When I was a kid, I was really enamored a handful of local radio stations--the DJs were hilarious and really nice and would play songs for you, but my favorite thing was this thing one of them did called the 5:20 Primal Scream.

Every day at 5:20 he would take a random caller and let them shriek their head off on the air. No opinions or venting or anything like that, just wordless screaming. Often these were people in traffic or just getting off work. And you got some really adorable people being all "YRAERGH" and then giggling and feeling better after

And I remember one guy who just went "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" for like half a minute and the DJ was like "holy crap you're like some kind of tornado siren". I think about that guy sometimes.

And I think about that DJ. I hope he's doing okay.

tbh if i was a wizard and someone pissed me off i'd just shout a random made up word at them and let them panic and sweat for the next 20 years wondering if i'd just placed a curse on their entire bloodline

some guy: hey fuck you bitch

me, a known sorcerer of immense power and skill: okay well. bangarang. how'd you like that huh asshole.

them: wtf

[unbeknownst to either of us, a bolt of lightning strikes some random dude taking a walk outside 30 miles away]

did yall know there were more

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

A man with 3 caution stickers on his med file

Since this post blew up and people have asked for this villain’s record, here are some of Stinky Bastard Man’s more heinous crimes:

Ripped an escape hole

in the patio screen door

in a single night

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

oh my god he’s THIS Stinky Bastard Man!!!!

the stinky bastard man, the stinky bastard myth, the stinky bastard legend

Literally where would be as a society without the soup store video

ive never met anyone under 25 who hasnt seen it.

It's literally an impossibly good video. The fucking performance and sheer ANGER and building frustration from both party's, the absurdity, the slow ramping ridiculousness, the way the diologue flows off itself at a breakneck speed, the phrase "I'm at soup" the pure fucking rage off both parties, the sheer almost unbelievable idiocy from the guy who's 'at soup,' the way it ends so ubruptly without losing any momentum. Its insane. I've watched it 150 times in like 2 years its never not funny.

here’s the video since op didn’t link it

stomping on my phone like a cigarette

Pulling a second, identical phone out of my pocket, hands visibly shaky, and logging back into tumblr

imagine seeing this post in 10000 years when humans have all died

might seem like a harmless quirk but once you start typing in exclusively lowercase you can never capitalize anything again outside the designated midsentence Gay Emphasis Zones or anyone following you for longer than a week will think you’re about to commit murder

These are so satisfying and smooth and untouchable. And also I want to smash them like a gleeful toddler.

Ahhhh, nothing quite like introducing an American to the Northern Territory’s “C U in the N T” tourism marketing campaign and watching their face engage in a slapdash performance of every emotion known to man in the span of about three seconds

This is a sample for those not familiar:

The US has something similar for Salt Lake City, Utah.

the virgin loss.jpg versus the chad xkcd Seven Years

Don’t forget the latest version, Ten Years

I’m taking my shit and leaving!

Drone Dragon 1500

1,500 drones light up the sky over Shenzhen on June 22 with a flying dragon

this amazing display kicked off China's Dragon Boat Festival, taking place on the 5th day of the 5th month of the Chinese calendar, commemorating the ancient poet Qu Yuan

sending people wikipedia articles is my favorite form of humor. one time a long time friend of mine asked why i was using a different name and acting different i sent him the wikipedia page for DID. ryder just asked me why its 108 degrees in nevada right now and i sent him the wikipedia page for global warming and the season of summer.

i see you all in the tags going "this is so funny" you better not steal my fucking bit. im copyrighting this joke

you cant do this to me

Lil drawings of ghosts based on some synonyms for ‘ghost’ & what vibes I get from each one.

this is absolutely correct

monster manuals be like this

@spiritspodcast

hm. today i will listen to mined craft music

oh. im gay now.

autumn view of kamikochi, japan by andy leung

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