the sidewalk)

>if i put this bat in a box with some water and then bring it back out at night maybe it will have recovered enough from the. sun

>text my roommate asking him to put a towel in a box

>i pick up the bat (on the sidewalk) (middle of the day) (no gloves)

>one bat in a box later i log onto tumblr dot com and post something along the lines of: does anyone know what to do in case of accidental bat acquisition

>mutual from area with many bats: you need to get rabies shots IMMEDIATELY

>i have no car (freshman in college dorms)

>surely it isn't that serious

>thanks to google i now have 200% more bat knowledge and Boy I Fucked Up

>me to my mutual: it only bit me a few times and its teeth are so tiny it didn't even break the skin i'm sure i'll be fine :)

>i am of a curious nature so i google rabies symptoms

>oh! i need to get rabies shots!

so my ER experience was actually something pretty similar

me: hi, i need a rabies shot

triage nurse: oh? why's that?

me: i got bitten by a bat

triage nurse: what were you doing that you got bitten by a bat in the middle of the day?

me: picking up a bat off the sidewalk

triage nurse:

Once more I drive into battle not knowing if victory is even glancing my way. Walgreens has claimed to be in possession of my promised tinctures and herbs and medications. A cruel joke I must entertain, on the oft chance her intentions remain true and pure.

About to drive my 2020 Toyota Corolla Chariot into the Wall Greens

some jhudoras in different fashion!

not being productive or relaxing but a secret third thing

not now kitten. daddys turning into a self fulfilling prophecy of the person who everyone around him always said he would become

you will probably not look like a skinny white anime girl when you transition you will likely look like someone's mom and you need to realize how swag this is

I saw a picture of my mom last week and did a double take because we both realized how similar we look. skinny white anime girls are not real women but your mom is. I promise you look like a real woman

Shoutouts to the funniest possible tags on this post

I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch

Batman’s Villains: The butler will be easy prey!

He’s just an old man…he doesn’t have any of the Batman’s gadgets or training or fighting skills!

Alfred: Oh my you’re right

There’s something else of Master Bruce’s I don’t have as well

(Cocks a shotgun) A CODE AGAINST KILLING

Batman’s Villains: Wayne isn’t here to save you old man!

Alfred:

Alfred is the original “Call an ambulance — but not for me”

@dragonpuppies I spent way too long on this

Bruce: I have a code.

Alfred: And I have a gun.

Bruce: time to remove the guns.

Alfred: good fucking luck.

I’ve peer reviewed @ebonyheartnet’s addition and found that it deserves a reblog.

A crocodile mom and her little ones

Porcelain figurine

I've had so much fun making these recently, so I wanted to show them off!! They've been selling pretty quickly, but a couple of sizes of each design are currently available in @mayakern' shop alongside her designs, plain color skirts, and designs by @sergle and @meyocoart!

You can find the shop here!

Maya has done final inventory on a bunch of items like skirts, journals, etc, including some of my designs! Some items are last chance and are super limited inventory + the clearance section has been updated too, so it's a good time to look around!

update: apparently canberra’s skywhale was harpooned and died 

Local resident Michelle Bedford says what she saw can only be described as ‘incredibly unlikely’ and ‘bizarrely beautiful’.

“The guy got on the roof of his van with a crazy look in his eyes I’ve never seen before, as if in his universe there was only him and the Skywhale. He hurled the broomhandle like a harpoon, got it right through the eye.

“We all clapped and cheered, not like we hate the Skywhale or anything but it was just unbelievably cool.”

It then took several hours for security staff and onlookers to disentangle Ahab from the corpse of the Skywhale which had slowly but majestically fallen directly on top of him, like a heavenly blanket with massive breasts.

The sculpture, a hot air balloon depicting a whale as it may have evolved if it lived in the air rather than the sea, has had a mixed reception since it was first launched in 2013. Critics of the Skywhale cited its outlandish appearance, large breast-like appendages and ‘dumb, smug whale face’.

…

Artist Patricia Piccinini, who designed the sculpture, has asked that charges not be pressed against Mr Ahab, claiming that she was “invigorated” to see the public engaging with the artwork on such a meaningful level and that she couldn’t ask for a “more fitting way for a big balloon that looks like a whale to complete its lifecycle in the public eye.”

When asked if the ‘killing’ of the Skywhale had any allegorical significance or if the quest to find and destroy it was in some way symbolic of a larger tale Mr Ahab told reports “Nah mate, just f-ing hate that bloody whale.”

….This. THIS is art. 

Patricia Piccinini: “Controversial opinion but i dont think people should go to jail for objectively funny crimes”

holy shit skywhale was Patricia Piccinini?? please look up her other works

hey, don’t cry. one half flour one half yogurt knead into dough and fry for easy flatbread and dip in balsamic vinegar, okay?

After three batches, my findings so far:

I’m gonna be eating these for a month

This actually works?? Two-ingredient bread??

I gotta try it.

That's...naan.

That's naan?

*runs to Google*

HOLY SHIT THAT IS NAAN! HOW DID I NOT KNOW NAAN WAS THAT EASY TO MAKE?

this is one of those rare easy bread recipes that also works with gluten free flour! the yoghurt helps with structural integrity. you may want a pinch of xanthan gum if your flour doesn't come with it mixed in. i like to mix some rosemary into the flour to have a herby naan, since i can't have garlic.

junji itō was so right when he said this

this too

junji ito was right about everything actually

would you let him into your town