pick your fighter

the ‘$1000 to go to Hawaii’ bride, the ‘I bought a $99 polygraph on amazon’ lady, or the ‘why was $200 so huge’ birthday girl

a lot of people seem to be confused and think the hawaii bride and the polygraph lady are the same but they’re actually 2 separate people so here’s all 3 in one go

the “$1500 to go to hawaii” bride

Ms Polygraph Test

$200 birthday

bask in the unfiltered nonsense of it all

since someone mentioned this and I had forgotten, a last minute entry fighter: “Squire Sebastian” lady

New to the arena, Kristie and her surprise wedding

Y'all really gonna pass up childless millennial Disney Mom?

my FAVORITE angry facebook post of all time

Incredible light rays coming through a natural arch on the Oregon coast [OC] [2160*2700] - alberthbyang

me

Someone fire tumbridge please

TUMBRIDGE

was ringing up a customer and added his coupons, he was surprised it took off so much off the total and i accidentally said “well tits the season!” instead of tis the season but he let out a very long and powerful “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell yeah”

Me after one cup of coffee : i am beautiful and fast

This is how close I am to loosing my shit

Screw it

One time my five year old sister and I went in a hike in the woods and I told her “now if we come across a bear in here, I will throw myself in front of it and you run away!” And she looked me dead in the eye and said “No sorry I called it.” I was like, “what? You want to die? You’re five!” She just looked into the abyss and said, “I have been here too long.” And honestly? Big Mood.

“I have been here too long.” I’m through

Damn

My phone’s camera accidently started doing a vertical panorama. Decided to give it a go and got this really cool pic!

Dang

“Do you love the color of fire?”

Sometimes I forget everything is made from bits of stuff that the stars are made of, and this makes me feel warm inside.

i hate when ur in public somewhere and something goes mildly wrong/something inconvenient happens and the nearest baby boomer tries to get you to complain with them

what does this even mean

EXAMPLE:

you are in line at mcdonalds. its really busy and the employees are overwhelmed. it’s taking a long time. you are minding your own business. the old man in line next to you says to you, “boy, this is absolutely ridiculous, isn’t it? these kids working just dont know what they’re doing. Or they just dont care…” you awkwardly nod and take a step to the side

This has probably been said a million times before but:  Defend the employees.

Really, you’re never going to see Karen from Stubenville again in your life, so side-eye her real good and say:

“It’s not thier fault they’re understaffed. Having worked retail before, they’d love to have another three or five people back there helping out.  But since the whole ‘downsizing’ craze of the ninties, companies try to get as much out of thier employees as possible without regard for thier welfare, or the effect on service.  You should really get on McD’s website and complain about the chronic understaffing and tell them you’re willing to pay more elsewhere for better service.  They LISTEN to people like you.”

People love to complain, especially entitled people.  The good news is that they’re easily redirected with mild praise and a shiny new target.  Butter the elders and aim them at the bourgoise.

aim them at the bourgeoisie

PSA: Halloween is pretty much here and it only takes on second to send a sick child in the hospital a Spook-o-gram. The best part about this is that $1 gets donated to CHLA’s Helping Hand fund each time you send one out. So let’s help some kids have a spectacular Halloween by sending them spook-o-grams and helping cause!!

I threw a dog on the ground today 😭😭😭

I am embarrassed by how hard this made me laugh.

…..does this mean cat people hurl cats at the ground?

you just kind of… open ur arms and they sort themselves out. if you try and place them down they get mad and wiggle and make everything worse

meirl

goth gf this and goth gf that. where were yall when i was getting bullied in middle school

also getting bullied in middle school

ally