i love acquiring new sounds for my vocabulary. ough. oughghghgh. ough,,,,,. weh! wehhhh. lkjghslkdfjghsdjghs. hhhhhhhhh. hrgngnggnhghghghghgh,

i know this is the autism webbed site but it’s not gonna go that big, right?

YOU PEOPLE CAN’T DO THIS TO ME

 ok but what about

@triruntu

@elodieunderglass uhhhhhh… Birb?

I Suggest we Consider:

AQUATIC (penguin)

I dunno, I kinda love it… :D

It’s a fine line to tread when you’re breeding your phoenix. A swan is good:

But take it a few genes to the left and you’ve got a GOOSE

(Make no mistake, a swan will mess you up just as hard as a goose. But it is the difference between being slain with a katana and getting whacked with a bag of old potatoes.)

It got better

@elodieunderglass

Oh my God someone actually drew a Good Version of my Dubious Penguin????? And THEN someone added a sweonix (swan phoenix)? Oh man, this is the stuff you miss when you’re in the middle of a reblog chain.

@english-history-trip that is some powerful art, and I respect the trip that it represents from the sublime to the absurd, for in this journey we find enlightenment.

@keire-ke your magnificent penguin art represents the other side of the journey, which takes us from the absurd to the powerful. In this journey we find truth.

According to some sources, the legend of the phoenix might be derived from another bird noted for it’s striking appearance and who, indeed, are of the order Phoenicopterus

You know what birds those are?

FLAMINGOS!

Just saying…. if someone wanted to try ANOTHER take on Fawkes….

This is terrible and I feel like I should apologise, but really, it’s @iconuk01‘s fault.

Also I am not a certified Birb artist.

Never

Apologize

For

Shaming

Herodotus

so I’m speaking hypothetically here but is there any reason we can’t move the whole Phoenix thing backwards up the dinosaur family tree a little bit?

T-Rex Phoenix. that’s where I’m going with this.

Phoenix kiwi . Please you master birb artists make it happen! A useless flightless bird who gives death from the knees down

Dear @bunjywunjy and @gigi-tastic I hope you shall enjoy these firey beasts of past and present.

They make a fantastic duo.

HELL

YES

HELL

FUCKIN

YES

@elodieunderglass Do penguin phoenixes dive down to geothermal vents for food? That would be a good reason to make them phoenixes.

They could! There are some near the Antarctic. Also, since classically there can only be one phoenix at the time, their self-immolating funeral pyre is required to provide enough heat to hatch their egg 😔

ten years of fighting and when shit hits the fan tumblr instantly has reddit's back. the greatest enemies to lovers story ever told.

you understand

[ID: first is a screenshot of tags by sarah-dipitous reading: this was them wearily showing up at our door because they 'didn't know where else to go', and we said 'who did this to you?' with a protective ferocity we didn't know we felt. next is a tag from anthonyAmpersand reading: they're having the nastiest hurt-comfort sex ever rn (initials for right now) end/]

i often get asks that are like 'how do you enjoy anything' and similarly have a lot of detractors on web site who call me, like, 'joyless', and i feel like that's kind of revealing about the way these people conceptualise criticism (& especially political criticism). like esp. when i say something like 'DOOM 2016's central conceit of a heroic ubermensch righteously massacring an infinite horde of subhuman invaders is fundamentally a reactionary fantasy' i think that people assume that means i played the whole game through gritted teeth or threw it down in disgust but nah i played that whole thing and had a great time. i just also made some mental notes and thought them through afterwards. i just find it weird so many people find those things to be in abject contradiction

I keep forgetting I unfollowed the r/polyamory subreddit, and then I'll randomly see Some Bullshit someone screen-capped in a group chat, and I'll be like, ah. Good call on that one.

Is functional polyamory possible in humans? Yes, I believe so. but much like room temperature fusion, I don’t think we have yet demonstrated it. 

... as someone with friends in polyamorous relationships older than me (36+ years and counting), I'm going to have to disagree on that one.

We only hear about the ones that end badly because happy people don't post on forums bitching about their disastrous love lives.

Also, just to add: I know I used the longevity of a relationship there to make a point, but the longevity of a relationship is not always an indicator of a healthy or happy one.

Some polyamorous people would consider multiple, short-lived relationships that end amicably to still be successful because they were happy while the relationship is what vibed for them.

Not everyone looks at love or relationships in the same way. Not everyone wants to get on the relationship escalator. That doesn't mean they've failed at polyamory. It means they are successfully being polyamorous in a way that is best for them.

So yes, actually. I think it is more successful than people realize. I think we're just more likely to hear about the people who jumped ass-first into a situation they weren't equipped to handle and, frankly, probably have similar issues in monogamous relationships as well. The problem is just magnified tenfold when you add more people to it.

