see, you're proving what i said in the post. i am 100% a man, a boy, a male, a masc aligned person, whatever. i am also 100% a woman and fem aligned person. i shouldn't be allowed into a community of women? i AM a woman. i AM a fem aligned person. why are nonbinary people who are neither accepted, but not nonbinary people who are both?
lesbians are attracted to women. i am a woman. would i not be allowed in lesbian communities because i'm not JUST a woman? what if i was dating a lesbian? would their lesbian attraction to me not be valid, even though i'm a woman? would i not be allowed to interact with the lesbian community, even though i'm a woman?
i would like to ask you what harm this actually does. if i, a man, were hypothetically a lesbian. in this scenario, i find myself happy and surrounded by other wlw people; i feel like i've found a community that truly understands my love for women, which was my entire reasoning for joining the lesbian community. but i'm a man. what does that do? some people feel uncomfortable. some people block me (which is good - curate your online experience). would my participation be telling people that they aren't lesbians and invalidating their identity? would my participation lead to lesbians getting harassed or assaulted in their day to day life? would that be discriminating against lesbians by treating them unfairly or being prejudiced against them? would that be somehow forcing lesbians to date people they aren't attracted to? why is it lesbophobic to be a lesbian?
i noticed you said that the entire point of having a "safe space" is to get away from men. so many people in the queer community see men as inherently unsafe, violent, aggressive, etc. this is gender essentialism - radfem rhetoric. men are the enemy, and out to get you, just because they're a man. not based on their behavior, or the choices they make, just being a man (which they cannot control) makes them the enemy. simply the act of being a man makes them unsafe to be allowed in "women's spaces", even if they themselves are a woman. but even if they aren't women, manhood is not inherently evil.
but this doesnt just apply to the whole "men can't be lesbians" discourse. why are we separating "spaces" based on gender to begin with? transgender people have been hurt by this for a long time. why are we trying to force nonbinary people to conform to what we think nonbinary people SHOULD look like?
the queer community tries to separate gender into three neat little boxes: masc, fem, and neither. you've said it yourself, people who are neither are welcome in lesbian spaces, or whatever other gendered spaces. but people who are both AREN'T. that's what my original post was about. being nonbinary isn't just a Third Gender. some people are genuinely just agender, but there are so many other ways to be nonbinary. this idea of "fem aligned people" vs "masc aligned people", with masc aligned people being the enemy and unsafe and not allowed in the girls only club- uh i mean fem aligned people club- just sounds like gender roles and gender essentialism with a "progressive" label on top of it.
you are excluding people like me by saying that only people who fit neatly into your ideas of what a woman or nonbinary person look like are welcome. you haven't actually learned to accept people who have identities that are "strange" to you, you just redefined what normal identities are. you internalized that agender/neutral/"neither" nonbinary people are normal, but not other types of nonbinary people who CAN'T be sorted into those gender roles. you reject people if they don't fit your idea of what they SHOULD be like, regardless of their actions. that's prejudice and discrimination.
it's not xyzphobic to let people decide what labels best apply to your identity. it's not transphobic to say that trans men are allowed to apply traditionally feminine labels to themselves if they want to, or vice versa. it's not lesbophobic to say that people are allowed to decide that the word "lesbian" best describes their experience. what IS xyzphobic is making those decisions for them.
you know what transphobes do? they decide what labels apply to trans people. they don't let the individual decide for themselves what their identity is, or what language applies to them; they decide FOR them. they keep transgender people outside of communities that the transgender person WANTS to be part of, just because of their identity. queer people do this to each other too.
i have to question every day whether i will be welcome in a queer space, or if i'll be rejected because of my identity, EXACTLY the way i have to worry about if non-queer people will reject me for my queer identity. i come to queer spaces to find people who are like me, who will accept me, and there i see blatant discrimination against people like me. THAT is my point. we can do better guys
