Sewer Ghost

yesterday i rolled a joint and immediately lost it and my only comfort has been imagining it traveling chef boyardee style down the stairs and across the walkways to a stoner in greater need than myself

when yeah we're evil

honestly its gay as fuck to even be a man

i want the ability to instill disparate concepts onto animals (the concept of houses, warts, midnight, etc) and like spend an afternoon throwing one concept at a time into a boar's brain and see how long it would take before you see the boar become visibly distressed as it starts connecting ideas together but has nothing to do with them

boar has learned about the concept of alimony at 2:39pm. boar understands alimony is connected to marriage (learned at 12:02pm) but doesn't know what divorce is yet. boar has conceived of the idea of truffles (knowledge intrinsic) being divested from him as a result of alimony but doesn't know how to anticipate or avoid it. boar has begun loudly grunting and tamping its hooves.

if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

i'm crying because soap lung rash from asmr is exactly the kind of insane medical diagnosis this show would have. i can see the crappy cgi zoom in on her hair follicles (in 2024 the cgi would still be 2004 cgi). you nailed it

sorry i really don’t like just reposting someone else’s joke but i haven’t been able to stop thinking about Yucky Stinking Tooth for weeks

I wish there were medieval fantasy written by people who actually found the medieval period interesting

I don’t mean grittiness I mean like anthropologically. The medieval period was fucking weird and the people who lived through it had fundamentally different perspectives on how the world works than even very religious modern people, reading a medieval fantasy shouldn’t feel like I’m just reading a contemporary person running around with a sword.

the point of pink camo is that it looks cute

no it's for concealment during combat operations in fantasy candy land type environments with bushes made of cotton candy and candy canes used as load bearing architectural elements. like the kart game in wreck it ralph. duhh.

happy men's day everyoneeeee

Believe it or not, I found this method in a Terry Pratchett book.

calling in to work sick with a “weird dream”

oh no cigarettes for me thanks i just wanted to be in this dank alleyway with you

even more fishes!! fish party!!!!!!!