when you’re eating dinner at a friends house and the food is gross

ladies! is there honestly anything sexier than

bread

Bread with cheese.

Who's gonna pay for this kid's therapy though?

(Also the impeding Disney copyright lawsuit) via

Protection of property and prevention of theft have never been a priority for police. Even when they do show up hours after you've called to report a robbery, their response is generally, "well, what do you want me to do about it?"

People talk about defunding the police like society will suddenly devolve into lawless chaos, but what exactly do cops do besides hand out tickets and escalate situations they're meant to defuse?

The only time protecting private property or preventing theft matters to the police is when they can use it to suppress peaceful protests by minorities who don't want to be murdered for being minorities.

If you ever feel bad just remeber there is a gif of me floating around tumblr of when I was 8 and I sat on the escalator and knocked down a table of jewelry at macys

Eminem isn’t violent, Slim Shady is. Get it right.

im robbing a bank tomorrow and when the cops come for me imma tell them it was my alter ego countess boochie flagrante

*thunder crack* maniacal laughter

I do the same at the theater. I always say “enjoy your movie” and they almost always say “thanks you too” and it’s so great to watch the different reactions because some people will walk back to me and explain what they meant and it’s so great

Cinnamon Bear, Bryan Davies - Here is the bedroom we finished for our rescued shelter cat (Wyatt) this weekend. He actually goes in to nap and watch birds on YouTube :). Fame hasn’t gone to Wyatt’s head, even after he got an article by Stephen Messenger @dodo !

im going insane thinking about this newborn alpaca fucking look at it

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine

SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.

“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”

“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”

Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.

In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.

Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.

“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”

“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”

Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.

“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”

While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.

“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”

“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.

At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milstein’s trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.

How do you explain to someone that this is your sense of humor

I was wondering where this was going and lemme tell you I fell out of my chair