need a funny headline. ran out of ideas

Tubbo replied to Tommy's tweet on his main at 23:09 BST

ive been learning how to play cribbage

[ID. A four panel comic of a Raven and a Leopard Gecko playing Crib while a Rabbit sews on a nearby armchair. It starts with Raven counting, "Ok, I've got.... 15 for two, 15 for four..." Leopard Gecko prompts, "And?" and Raven replies, on a close up of their hands, "Um... Oh! And I have the right Jack! Five!" Rabbit pipes up from their chair, "One for his knob!" and Leopard Gecko scowls, "ugh." The last panel, shows Raven on a pink background as they giggle, "One for [underlined] her knob. #Feminism." End ID.]

did youknow capybaras hatch from tangerines and they re called capybabys pretty cool huh

im being serious every time you reblog this a hostage dies

lalallalalalalalal *frolicking* 

omgg lalalalyayyayayyy *chases you*

i'll go first my parents almost named me felicity. which would've been so cool but i definitely would've been like 5x crazier if i was named that

newbie fic authors, shooting themselves in the foot: This fic is bad haha I suck at writing lol I am being mean to myself in the hopes that you will be nice to me but actually am dissuading anyone from even clicking on my fic because all I have done to advertise it is tell you why you shouldn't read it

me: I am King Big Dick of Fanfic Mountain and I have arrived in your fandom with the Express Intention of writing my Very Favorite Fics, which I will generously allow you to read. You're welcome.

whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision

i'm so glad i happened to see these tags this is the best thing anyone has added to this post so far

If a worker who isn't the owner says ANYTHING similar to "I'm not really supposed to do this but-" and then does something that helps you, under no circumstances inform the business, including through reviews. You tell them that the worker was polite, professional, the very model of customer service and why you like to go there. You do not breathe a word of the rulebreaking.

I hate when people try to be some kinda funnyman in response to powerful art. Maybe you should just earnestly feel things once in a while, babe.

Oh, and adding to this…I also hate when people try to be some kinda funnyman in response to art that was earnestly done but maybe fell short of what it was trying to do or had a certain naivety to it…maybe you should just earnestly try to make things once in a while, babe.

ME

[ID: a tiktok showing a woman on a train with earphones. there is text overlayed reading "4 hour train ride thank god I have my headphones and haven't gotten over anything in my entire life". end ID]

End your New York Times subscription

you disagreed w me in an intellectually honest way. we're friends now.

consider: hermit oli theorionsound, but he only ever appears in joe hills videos

nobody knows for certain whether he’s even on the server or not, the banners never updated with him on it, there’s no actual evidence of him being on the server, he just keeps appearing in joe hills vids and nowhere else

until, on the final day of the server, oli finally uploads a video onto his channel:

“day 1 on hermitcraft”

as an autistic jew, passover is objectively the best holiday because it’s a dinner party with a script that everyone has to follow

as another autistic jew, passover is objectively the worst holiday because i can’t eat any of my normal foods and that’s horrible

As a 3rd autistic jew, I agree with both, but *Also* passover is the best holiday because as long as I can reapply a special interest to the pesach story I can talk about it whenever

But its the Worst holiday because there is mandatory cleaning with a deadline before

As a 4th autistic jew I think there are merits to many of these points but wanted to bring up that the food is basically the same every year, which is really nice and predictable

But passover also sucks because you’re expected to read with people watching you

4 Jews, 6 opinions. You did it, y’all! You brought that old Jewish joke to life! <3

dear the long-suffering Pearlescentmoon fandom trying to find fics that are actually about Pearl:

Hey, just for reference-

If you sort by best match descending, it'll start with fics which have summaries with the most amount of the word your searching for.

I got slightly jumpscared here XD

They're looking @ u with their autism eyes

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Did you know? Use the "computer" to chat with "transgender women".