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If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. YThey wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

On it boss!!

[id: a set of 5 UNO cards upon which has been written, "Yes", "no", "I don't have a card for that", "can't talk right now 😢", and "I have powerful wizard magics 🙂". End id]

the gimmick blogs are like tumblr’s rogue gallery. yes we’ve got some heroes, yes we’ve got some villains, but more importantly if you look over here you will see some freak who devotes all their time to counting the number of “t’s” in a post

T Count: 15

Letter Count: 198

Your T Percentage: 7.58%

Average T Percentage: 6.95%

You used the letter T 1.09 times as much as average!

YOU EXIST???

Sometimes you create a guy and it turns out they already exist

Sometimes that guy has skills beyond your comprehension @identifying-cars-in-posts

1993-1997 Mazda 626

Tumblr users have the same energy as Gotham citizens who refuse to move away after the fifth supervillain attack in a week.

At some point, staying becomes a weird badge of pride.

Look, I stay on Tumblr the same reason people stay in Gotham: at any given moment I could be blessed with a vision of Nightwing’s ass.

anytime kirk loses his shirt i'm like always expecting him to be rocking the whale tail of a g-string in the back

see. he's right at home in that thing

“Disillusion” is an intricate sculpture carved from a single block of marble by Italian Artist Queirolo. Even the net is marble!

buffins is very important

Yes! HOORAY FOR BUFFINS!!!

Buffins' expression reminds me of Dewey Readmore Books' expression:

Emily Blunt as Rita Vrataski aka ’The Angel of Verdun’ aka ’The Full Metal Bitch’. EDGE OF TOMORROW (2014) dir. Doug Liman.

Do you want to watch a movie where Emily Blunt does some absolute Warhammer 40k space marine badass nonsense in power armor?

Do you want to see her bisect liquid metal alien squid lions with a sword made out of a helicopter rotor blade?

Do you have the ability to tolerate Tom Cruise also being there?

Then I heartily recommend Edge of Tomorrow, also sold under the title of the light novel it’s based on, Live Die Repeat. It is a hecking good time.

I will say, for Tom Cruise likers, he is very good in this movie.

And for Tom Cruise dislikers, you get to see him die like thirty times in quick succession

A Kenku who can only repeat words said out of character

one thing you won't know until you experience it for yourself when you create art out of love is how it feels when people receive it with love. when you post a doodle and someone keeps it as their lockscreen, or when you write a story and someone tells you they were thinking about it all day, or when you post a poem and someone shares it with a touching caption. doesn't matter if it was objectively good or not. matters that someone spent time with it, that someone really, really liked it, and you made it. this kind of interaction, i think, it can really sustain you for weeks. it can sustain you through a lot of terrible things. its confirmation that you exist, and that (however briefly) your existence was appreciated by someone else through your art.

i am resharing this wonderful post and its words while also adding on the greatest, best, most precious experience like this i've ever had

(tags by @aethersea)

Asking for directions

Oh… - zooms in - Ohh…

That puts a whole different spin on it. It’s amazing either way, but now I need a moment.

Hi, OP. Your art inspired me to write a story; I hope you enjoy it.

The Earth rises in pieces over the curve of the moon.

So the astronaut unfurls their map – because there’s always a map, and always a plan, preflight checklists and safety protocols, each variable lovingly, fearfully calculated. The paper makes no sound. There’s only white-noise in their suit, like a sigh escaping. Dust that will never move again settles at their boots.

It’s cold. So very cold, and lonely.

The astronaut traces a gloved finger along a trajectory they do not recognize. Up, past inky orbits and soft, graphite nebulae, spirals and columns and the infinite black. They look away. Past the cyan mosaic of home, and into the void.

There stands the angel. 

real

Free serotonin from Honey thr Italian greyhound

El putoQUEEEEEEÉ?

And notice that he made it out of white oak.  Even with power tools, that’s doing it the hard way.

The artists is Oleksandr Hrytsai. He makes more of this beautiful stuff. Sadly, facebook only.

He’s so fucking stupid <3

Sound on I beg you

Audio: A cartoonish "bonk" as the cat hits the tank followed by a person's muffled laughter

I have been doodling a lot on my iPad mini these days, after a couple of years of just not feelin’ anything artwise. But I have shamefully neglected to post them to Tumblr! So have an art dump!

It started with a sheep. I was messing around with new watercolor tools and crosshatching tools, thought “that looks kinda like a sheep” and then took out the bits that didn’t look like a sheep.

The noble Aukhound, originally bred to herd migratory seabirds. These majestic, slightly damp creatures are now used extensively in ecological restoration work.

I do this whenever I see a frog.

Then I was just in the mood for weird shadowy cloaked figures.

You know that’s a clove cigarette.

Portrait Of A Creature With A Chicken On Its Head

Just two weird little creatures having tea together.