this post is constantly being updated - please send an ask if you find more!
NOTE: There are many more Carrds under the cut. This post would become too long if I added more and for the sake of easier access, I put the rest under cut!!
i tried to tell my boyfriend he looked hot by saying 'watch out hes a ladykiller' and he got sad voice made a frownie face and said 'i dont do that i dont kill ladies'
can i be taken out back and shot like a dog at this point
Infinite Garfield generator
this gif is so calming. Weeeeeee Hes alive hello garflid
i spent an insane amount of time trying to make that gif on my phone lmao please validate me 🥲
Sooo hilarious but I can completely see this being a real conversation between streaming execs 😏
(original vid: Asif Ali - instagram - https://tinyurl.com/2p8jpkzz)
“they even put an Indian guy in WandaVision”
hang on a second, I gotta look up something
yeah, this is really funny
In case you think the writers on strike aren't making good use of their time, think no more!
Only click the read more if you're fully prepared. I'm taking no responsibility past this point.
HERE THEY ARE!! this is going to have to be a 2 parter post cause I can only do 10 at a time— I’ve collected so mans of these dumb shirts on Pinterest
i love pitting classically trained magic users against self-taught magic users in sci-fi/fantasy but it shouldn’t be snobbish disdain for them it should be terror
“WHO TAUGHT YOU LIGHTNING BEFORE BASIC TELEKINESIS. LOSING MY MIND WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST DID IT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAST WITH YOUR BARE HANDS”
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU’VE ‘HACKED’ MANA DRAIN
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘DRINK SOME JUICE’
WHAT IS ‘LOW BLOOD SUGAR’
WHY IS THIS WORKING
I HATE YOU SO MUCH
Okay but other direction can ALSO be a lot of fun
“What do you mean I don’t have to burn half my blood to create a fireball?”
“Why can you teleport more than once without vomiting? WTF is ‘quantum displacement awareness’???”
“You know HOW many spells? HOW? ... What do you mean ‘my spell book’?”
“Ooooh, you’re just summoning water portions from the Plane of Water... Lol I thought I HAD to combine hydrogen and oxygen molecules to generate water in small amounts. That’s so much easier then what I was doing!”
Tags via @mia7437
an angel would fuck a streetlamp and it would be nothing. it would be like a dog thoughtlessly rutting against a couch: pure instinctual pleasure chasing with something that may elicit but not share in your libido. but if an angel fucked a cell tower then viable offspring could very well result
this isn't an arbitrary fact nor am i saying it in a fit of tryhard i'm-so-quirky-weird-internet-man pretense ok im saying that metaphysically speaking, if we were talking about the pure intent and function of angels and cell towers, they are absolutely in the same family of creature
people are asking "are you okay" and "what the fuck does this mean". you are not contributing to divine phylogeny
Angels are messengers, and cell towers pass on messages, as well. What's not to get?
"Many species of polychaetes undergo epitoky whereby sexually immature worms transform into pelagic morphs capable of sexual reproduction. After fertilization, they release their gametes through rapid disintegration." worms are out here having insane sex we can't even comprehend
"what do they mean by disintegrate?" "oh yeah no he fucking disintegrated"
A twitch streamer calling for his “mods” is exactly the same as a king asking for his knights to execute someone
thanks @bmoharrisbankofficial but unfortunately i can’t focus on the very important message here because i’m too busy being confused by the fact that apparently if you send an ask with only one letter tumblr will bold that letter in the “asked you” notification text?? why the fuck would that be the case
fascinating
what the fuck is the backend of this site like
Hi Elon: please add a decreasing counter bar in the corner of the screen so I know how many posts left I can view. Because having a health bar on twitter would be the only funny thing you can do right now
128x128 transparent ibuprofen png for when u and the discord server want to take ibuprofen together
As always, I'm curious...
Poll incoming:
