i'm the garbage man

my absolute gd beloveds i missed them so so much!!!

gonna hold out on inking/coloring them until the official hd art is released just in case i want to add or change something!

illya is so dramatic oh my god i love him

And they look out so hard for the well being of the spiders AND the dolphins

@moss-wizard of course this isn’t how we serve it!!

It has to be in a dish with much higher sides, so when we go to cut it and it tries to sliiiiiide away it doesn’t escape and blorp blorp blorp across mom’s nice tablecloth

SLICE YOUR CANNED BOGBERRY GOO INTO DISCS BEFORE SERVING, YOU FILTHY HERETICS.

NO. IT WILL BE SERVED IN PROPER CAN SHAPE, AND WILL HAVE ITSELF SCOOPED INTO WEIRD SHAPES THE WAY THE GODS INTENDED

YOU STAY OUTTA THIS, GOD-QUEEN-EMPEROR. AND TAKE YOUR CERVID STALKERS WITH YOU.

It's supposed to be served in can shape with two discs already sliced and laying tastefully in front

I have consulted the scriptures and this is variation is still within the bounds of orthodoxy.

Mash the can shape up. We giving the table what they want, chaos in a dish, with a serving spoon.

Not to derail the escalating heresy, but what do dolphins have to do with cranberry bogs?

cranberry is served in its can shape in the can direction, not on its side but on its cylinder

Right but you guys know that ocean spray also sells like. Cranberries. Which you can use to make an actually edible cranberry sauce on the stovetop in 10 minutes of unattended cook time

actual cranberries? ew no thank you. The unprocessed chunky stuff is GROSS.

Look, in my house, we mix it with whipped cream and freeze it in a graham cracker crust for dessert!

@oft-goes-awry

what the actual fuck?

@somethinginterestingithink

Behold, my grandmother's recipe for Cranberry Surprise:

For the crust, combine 2/3 cup crushed ginger snap crumbs (put them in a large plastic bag and crumble with a rolling pin, or a mug if you don't have one) with 2 T. of sugar. Press into a 9" pie plate.

For the filling, pour a half-pint of regular whipping cream into a bowl, and beat until stiff. Mix in 2 T. of sugar and 1/2 tsp. of almond extract.

In another bowl, take a 14 oz. CHILLED can of jellied cranberry sauce and mash it with a potato masher if you've got one, or a fork if you don't. (My mom bought me a potato masher specifically so I could make this dessert at holidays without having to borrow hers.)

Once the log is goo, fold the cranberry sauce into the whipped cream mix. Yes, it's supposed to be THAT pink.

Pour the pink cream-and-cranberry mix into the crust and freeze for at least 24 hours. Cut and serve immediately upon removal from freezer.

American Horror Food is one of my favorite tumblr post types.

(I make it from real cranberries but if I decide to go with Goo Log, I mash it like the unorthodox godkiller that I am.)

I can only add that I worked in a deep freeze warehouse for a little bit when I was younger. The cranberries would come in loose around Halloween. This big machine would clean, sort, and dump them into 1000 lb wooden bins that would be forklifted and stacked to freeze in the warehouse.

One time, somebody lost control of a bin and broke it open. I would like you to picture a dozen warehouse workers slip sliding around on frozen cranberry ball bearings for hours, trying to clean them up, while you play Yakety Sax in your head. It was a nightmare.

Doesn’t everyone have a special cranberry-from-the-can serving plate and slice-cutting tool! What, are you all just living live Neanderthals?!?!

Oh my ZOD I love that

my brother is a culinary artist. one year he made some amazing cranberry sauce that nobody touched. the next year he made the same sauce, added a thickener, and set it in a ribbed can (he reused a pumpkin can iirc), and it was a hit.

we like the vague can-shaped fruit gelatin. i personally like it even more when it’s home-made.

Ah, in my house we serve this standing up on a plate, and we call it Invisible Can. It is not a holiday dinner without Invisible Can.

IN A WORLD WHERE BEAUTY AND ATTRACTIVENESS HAVE BECOME SO COMMONPLACE AND MUNDANE THE EXCEPTIONAL UGLINESS HAS BECOME DIVINE

I SAW AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR A CAR THAT LOOKS LIKE EVERY OTHER CAR AND THEY COMPARED IT TO A UNUSUAL UGLY LITTLE VEHICLE AND ITS STRANGENESS WAS FAR MORE CAPTIVATING THAN THE SLEEK BORING CAR THE AD WAS ACTUALLY FOR

Umberto Eco, On Ugliness

BEAUTY IS FINITE, UGLINESS IS INFINITE LIKE GOD

it's rotten work, but without the rot nothing can grow

it's rotten work but decay is an essential part of the cycle of death and rebirth

I don’t wanna get involved in the drama I just wanna know 103% of the information on what happened

If there is something small you can do right now to help yourself a bit, this is a sign to do it. And yes, this can be anything from leaving a screen you have been staring at for hours to going for a walk, to playing with your pet to making yourself a snack to filling up a water bottle and taking several sips, to stretching out and so on. The point is just this: Can you do something small that’s good for you, go take a little break and do it. 🌸

I think one of my favorite fanfic tropes is when jaskier sees geralt hyped up on potions for the first time. Black eyes, veins all over his face, deathly pale skin.

Geralt smells jaskiers fear and thinks "this is it, this is when he realizes I'm a monster and now he's gonna leave."

But jaskier is afraid FOR geralt, thinking he's hurt or cursed or injured. He has never been and still is not afraid OF geralt.

Then they act like soft boys when they work to understand what's going on in the others head

“no, jaskier, don’t—“

“your insides look like theyre about to be your outsides, geralt, don’t you shoo me away right now,” jaskier snapped, picking his way through the dense brush to get to geralt.

geralt tried to keep his head turned away, hoping that when jaskier saw his face he would at least drop the bag of potions before he ran and geralt could possibly drag himself close enough to reach.

to geralt’s luck, jaskier didnt look up from geralt’s wound until after he’d patched it and was certain it would hold until the potion took effect.

that’s when he looked at geralt’s face.

“oh— geralt!” geralt smelled the vinegar-copper smell of fear and he tried to hide his face but it pulled at the stitches. “what—“

“i’m sorry,” geralt said quietly. “i never meant for you to see me like this.”

jaskier stood and looked around before dropping back to one knee.

“does it hurt? talk to me, darling, how do i fix it,” a hand cupped his cheek to force him to look back into jaskier’s eyes. “don’t hide from me. how do i help?”

“help?”

“your eyes, geralt, do they hurt you? your face… did the wraith do this?” jaskier asked, and even without being blown-out on potions geralt could have heard jaskier’s heart hammering in his chest. “darling, can you hear me?”

“i can hear you,” geralt said, frowning. “you’re not afraid?”

“i’m terrified!” jaskier said shrilly forcing geralt to wince. “i’m terrified,” he said again, nearly at a whisper. “are you cursed? can you— oh, gods, geralt, can you see?”

geralt interrupted jaskier’s babbling on how to get a blind, bleeding witcher back to camp before he got himself worked into a strop.

“i can see, jaskier,” he said quietly, putting a shaking hand over jaskier’s. the bard had never moved them from his face and had been rubbing one calloused thumb over and over geralt’s cheekbone. “this is what i look like. after,”

“after what, love,” jaskier breathed.

“after the potions. my blood’s gone toxic.” he replied, voice strangled.

jaskier sat quietly for a moment.

“every time?”

“if i take too many,” geralt countered, feeling a headache start between his eyes. he hissed and shut them, trying his best to cut down on any stimulation he could control.

“what do you need?” jaskier asked under his breath.

“everything is loud. bright,” geralt winced. “hurts.”

jaskier moved and took geralt’s head in his lap, gently pressing his hands against geralt’s ears. his fingers gently, gently pressed at his temples, easing away the worst of the headache.

geralt didnt know how long he lay there. long enough for his stomach to be nearly healed and for the sun to be peeking over the horizon.

“better?” jaskier asked hoarsely when geralt pushed himself up on an elbow.

“you didnt run,”

jaskier was silent, lips pressed together, looking down at the wonder on geralt’s face.

“how many times have you had to do that alone?”

geralt couldnt answer, but it seemed the silence told jaskier what he needed to know.

“not again.” jaskier said, carding his hands through geralt’s hair. “im not afraid of you, geralt. let me help.”

something warm bloomed in his chest at that, at the way jaskier helped him back to camp, at the way jaskier tucked them into one bedroll like he was afraid to let go.

he didnt run away. if anything, jaskier ran toward him with every inhumanity geralt had to expose of himself to the bard.

“you’re a fool,” geralt murmured at jaskier, arms wrapped around the bard and nose pressed to his spine.

“i’m your fool,” jaskier countered.

geralt was glad that jaskier was his anything, let alone his everything.

that morning, geralt slept holding the whole world between his aching arms, and he’d never slept better.

funniest tiktok exchange of all time

it's always so funny when a band makes a song that is nothing like their usual music just to fuck around a bit and then that becomes their most popular song. kind of humiliating for them i imagine

Chumbawamba: (taking a 3 and a half minute break from being a weird anarchist punk folk collective singing songs about various social and political ills) I GET KNOCKED DOWN AND I GET UP AGAIN...

The girls are exeeerrrcising

don't hide your tags bestie this is so cute

(*idk what the soda arrangement is like in other countries so this might be very usa-centric sorry)

Holy shit, someone on Youtube is uploading HUNDREDS of unaired TV pilots from the 2000s-2010s

Somebody please archive these in case YouTube takes them down

Don't worry, someone on Reddit has downloaded them all and will upload them to the Internet Archive later

The uploader apparently has a lot more of these, and is taking requests for more in the comments, so if anyone has anyone they want to see shoot 'em a line

'the human body is perfect god doesnt make mistakes' what about wisdom teeth then. huh. gonna let those bastards grow in and fuck up your jaw for god. didnt think so

also the exploding appendix

there's an entire book about all the ways the human body is fucked up, but the highlights I remember are: -The blood vessels for our rods and cones in our eyes don't run behind them but rather in front of them. It's like putting the power cables *over* a camera's lens -the nasal sinus cavities fucked up during evolution. when our skulls shortened, we went from having a straight shot from one end to the other to having basically a basin which can collect mucus, which then has the actual exit for the chamber at the top of it. this normally isn't a problem bc cillia can work viscous mucus up it, but when we get sick and produce super watery mucus, it no longer works, which is why our noses get stuffed up. the book is called Human Errors: A Panorama of Our Glitches, from Pointless Bones to Broken Genes. I recommend it.

Most mammals can’t get scurvy. They make their own Vitamin C. But in primates, the gene to make it is broken. Normally, when an important gene breaks, the organism dies and has no surviving descendants, but when it broke a few million years ago, our ancestors were living in a lush climate with lots of fruit and survived the failure just fine.

Then humans invented fire and clothing, and moved to colder climates where fresh food was only available part of the year, and scurvy was born.

And our reproduction, oh heavens. There are SO MANY WAYS that human reproduction is fucked up that simply DO NOT APPLY to other animals, even the our nearest relatives, the great apes. When a gorilla is giving birth, she finds a nice hiding place in the trees, squats down for like half an hour, and pushes out a baby. Humans, not so much. In fact, the outcomes of unassisted childbirth in humans are so poor that most anthropologists agree that we must have invented midwifery in some form before we became fully human.

Skitchity sketchity

HENRY CAVILL Behind the Scenes of The Witcher Shaerrawedd one-shot

all you have to do to be a living dead girl is be living and yet be dead. you don't even have to be a girl.

Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me.

I know there is a lot of discourse (tm) around this right now but listen to me

sometimes you do just have to lie to children.

If, when my toddler is, you know, toddling around saying “mama? Big ball?”

If I were lean down and say “unfortunately the big beach ball for some reason fills you with such an unadulterated rage that is beyond human comprehension that you scream until you pass out, so mama had to remove the beach ball from the premises until you can better regulate your emotions” she would simply stare at me like I had 3 heads full of equal betrayal.

So, for now, instead “big ball went night night!”

Please understand when I say “removed the ball from the premises” I mean I popped it in a fit of exhausted confusion. I murdered the beach ball.

See I’ve lied to you all too and it was better this way.

you can’t just leave this in the tags etc.

You can’t be funnier then me on my own posts, I’m in tears from laughter

starting a collection