I can't.

I can't do this anymore, yet i can't let it get the best of me. I'm pushing through and i will achieve my goals and find my comfort. I'm not wired to be constantly happy, that's not realistic anyways. I can't put on a mask, i cant feign happiness or love. I'm okay with that. Just because i am not in the best state of mind does not make me a terrible person. It does not make me caustic. Things will get better, things will get changed. Someday when all this work pays off.

What hurts.

What hurts the most is that you don't get it. All of it. I atleast hope that you don't or else the problem is greater than I thought.

Repeat

You have a mind like a revolving door.

Edge.

So sharp in the beginning, you killed the pain of life. Your edge dulled so quick. Dragging out the inherent boredom.

Lonely.

Have you ever been so lonely that you entertain the idea of picking up a hitchhiker at midnight just so you have someone to talk to? Like the possibility of something ill happening to you is worth not sitting in silence.

Numb.

I can believe this all happened. The method is what hurt the most. I saw it coming. All the warning signs. The distance. I was terrified. Damned if i did, damned if i didn’t. Emotional purgatory. I could of been the cliché prince charming who did all the dirty work, but at what cost to myself? I went from one prison to another. The gleam of the later wore off quicker than I would of liked. I was willing to put in the time and effort to restore the shine. I wanted to make things work, but i was forced to drive down the wrong way of a one way road. Patience was never given, but always asked of. Now I’m the only one truly feeling it.