All it takes is one small trigger. And I'm in a shit mood for awhile. And I have no idea how to change that. Is it even possible to change that in BPD? How do you stop the all over body inside and out feeling of a horrible mood shift after you've been triggered? It takes me a huge time out, meltdown, and hours long sleep just to snap out of it but I don't have time for that always.
what’s some of y’alls favorite songs that u feel are relatable as a person with bpd/hpd/npd?
“All the effort in the world won’t matter if you’re not inspired.”
— Chuck Palahniuk, Diary
When the fuck did the social model of disability go from "the way society is structured makes disabled people's lives harder than they have to be" to "the only thing wrong with you is capitalism"?????
I don’t even cry anymore
From what I’ve read and observed, bipolar symptoms exist on a spectrum. Using these charts inspired by @levianta’s graphics about autism, you can visualize the extremity of every symptom you experience. As an example, here is a chart visualizing how i personally experience hypomania:
Sometimes I refuse to sleep, because at 3am is the calmest I ever feel. Not that my body isn’t dying of anxiety. But the world is silent. No one expects anything of you. No one in that moment can make you feel terrible. Only you can. And there’s a weird power in that.
I've lost my one and only palace
Everything seems to be exhausting me. No matter how much sleep I get. Or how much coffee I drink. Or how long I lie down. Something inside me has given up. And I am always so exhausted.
i could never explain why i cut myself
Not everything is fleeting. Some feelings are deep. The fact it isn’t close to me, that I can understand. But I find it sad it isn’t close to you.
Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) // dir. Céline Sciamma
Rest in peace, Billy Drago (1945-2019)
Thank you for bringing the biggest, baddest villain, the Demon of Fear (and Hope), to life for Charmed fans.
The narcissist is a child masquerading as an adult. At a young age, they stop developing and start maladapting. They adopt facets of society, culture, and loved ones as a basis for their identity. They take note of what attracts adoration, support, and positive attention. They add those traits into a better version of themselves. Eventually, their paper-thin facade is convincing enough. They seem to be charming, generous, friendly, loving, desirable but will manufacture opportunities that create an air of importance for themselves. No matter how well presented, these qualities are not genuine and merely projections that cover a bottomless need for validation and an endless search for security.
FMRI scans irrefutably show there is a lack of cognitive function in the cerebral cortex of the narcissist. There is an inability to model concepts competently. If you catch one copying ideas more complex than their understanding, it will show. They may deviate by trying to sound technical on a more familiar subject to compensate.
There is also a failure to deeply simulate other people’s experiences. They will always snag someone though and appear to be empathic. The other is usually below the narcissist’s experience level or is unwittingly having their own desires played like a tune so they do not see things as they are. Don’t be fooled by a well-practiced face. It is a surface act. “I’ve been there, so I know you.” Anyone who has overcome actual trauma beyond the human drama will see through this. It will leave an awkward taste in the mouth, like fake, sugary icing from a store-bought cake.
The narcissist also has an undeniable need to be right. Being “right” can appear as downright obstinance or it can look like, “I have grown, so now this is how I do things.” What they aren’t saying: My example is the right example. My thoughts are a better perspective. They will haphazardly insert statements that fly in the face of things previously said, trying to dissolve the perception they are presenting a better way, their way, even when the end goal is to sell something!
They will try to manipulate the victim by triggering fears and insecurities in a passive, casual, and even friendly manner. They distract with smoke and mirrors by pretending to bolster the weak self-esteem of their victims. Seeing this can be especially helpful when dealing with a more compelling classic narcissist or a hidden narcissist that is probably unaware of their behavior. Don’t buy the BS. It is not worth the money, time, or commitment. They make promises that claim little effort for a short-term gain, then turn around and tell you to put in the work.
Watch out for repetitive, circular thinking while quickly jumping from one idea to the next without coherency or clear transition. We all live in the age of distraction and many of us show to some extent circular thinking, but the flighty narcissist will seem like they have a peculiar kind of dementia. It is even more extreme. They are just sadly confused about what they should latch onto in their desperate attempt to appeal to others. They will run with anything that uplifts and reaffirms the shaky ground their identity stands on.
If the narcissist believes their idea of self is affronted or challenged (even if one has done nothing at all) they will obsessively fixate on that person. The fixation can be as strong as the obsession with perfecting their image. They will do this by stalking, mimicking, or finding ways to oppose the insubstantial pieces they can target. They may even incomprehensibly try to both copy and insult the assumed offender simultaneously.
One must resist the urge to engage with or react to the tactics of both the classic and covert narcissists. If one falls prey, then they have succeeded, for they can play the victim, the innocent, or the hypersensitive sweetheart who understandably had a bad moment. Don’t feed their ego. Be aware of the poor fools who are wrapped around their fingers, ready to fight their battles. The takeaway: Stay away.
The most dangerous truth a narcissist can never personally accept is that they are a fractured mirror. They will mirror whatever reflects best, no matter how distorted. Every story they spin to convince themselves that isn’t so only further pushes them away from integration. Everything they uphold about being authentic, they will tragically tell themselves over and over until the bitter end.
These lost souls will always be compelled to defend, will always be fine-tuning a flawless persona, one they think is beyond reproach. Yet they continue to yearn for an unattainable assurance they are someone, that they are real. As long as the narcissist personality exists the individual will never know the depths below.
You are tapping your foot. Someone asks you to stop. You do. You feel no ill effects aside from maybe disappointment at having to stop. You tap your foot often. This is a habit.
You are tapping your foot, whether you want to or not. Someone asks you to stop. You can’t. If you try to it feels like holding in a sneeze and the pressure builds up. It might come out in a different, even less controllable action. This is a tic.
You are tapping your foot. Someone asks you to stop. You do, but immediately feel worse physically or emotionally. It was a way for you to express yourself and how you feel. You may feel pressure. This is a stim.
You are tapping your foot. Someone asks you to stop. You can’t, because if you do something bad will happen, possibly some specific bad thing. You know it’s irrational, but not doing it gives you anxiety. This is a compulsion.
You are tapping your foot. Someone asks you to stop. You can’t, because if you do this specific bad thing will happen. It is not irrational to you, although it is to others. This is an erratic/disorganized behavior.
Coraline (2009), dir. Henry Selick.
“The ‘O’ in ‘Welcome home’ on the cake has double loops in it. According to Graphology, the double looped lowercase o implies that the person writing it is a liar.”
A very simplified overview over the 3 diagnosable types of ADHD. It’s highly likely that you have symptoms from across the spectrum and not exclusively “hyperactive” or “inattentive” - that’s why I see ADHD( and ADD) as one big family. Look up the DSM-V for the actual symptom list!
House Of 1000 Corpses (2003)
Salman Akhtar (a psychiatrist) provided a comprehensive phenomenological profile of Schizoid Personality Disorder in which classic and contemporary descriptive views are synthesized with psychoanalytic observations. This profile is summarized below and lists clinical features that involve six areas of psychosocial functioning and are organized by “overt” and “covert” manifestations. “Overt” and “covert” are not meant as different subtypes but as traits that may be present simultaneously within one single individual.
Self-concept - OVERT
Self-concept – COVERT
Interpersonal relations – OVERT
Interpersonal relations – COVERT
Social adaptation – OVERT
Social adaptation – COVERT
Love and sexuality – OVERT
Love and sexuality – COVERT
Ethics, standards and ideals – OVERT
Ethics, standards and ideals – COVERT
Cognitive style – OVERT
Cognitive style – COVERT
Witches’ Sabbath / The Great He-Goat, 1823, Francisco Goya
Medium: oil,canvas
