She’s picking him up from kitten school and he’s telling her about his day

is that what your parents told you when you woke up and your pet elf was gone

There are still gems to find out there in the forums

My favourite Da Vinky twins trans ally moments:

Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence

Northern Cardinal, 4/10

I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.

American Robin, 1/10

Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.

House Sparrow, 10/10

You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?

Tufted Titmouse, 1/10

A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.

European Starling, 9/10

Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.

Carolina Wren, 3/10

This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.

Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10

If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.

Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10

It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.

American Crow, unrated

For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.

Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10

Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.

Stay tuned for more criminal activity!

the cheese always falls off the top shelf if i open the door too fast

this is truly a magnificent beautiful picture of cheese falling down

Its like cherry blossoms cascading from trees in the wind

まなてぃーなキセツなのです

It's the season of the manatee...

Mr J swimming with the manatees.

！！！！！

just had the weirdest interaction. this off-leash Yorkshire Terrier wobbled up to sniff my ankle, and then its owner said “the vet wanted to euthanize her”

and I was like “……oh”

and she said “4 years ago. she had a stroke, but I went to church and prayed to the Virgin Mary, and now she can walk again. but sometimes she drops, which is why I have this stroller”

and I was like “oh, okay.” I didn't know what to say after that, so I was just like "it's a cool dog" and kept walking

I hateee the "Mandela effect" no dude alternative universes ain't shit its just humans have piss porn memory get over it

"forgetting Pikachu's tail color is proof the universes are crossing over 😳" do you think aliens built the pyramids too

Hey uh I think your phone auto corrected poor to uh

You know how it is

op came from the piss porn universe

No I’m pretty sure piss porn exists in this universe too. 

Drain fly (Clogmia albipunctata)

Photo by Alexey Sergeev

turns out crested gecko feets can’t stick to Mac screens very well

a comedy in 3 parts

[id: Trifle, a brown and orange spotted crested gecko, sliding down a MacBook screen slowly while trying to climb]

Oreo crumble isopod

oooo its the fuckin wizard

The Washington Post, Washington DC, June 11, 1916

LOCK UP YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS! HERE THEY COME!