DAILY AFFIRMATIONS

• I WILL TAKE MY ADHD MEDICATION

• I WILL BRUSH MY TEETH

• I WILL LEARN WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AFFIRMATIONS AND A TO-DO LIST IS

Spicy stuff has an unusually high ceiling, it seems like. Salty foods can only be as salty as salt. Even the sourest candy of all time poses basically no challenge to an adult palate. Spicy foods, though? They can be spicy enough to make you throw up and that’s not even approaching the spiciest food ever. A spicy food can kill you by being spicy

Sour absolutely has a high ceiling. It’s just caused by acidity, isn’t it? We could go all the way to “dangerously corrosive”, could we not?

One time, I ate so much sour candy in one sitting that my tongue started actually bleeding

realizing you're the biggest pervert in a room is a scary feeling. like oh nooo in my circles i'm like an entry level pervert at best... i'm only into really basic stuff like computers and wound fingering and surgery.

This kinkster says: Show you care about risk management and your fellow kinkster and wear a mask in shared public spaces! 😷❤️

The hottest people are masking in 2025 and will keep masking because it protects you, me, family and loved ones, friends, neighbors, communities, and literally can protect someone across the globe because you're reducing the spread of COVID-19 and other respiratory diseases.

sometimes i struggle to use the word ‘bootlicker’ in a negative sense because of sexual desires i will not disclose here

Is it licking boots?

because of sexual desires i will not disclose here.

do you think for robots the equivalent of the dog thing is like,. 'i wanna be her toaster so bad' or some shit like that. Applianceplay i Guess. What kitchen appliance is the most dog-like in terms of being a humble & loyal servant that would be the motif everyone on robot tumblr is obsessed with

Now I’m thinking about a robot brat who fantasizes about being a printer

Can I come over and follow you around everywhere like a lost puppy and rest my head on your shoulder and poke you and touch you and play with your hair and paw at you really annoyingly and watch you do things and bite you and curl up next to you and fall asleep on you and admire everything you do

if I were a bee I'd fetishize the idea of a beekeeper clipping my tiny wings so I can't escape (remembers you're not supposed to say shit like that) I mean yesterday I ate two yogurts normally

no doctor the meds will kill them!! thwy need someone to bite their bottom lip and kiss them through the blood STAT !!

went into a wine shop the other day to buy pasta and they did not have pasta but they were doing a wine tasting so i thought what the hell. and got to chatting with the other woman there because we had both just come from the library and were comparing our books and sipping wine and turns out we’re both teachers so we got on the topic of phones in classrooms—and the guy pouring our wine was like ‘that’s actually a point of contention in one of my divorces right now.’

and i very delicately said ‘one of your divorces?’ and his eyes got really big and he said I’M A PARALEGAL

dude it’s not a boypussy it’s a Manhole comeunto the sewer i got the teenage mutant ninja turtles in there we need yourr helppp. Yeah, the fucking rat too

the reporting around the Fuckhead Throatspigot shooter's whole deal has been fucking shocking from the word go

like calling it 'irresponsible' feels too charitable

bullet casings covered in trans/antifa slogans and iconography. actually it was just industry-standard manufacturer's marks. actually the bullet casings WERE covered in slogans and iconography but it's all pudding-brained edgelord groyper shit and nobody working for The News even knows what that is.

the shooter was turned in by his dad, because he still lived at home. actually he had an apartment he shared with his trans girlfriend. actually they weren't dating and the trans girlfriend is actually a cis boyfriend. actually they were just roommates and the roommate was the one who turned him in.

proof of any of this? far as I can tell, the 'anonymous sources' of a D-list Fox News flunky and random hacks working for notorious scumrag The Sun interviewing a supposed neighbour, who makes Ralph Wiggum's claims about one of the babies looking at him sound like a towering bastion of credibility.

if you wanna work out what the deal with any of this actually is then good fucking luck to you pal

There is a word I’m not allowed to use. I love it. I love it so much. But my darling beloved wife hates it with a fiery passion.

I came across it from Anne Lister’s diary, where she says that she would “grubble under women’s skirts” and honestly. The word perfectly encapsulates the fumbling feeling of fighting your way through layers of fabric to reach the promised pussy land.

However the word has been forbidden, reviled from the first moment my beloved heard it. They shuddered and it’s truly one of the only restrictions they’ve ever placed on my vocabulary so I don’t say it. But I do think it, on occasion.

Sometimes the word will pop into my head and I will think it too hard and my wife will turn and glare at me and accuse, “I know you’re thinking it!”

“But I didn’t say it!” I protest. But they’re always right. Even with no context they always know when I’m thinking it.

Today I told my wife, “I shared the unmentionable word with Astrid today and she quite enjoyed it. She repeated it several times.”

They bellowed liked a dying wildebeest and said, “I can go months without remembering that word exists and then it comes up again. It’s so disgusting, it’s what Sméagol would do on the ground digging for worms!”

I was laughing and protested, “It sounds like fighting through skirts, the groping around.”

“No! That is something that happens in the muck and the filth. It’s negative sexy.

“Bet you're gonna take to Tumblr and share it and some people are gonna be like, ‘Oh what a great word! We should definitely use that in our lexicon. Top tier word!’ And you know what? THEYRE WRONG. GARBAGE WORD. GROSS.”

I listened to their impassioned hatred while cuddled in their arms and radiated love at them and remorse for having reminded them about the existence of grubbling. But now you get to hear about it. As a treat.

Also preserved in our archive

The same processes that make carrageenan a good candidate for a viral prophylactic also make it difficult to get an accurate result on PCR tests. Use it sparingly, not daily.

People looking for the gaps in our understanding where the meaning of consciousness or free will might hide often turn to quantum uncertainty or infinite cosmologies, as if we don't have breathtakingly complex emergent phenomena right there in our freezers.

Phase Changes [Explained]

Transcript Under the Cut

#oh my ice cube tray did this once! it had a boner (via @bird-cannibalism)

just saw a death certificate from rural 1938 where the attending physician put “DON’T KNOW. NO DIAGNOSIS.” as the cause of death. bruh.

the lady was 78 and the death did not seem to be suspicious as a coronial inquest was not ordered. I’ve seen a lot of “no physician in attendance” on older death certificates but this was the first time the doctor was like “yeah, I was there. no clue what happened. she just died. no contributing causes. just died.”

this also happened to Padme Amidala

I have learnt today that my library refers to me as 'the specific and highly active user' and has denied some of my purchase requests because 'we can't skew the collection too much toward the taste of the specific and highly active user'.

I did suggest roughly 100 vampire books for purchase last year. I think this probably has something to do with that.

“Come hell or high water” no thank you just semen for me