I'm Trying

I also can’t stop thinking about the scene where Jack drives up to Wyoming after Ennis sends him the postcard telling him he got a divorce.

The whole entire scene is just so awkward and loaded, but I think what really got me this time was Ennis.

We all know what Jack is feeling, because he’s always been pretty vocal about his desires and he’s pretty obvious with his body language. He had all this excitement and hope, only for it to be dashed and while I think he’s a little bit angry in the moment, I think the overriding feeling for Jack is disappointment.

But for Ennis the entire thing is such a weird rollercoaster, because he never intended to imply anything by sending that postcard. It wasn’t him saying he wanted to start a new life with Jack or anything.

And I think it’s interesting that his first reaction on seeing Jack is a sort of delighted, affectionate surprise. A shake of his head at the speed with which Jack comes barrelling in, but his “what’re you doing here, huh?” is all affection and softness. And he doesn’t hesitate at all when moving to hug Jack, either. It’s only when Jack mentions the divorce and moves his hand to the back of Ennis’ neck that Ennis starts pulling away, acting wary again.

Even so, he still looks really, really happy to see Jack. It’s only once Jack starts talking about how he’d had to search to find where Ennis had moved to that he starts to realize why Jack’s there and what’s going on and the misunderstanding that’s happened.

And I think a big part of Ennis’ inner conflict is his uncertainty. I don’t think he’s uncertain about his love for Jack, but I do think he’s terrified of anyone finding out, which is not a feeling Jack seems to share. I also think he’s got no sense of stability and so no way to figure out how to stay in one place. Physically, but emotionally as well. He’s spent these last 20 years moving from place to place physically. But I think he also couldn’t ever allow himself to get emotionally attached to Alma, and both because of his work and his emotional distance he’s always kind of dodging promises or commitments to his daughters or any other potential love interest as well. And while he loves Jack and I think part of him genuinely wishes they could be together far, far more, I don’t think he quite shares or understands Jack’s belief that they could do or be anymore than what they already are. That’s the difference, how it’s always been: Jack operates on a “things could change, they could be real good” belief, and Ennis is operates on a “we’re stuck with what we’ve got and what we know, and if we can’t fix it we’ve gotta stand it” belief. And I don’t think it’s that Ennis is unwilling to let things change or be good (although I do think part of him is kind of scared of that), I think it’s just that he’s never had that sort of outlook and so he doesn’t really know how to think that way.

Anyway, I think all of Ennis’ declarations of “I’m real sorry,” in this scene are very, very genuine. Not only does he know the kind of excitement that Jack must have driven up here with, I think he also does desperately wish he could spend time with Jack. He even briefly introduces him to his daughters, something that he kind of implied to Alma that he’d never do. But obviously his explanation and apologies aren’t enough to quell the disappointment. Jack probably built a whole scenario in his mind on the drive there and to have it come crashing down on his head is crushing.

And it’s so sad to me that he only manages to get out Jack’s name, and there’s so much in that one word: “are we still okay,” “I’m sorry,” “I know you’re angry and disappointed,” “I didn’t do this on purpose,” etc etc.

But Ennis’ body language as Jack gets back in the truck isn’t just one of disappointment. I think that’s there in droves, and I think there’s some shame there, that Jack misunderstood the letter and came all this way and he had to let him down like this. And even some anger or frustration, that he can’t change things, and that because of his feelings for Jack he continues to live like this. I think there’s also a lot of fear there–and in the way he’d said his name just a moment earlier–fear that someone will find out, sure, but also a clenching fear that this might mean it’s all over. Again, Jack is pretty vocal about how little they get to see each other, and I think there’s fear that this is the last straw.

Because throughout the whole scene, at least on Ennis’ end, there’s this undercurrent of softness. He’s not doing any of this deliberately or defensively. It’s just how life keeps turning out. But I don’t even think he’s trying to make excuses or anything. He’s genuinely sorry, and he’s just trying to explain what’s going on. The whole time, his facial expressions and body language hold a measure of affection and gentleness and ease that we don’t really see him have around anyone else.

In the end, he’s left standing there feeling like shit because he knows he hurt Jack. But there’s not much he can do. He’s left trying to figure out how to stand it, how to keep going despite the sorrow and frustration and fear and all that. Ennis gets hurt because he refuses to build anything up, because he refuses to take risks because he can only imagine the negative outcomes. So the people he loves wait and wait until they can’t take it anymore. And the thing is, he doesn’t mean to do any of it, it’s just that I don’t think he has the ability to imagine that anything good will come out of certain kinds of chances.

