arch druid nastyboy

I have to say that “warm gentle glow emanating from the shell of a turtle” is without a doubt my favorite genre of lamp

i step out onto stage clad in full corpse paint and death metal regalia and start playing the most middle-of-the-road soft rock you've heard since 1974

i think it's important for most people's mental health to have a space where they can safely and unashamedly express being horny and i don't mean milquetoast tongue-in-cheek "oh step on me mommy" jokes or whatever i mean capital h Horny

this is wholly genuine btw. repressing aspects of your personality 24/7 is actively unhealthy and damaging and you have to accept that sexual desire does not exist separately from your other personality traits.

in the same way as it's good for you to have somewhere where you can express your anger or grief or joy without filtering it through layers of irony to make it palatable to an audience, most people stand to benefit from having room to be openly sexual in ways that the format of socially-acceptable "relatable comedy" doesn't encompass

A bread is one of the most vulnerable animals on earth of all time. It can die in a number of different ways, which include being smashed, being old, being rottened, being crumpled up, getting too hot, having water put on it, and having water not on it but being in the air a lot (the water (mist)). The bread’s favorite way to die is being eaten, but the world is a complicated place, and it does not care for what the bread wants, and so it dies in a variety of ways which are not the preference of the bread.

Humans are considered the bread’s natural predator, and also, are the bread’s mommy (make/give birth to the bread). Humans are a large species of ant or plant or ele phant with two grasping appendages which they use to give birth to the bread. They also have one hole which eats the bread, and some other holes, which the bread is not allowed near, generally.

Some bread can go in the fridge. Some bread has fruit in it. Scientists don’t know why, as putting fruit in the bread is considered yucky, and scientists have difficulty imagining an organism that likes yucky things.

There is the anteater, which is an organism that likes yucky things, but scientists do not need to imagine it, because it is real.

god remember that militant vegan tattoo artist who "specialized" in cow designs and was giving all the cows dog noses

it's kind of a microcosm of militant veganism right? this person making thousands of dollars doing dopey twee tattoos on other morons and no one involved has ever actually looked at a picture of a cow, the animal they claim to revere

oh my god. how is she STILL doing this

this is what a cow looks like btw! this is what comes up when you put "cow" into any search engine!1!!!!! @bovineblogger back me up here!!!

Wow this website even manages to have bad taste in fake songs...

It will forever haunt me that I cannot share this joke with everyone I meet

I will be reblogging this every time it comes on my home page, thank you.

if i were a woman, i would tweet “ginger snapped so jennifer could body”, but i’m not a woman, and i don’t use twitter, and i haven’t seen jennifer’s body, and i don’t make a lot of money or have a car or look nice

and i don’t dress well or know how to tie any knots besides the regular one you tie your shoes with. my taste in music is lacking and i need a haircut

Ants are a form of thing, known for travelling in cliques. They are small in size, unknown in color, and bashful in temperament. Every ant has two appendages they use to hurt other beings, and four appendages for other activities. Scientists have discovered many types of ants; gay, Protestant, electric, and chill. Their wealth is considered low.

I'm learninf so much

hush little baby dont you cry. mamas gonna buy you a big horse fly. and if that big horse fly dont fly. mamas gonna buy you another horse fly

[club mix] another horse fly. another horse fly

learned today (after googling it upon seeing the "Sadomasochism Brothers" post) that masochism was named by a psychiatrist who had read Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's erotic writing and was like "I feel safe in concluding that this man had Fucked-Up Freak Sex Disorder, which now until forever will bear his name", while von Sacher-Masoch was still alive. there are accounts of von Sacher-Masoch being like "bro what the fuck" about this

As with the horse poll, please regard these options as sliders. The extent to which each one deviates from 1/6th of the total will determine the amount that canine aspect deviates from the "average."

I will draw the dog we make. :)

It's time to make our dog! Let's look at the stats and compare them to an average looking dog.

And now let's adjust Our Dog's proportions accordingly.

Looks great so far! Let's put this dog together.

Wow! Wow. That sure is a dog. Probably.

Honestly you can say the same of any line cook