Black Snake, marble and limestone. William E. Nutt, 2002.

worst or best boss mechanic in ffxiv is that sniper guy that puts a circle around you with a gap and youre supposed to face the gap towards him to avoid his attack prompting players to yell SHOW HIM YOUR HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in chat

FBI tries to stop “Louie Louie”

some more dragon names:

i’m best friends with my eye floaters but recently i’ve been hearing whispers of unionization

You've grasped the zeitgeist of the place in record time, friend.

honored to be here

Everyone else talked about outdoor cats, it's time for me to talk about offleash dogs

Reasons not to have your dog offleash at a public park:

1) roads (this one is self-explanatory)

2) it makes the park inaccessible to like, entire swathes of the population. If you have experience with police dogs or guard dogs in your neighborhood, or you're a new immigrant from somewhere with a large population of feral dogs, it sucks ass going to the park and having someone's massive lab bound up to you!

3) If, for example, you are in a protected wetland area plastered with friendly signs asking you to please leash your dog to avoid causing an ecological impact, having your dog offleash might cause an ecological impact! "Oh no, my dog is well-behaved, they would never bother the wildlife" wrong! your dog is in the pond trying to eat the endangered Blandings' turtles!

4) Non-zero chance of a jokerified park guide (me) just clipping your dog to a leash and stealing them

5) “Oh but my dog is friendly!” If your unleashed “friendly” dog runs up to my leashed UNFRIENDLY dog, and my dog bites yours, guess who’s getting the blame despite doing everything right?

6) people are afraid of dogs. dogs love running up to people. dont let your dog run up to a person who is scared of it

7) even outside of the example above, people might have had bad experiences with dogs, which means that even the cuddliest friendliest dog in the universe is not going to be a good experience for them

8) Don't Let Your Dog Eat Things It's Not Supposed To Or So Help Me

9) dogs don’t always listen to commands they know when excited, and if you haven’t been exercising rarer commands, they’re going to forget those commands

I try not to do things to "piss off" my enemies I want the memory of their cruelty to die with me.

Saying that things are arguably other things is great because you're not asserting that it is that thing, you're merely asserting that one can frame an argument that it's that thing – and let me tell you, I'm prepared to make some stupid fucking arguments, so it's basically always true.

LADS LADS LADS LADS LADS LADS LADS LADS

A thing I've come to feel is a shortcoming of the metroidvania genre is that the mobility-upgrade-based progression often finds itself in uncomfortable tension with the puzzle-platforming gameplay that stands as one of the genre's central pillars. The interplay between the two typically leads to a situation where the early game's platforming puzzles have little variety because you've got so little to work with, and conversely, upgrades obtained in the late game go badly underutilised outside of the optional map cleanup phase (which, if we're being honest, most players don't bother with anyway).

What I'd love to see is a metroidvania that addresses this by bridging the gap between Super Metroid and Super Mario World and tightly coupling its upgrade scheme to ability-granting pickups. That is, you can encounter literally any ability in any part of the map, in the form of a temporary pickup that lasts for just that one puzzle. Maybe there are force fields you have to pass through that remove all of your temporary powerups, preventing them from being taken into other parts of the map, or maybe there's some other limiting factor. Permanent upgrades would then take the form of being able to toggle specific powerups at will, without needing a pickup, enabling them to be brought into "unintended" parts of the map.

Heck, if you want to get excessively clever about it, maybe there are situations were picking up a certain powerup is unavoidable, and you need the permanent upgrade that lets you toggle that powerup at will in order not to have it active, which is beneficial in that situation for some goofy reason. Or maybe there are cases where the powerup-removing force fields along a certain route are themselves avoidable using some non-obvious trick, allowing powerups encountered along that route to be smuggled into screens where they're not normally obtainable prior to gaining the ability to toggle them.

Like, imagine the speedrun routing.

(Also, for bonus points, it should cut directly against the customary underutilisation of late-game upgrades by having the very last powerup you gain the ability to toggle at will present as a mandatory pickup for solving the game's very first platforming puzzle.)

From the latest update (June 2nd, 2023)

Oh, fuck this. If you're a new user, don't forget to set your dashboard to Following and turn "Based on your likes" and "Best stuff first" off

Ways to refluff Vicious Mockery

what the fuck

saxo cere comminuit brum

what the actual fuck

@nekrotikon

the word for brain here is cerebrum, and it's been literally split in two

I've seen wordplay like this before in Latin, but with compound words that are clearly made up of separate parts

but "cere" is not a word and neither is "brum"

you could translate it something like

"he split his br apart ain with a rock"

and it's only slightly less unreadable than that due to freer word order

needless to say something I'd expect more from a modern experimental poem than an ancient epic

Latin linguistic shitposting is amazing. Like, I can't recall exactly, but there's a line of poetry that says basically "Claudius lives in the mountains mountains".

Except because Latin is inflected and word order is less important, it's actually written like "in the (mountains) Claudius (mountains) lived"

And it still means the same thing. Except why the duplicate of mountains? Because it turns out, Claudius didn't live in the mountains. He lived in a valley between two mountains.

They changed the word order of the sentence and duplicate a word, to do a word-order pun about where some random guy lived! It's great, and exactly the kind of thing you can't do in English, because we depend so much more on word order.