boop

Kind of hard to believe there was once a time where a legitimate genre of post was "my mom says if this gets 2k notes she'll buy me a doughnut" and everyone would just. go ham

I vote we revive this shit.

Y’all, if this post gets 2k notes I’ll buy my own damned self a doughnut.

Y’know what? Yes. If this hits 24k by the time I wake up on 21 June 2023, I’ll get myself a dozen. And a big ol’ coffee to go with them.

What will you do for 100K?

50K is fancy grilled cheese and tomato soup.

100K... Either a steak dinner, or a trip to the German place. I would make a poll if I could, but I’m too old and cranky to figure it out. XD

FOR THE GRILLED CHEESE!

TEAM GERMAN PLACE GO GO GO

We’re getting closer!

Whichever day this hits 75k I’ll get myself a cookie to go with my lunch (and will post pics)

Wait that was a side blog??? Lmao it's all coming together now

Nope, just an enthusiastic fan and cookie enjoyer. :D

Well then I need to make serious plans for myself now

I'M HIJACKING MY OWN POST

IF THIS GETS 100K I WILL TREAT MYSELF TO A FANCY AFTERNOON TEA

*scrolls down to this reblog* Oh. Wait. Fuck those apologies.

HELL YEAH FANCY AFTERNOON TEA!!! GO GO GO GO!!!!!

#op i want you to get that nice dinner

#and hijacker you too get that nice tea

This is the funniest possible series of comments on this post

You know, between this and the other post you created, we could just tag @neil-gaiman​ and see if there’s a response. For funsies.

Team German Palace I believe in you!

@kaity--did @thelittlescrimshaw up for some classic tumblr stupid?

Well now I want grilled cheese

Tags via @maculategiraffe

Sadly, the first person to be diagnosed with autism, Donald Triplett, passed away 2 days ago. He was 89. That's how recent the diagnosis as a category is.

May Donald be at peace, and may his memory be a blessing to all who knew him.

Because apparently folks are confused and not looking shit up, this is the missing “sub”. It’s literally a metal tube.

It fits 5 people.

There’s no crew y’all. This isn’t Disney’s Atlantis. There’s one guy who presses a button on a Logitech controller to go up and down. Everyone else is whoever can afford a ticket.

Hope this helps cause I’m seeing some wild ass claims in the comments.

Reblog to give a bouquet of violets to a bisexual woman or lesbian.

Elon Musk’s attorneys are immolating themselves as we speak

unbelievably bad news for everybody who inhabits planet earth: it's bloggin' time.

today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket 

today on satan makes a blog post

Life tip: if someone slashes 3 of your tires, slash the 4th one yourself and blame it on the person who slashed the first 3. Now, your insurance will pay for it.

Life tip: If you slash 3 of their tires, hide out nearby until they discover their slashed tires. Take pictures of them slashing their fourth tire. Show police when they arrive on scene. Convicted of insurance fraud and still have to pay for tires.

i feel like i’m reading a Spy vs Spy comic in text format

you absolute dumb fucks. Slashing tires is really dangerous and many cars don’t even have tube tires anymore. Cum in the fuel tank

Idiot, that’s indecent exposure in a public location. This is a one way ticket to the sex offender registry.

What you wanna do is lay down some nails or other small sharp objects at the end of their driveway. somewhere they won’t see but will absolutely drive over. this will cause their tires to slowly deflate. They can’t claim insurance on their own negligence to check for sharp objects in their driveway. It is their driveway after all. They should know not to leave nails there.

you can bring cum in a bottle to the car. If you had more than one brain cell you would plan in advance

If you used the one that’s bouncing around in your skull like a windows Screensaver you’d know that the way you worded it implies that you are doing it on the spot rather than pouring it in. If you expect people to read it as you’ve now described you should’ve said “pour cum in their fuel tank”, which implies the cum was prepared ahead of time.

i want someone to cum in my fuel tank 🥴

I hate this website

i love the people i find on here, i need to put you in jars and examine you

All these people and not one landed on “key their car.”

Ok, pedantic insurance bullshit again (debate me later, I also have to live here and exist and pay for shit), but!

1. Whether your insurance covers your tires is really dependent on a lot of things, so there’s no way for me to say “yes this is true” or “no never” because the answer is “what state are you in and who is your carrier”.

2. If you put regular old sugar in someone’s gas tank you have just entirely fucked their car good and proper with no indecent exposure.

Love,

Insurance bro

I had a very young kid with a hereditary heart condition come in today to be seen. My colleague excitedly told him that I play “that ‘dungeons and dragons’ game just like you do!”

The kid deadpans me with “I DM for 8 people who keep splitting the party, I think that’s why I’m really here.”

Relatable, kid, relatable.

tbh the best way that i explain to other people what it feels like to live with an anxiety disorder is the one time when i had to get a fingerprint and background check done for a job and i, someone who has never received so much as a speeding ticket my whole life, spent thirty minutes panicking that i would fail because i might secretly be a criminal and have no idea 

This is the most accurate post on anxiety ever.

something something panopticon something something psychological effects of a surveillance state

When the tunnel is out the party never ends

Yesterday I almost cried because my baby cousin ran up to my grandmother and was like. “Ha! Buhbuh ba ha.” And she said okay you want to show me something? And he led her over to the garden patch and crouched down and pointed at rocks and plants and was like. “Ah. Habah ba ah” as she listened attentively.

And I was like that happened 1,000 years ago. Probably 10,000 years ago. Maybe 100,000. The youngest human in a group went to the oldest one and said to the best of their ability “come see.” And the adult went.

this is such a beautiful post it doesn't need my dumb addition, but i can't fit this in the tags. at the archaeological site Dolni Vestonice in the Czech Republic there are a bunch of really really fascinating finds and I'm only going to tell you about one tiny detail of one of the most interesting sites in the world.

at this settlement 20-30,000 years ago there lived a person who appears to have been a sort of sorcerer-grandmother-ceramics artist and her workshop was preserved very well in the sedimentary layers. her hut where she had her kilns was full of little sculptures of animals and people that seem to have been made to explode in the kiln on purpose, we're not sure why but nevermind. the relevant detail is that when you sculpt something with your hands and then fire it, your fingerprints can be preserved in the surface of the clay forever, so we have fingerprints of ancient ceramics artists that have survived for tens of thousands of years. and one of the major artifacts from Dolni Vestonice has a fingerprint on it that is so small it could only have belonged to a child

so this shaman-grandmother-sculptor, who was buried with her pet fox by the way, had children running through her workshop and touching everything she made while she was at her mysterious work of creating the world's oldest ceramics, none of which appear to be bowls, bottles, pots, or any "useful" items at all, but rather a collection of animal and human and sometimes anthropomorphic figures, some of which appear to be self portraits. exactly the same as sandersstudios' grandmother being led to the garden by an excited baby. we've all been the same for 30,000 years.

so true bestie

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 🏳️‍🌈

To all of us who’re just a mess ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎

Oh boy, this is getting notes again!

Hi, everyone, enjoy the little cartoon, avoid the notes and yes, I still fully identify as queer c: 🏳️‍🌈

Okay so I ecently used the men's room as an openly transmasc person for the first time

The line for the stalls was crazy long and not moving so I asked what was up- buddy next to me was like "someone's doing drugs in the back stall"

So I went (security guard mode) "?? Has someone checked on him? Is he concious and responsive??" Getting ready to bust in, right?

And the guy asked if I was a cop

So yeah I didn't get gender policed but I did get police gendered