FanFic

I’m infatuated with the idea of him So in love with the desire to hear him He consumes my thoughts He haunts my bed, my desires, my dreams Fantasies, I chase around my head All day, all night He is there, a constant To bring me peace, I reach for him In my thoughts, he soothes me Calm and caring, kind and firm He eases inside me I love him It’s not truth. It’s not lies. It’s where reality dies Slowly, savoring my descent into madness I lust for him He is not fake. He is not real. Just an idol Just a superstar Out of my league, I love him still.

Everything Has Changed

I’ve become the sort of woman who allows life to happen to her. I’ve lost the desire, the motivation to make, no, to get a life of my own. Despair has creeped in and now I’m drowning in helplessness. Times are tough right now. I’m stuck in a cycle and facing a choice. I’m living for the weekend. For the possibilities of payday. Immediate goals. I have no long term goals.

New Life

The sensation of dying hope

Overtakes one suddenly

There is no warning

No smoke signals

No S. O. S.

When hope dies

One experiences the light and ease

Become weighted pressure

When hope dies

It pushes out all that could be

Crushing all that should be

Squashing what is

When hope dies

Like a Phoenix one must rise

From the ashes of hope

From the depths of despair

When hope dies

Reality seems bare

Stripped of color

Robbed of meaning

Pointless

When hope dies

Optimism can be birthed

The burden of disappointments

The last regrets of former hopes

Morph into new opportunities

When hope dies

A new life can begin

Predator

He is like a monster who lurks. When he smells your fear, he knows his power.

Looming down on you, his own thrill. He chases you to ground.

To him it’s a game. A rush of fun. Blood sport.

To you it's life or death. Fight or flight. Rape.

He tears into your flesh, rips away your fear.

Gnawing on your screams. Gnawing on your fight. Gnawing on your NO.

He slinks away with the tattered bits, all that's left of you. His trophy. His prize.

To him, you initiated the game. To him, the fun was mutual. Consensual. 

To you, he attacked unprovoked. Clueless and ashamed. Raped.

He ignores your protests, you asked for it. The hair, the makeup, the dress.

You asked for it.

He is the predator and you the prey. He is just a man.

But you, you know better.

You asked for it. You could've stopped it. You liked it.

Your fault, you're to blame. You could've stopped it.

How do you stop a monster?

How can you tell the predator from the prince?

He is the monster, lurking, power hungry. Rapist.

0-16; 16-0

There is a fight I carry with me.

Doubt.

Doubt so heavy,

Making my mind weary

Vs.

Hope.

Hope grows,

Implanted within my heart.

Dodging doubt,

Guarded with purpose,

Hope wins,

STILL UNDEFEATED.

Glory to be to God

Chloë Mitchell used by artist Ray Nachum on cover art from Anti by Rihanna

Questions?

Can't I just own to my hurt Why must I lie Deceive my audience To believe I'm fine Can't you just own to your lies Why must I hide Knowing the truth To feed your whine

Surrender is not for the Weak

Standing firm yet up to my knees Rising all around me My fears, my failures, my faults. Over the horizon Crests a tsunami Looming down on me To the wind my arms now stretch Head up feet planted Eyes seeing beyond the tower of waves Come wash over me Crash around and through Come shatter me

Dear U.S. Citizens

I would like to add my 2¢ about the election results: The President is a figure who leads an army of political forces. The President is looked to for guidance and as an example of the way we as Americans should face any global situation, tragedy and our personal lives. The President should be capable of consideration, décorum and an being unwavering example of what it means to be American. The President-elect has not shown any of these characteristics throughout this election or his public life. What we now have to look to is an egotistical, self-righteous and divisive individual holding the highest office in the land. He may just be a figurehead who lacks the depth to truly understand the world we live in, but he was the one who the majority of this country chose to represent them to the world. I don't hate the President-elect. I don't hate those who voted for him. I don't hate the outcome of the circus that surrounded the whole process. I am deeply offended by the root of his election strategy. He used the fear and anger we all live with to manipulate and control a shocking majority of this country. His tricks worked because we don't allow ourselves to admit that this past 8 years of progress was necessary for all Americans. The President we twice elected has led us into a time of change that we have long since asked for, however change is scary. Change requires something from us. It requires that we finally face what was and still is broken and decide what to do about it. I am offended by the way the majority of Americans have faced the change of these past 8 years and sincerely hope we can keep going forward. Not to "make America great again," but to allow the darkness of our culture to yield to the light of the American dream. We all want what is best for our families. We all want to believe there is a place for us and hope for a better today and a brighter tomorrow. We live in a country that was founded on the principle that all people deserve the right to live as they see fit without harm to themselves or others. That is the American dream. But the American nightmare is easier to embrace. This country's dream was birth on the backs of slaves and genocide. This is a country where being non-white, straight or male can get you killed and it's your fault for being different. That's the nightmare of America. That's the platform the President-elect chose to build on. He fed into our fears and won. He now represents the face and voice of Americans to the world. That is why I am offended. The world now sees our nightmare and we all forget the dream. Whatever America. Wake up America. Reality is the perception we choose to feed. Accept the nightmare in order to live out the dream. It is possible to admit that darkness has shadowed out country since its inception. It is possible to change that darkness. A wall cannot protect you from yourself. Change cannot come from a government without the people embracing it. Embrace the dream and leave the nightmares in the darkness of the past. Do not forget the darkness but learn to live in the light. Remember "Yes We Can" because we can. Lastly, FYI President Obama is still the President until Jan 20th so until then, "My President is black, my Lambo's blue.."

Late

So young yet I am late. The last one here at this table of opportunity, Only eating scraps left by those arriving before me. Virtuosos who came to discover their genius, Left nothing to be uncovered by me. Late to the party of change and revolutionary moments. Late to the age of discovery and exploration. Late to the firsts for wo/men and the fights for equality. So young they say, yet I am late. What’s left for me to do? What’s left for me to say? What’s left for me to prove? The last of the first ones here and all I see is destruction of what used to be. To be so young yet so hopelessly late, that’s my generations fate.

#RoughDrafts

the sorrow of decision

does it fade

for once done its response can’t be undone

even if its wrong

such sorrow belongs with those who regret

to those who discover the choice was wrong

the sorrow of decision

being the story of my shame

and I’m sorry no longer sounds the same.

Desire

I wish I want I ache For you The place You hold Is hollow Empty hope Wasted faith

I'm over it. Finished with the what ifs and maybes. See the truth is regretting each moment made me hate myself. I hated the decisions I made and the ones ignored. The paths of opportunity I followed and the paths I left. I hated waking up and feeling stuck in my life. Living how the wind blows, allowing others to create a future for me that held no joy or purpose for me. I regretted so much that I didn't know who I was. Late nights filled with sex, alcohol and mild drug use. I was lost when I stopped, just pretending to be found. I got caught up in what others believed, ignoring what my soul was screaming at me. How can I believe when I don't trust me? My choices were bad, my life lost in translation from youth to woman. I was choking on the restraints I placed on myself, trying to conform. I'm not like everyone else. I'm not ok with faking it until I make it or obligations. The freedom I seek is to accept what I believe, and live fully as a result of it. No more regrets for things undone and time wasted. I'm so over it.

Unconditional

I’ll never be the person who assumes. Assuming you love me, tears I shed. Assuming you want me, I’m alone. Assuming you think of me, I’ll be abandoned where you left me. Why should I assume to love? Why should I ask loyalties regards? I’ll never be the person who assumes. Instead I’ll be waiting for the word. You say go and I’ll run to you, for you. A patience perfect in the time it takes for you to see. I’ll never be the person who assumes.