Which is why Jack is left crying in his car. Because he believes in the positive outcomes of those chances, and he’s willing to take risks, but I don’t think he quite realizes that the only life Ennis knows how to live is one of a weird sort of soft transience, where he can’t be tied down to anything emotionally or physically, because he’s never known that, and because he’s terrified of it. It’s just that, for the past 20 years he’s had Jack in the back of his head, so he can’t settle down anywhere emotionally because of that, and he can’t settle down physically partly because of the nature of the kinds of work he finds but also partially because he can’t settle down emotionally. He’s always ready to drop everything, or nearly everything, to go off with Jack. But as they get older, he can’t really do that anymore. So he’s stuck being “nothing” and “nowhere” because he’s always ready to drop anything for Jack for a short term, but he’s not willing or able to imagine actually settling down with Jack long term.

I said no to Marion Guthrie’s plan, despite having no alternative and at the risk of losing the entire endeavor, because I refuse to situate a man in a position where he might interfere one day with my ability to repair things with you. You are the bravest person I have ever known, the truest person I have ever known, and I betrayed you, and it sickens me. I am so sorry for working so hard to protect the wrong things, for failing to see that there is nothing important that does not include you.

“Managing [Silver and Flint’s] relationship as it relates to Flint’s sexuality is, I think intentionally complicated… in a way where we were constantly aware that the cop-outs would be easy and sort of trying to avoid the cop-outs, but also trying to embrace how complicated it would be for Flint to be in that relationship.”

“[We] just wanted to own that and let a lot of things live in subtext. I think the moment you make them text, that’s the cop-out. The cop-out is making it seem like it would be easy for him to address this.”

jonathan steinberg

sorry I’m just……. steinberg and levine read treasure island and decided flint was gay. they were like we want to make a pirate show and we think treasure island would be an effective and satisfying way to hook the audience in. so how do we make flint a compelling character well of COURSE he was a gay man who was rejected by society and dedicated himself to tearing down that society because they were wrong, not him, only the narrative was distorted by prevailing oppressive systems and that’s why he’s the ultimate villain of treasure island and his legend has become a horror story. also the reason long john silver was “the only man he ever feared” was because they were in love and terrified of what that meant. and michael bay and starz were like “oh worm? here’s x million dollars”

—  Black Sails, XXXVIII (April 2, 2017). Written by Jonathan E. Steinberg & Robert Levine, directed by Jonathan E. Steinberg.

gif meme: black sails + favorite relationship ( requested by @daeneryssansa )

I believe in this place.

INTERVIEWER: It seems as though Flint’s love for Silver was stronger than his good sense towards him. He seems to have known, deep down, that Silver was going to betray him, and yet he stood by his side anyway. Did Flint ultimately care more about Silver and their partnership than Silver cared about him?      

STEINBERG: I think that relationship is meaningful to both of them. It is singular, for both of them. We’ve never seen Silver invest in someone, in this way. So for him, it’s very new. It’s the first one of these relationships that we are aware of. We’ve seen Flint invest in people before, but not in this way, where he has allowed himself to be both Flint and McGraw, openly, and found some measure of comfort in that state. So for him, it’s new, also. I would argue that it’s not a contest, as to which of them felt it more deeply, but I think it was definitely meaningful. Personally, there wasn’t ulterior motives in their affinity for each other. It is genuine and it is complicated, in the way that it’s always complicated when you love someone. You don’t always make the best decisions when that thing is threatened. It’s very hard to conduct a post-mortem when relationships like that are involved, in terms of figuring out what promoted you to do what. That felt true and right, and I think we resisted the urge to simplify it, when given opportunities to, because it felt like it suddenly became less interesting.

[source]

#interviewer: flint obviously loved silver more than silver loved him #steinberg: hold on… [via @whatagrump]

Forgiveness? What forgiveness are you entitled to while you stand back in the shadows, pushing James out in front of the world to be laid bare for the sake of the truth? Tell me, sir, when does the truth about your sins come to light?

One thing that I love about Black Sails is how it shows that “civilization” is no more civilized than the groups it considers itself above. We learn that the pirates sometimes sell slaves and sometimes free them, but civilization is built on slave labor and has a huge interest in keeping as many slaves as possible in chains. The poor are forced to go to debtors prison. The “civilized” British aristocracy sees nothing wrong with a father locking up his own son in a mental institution. It’s not just criminals who rape, but “civilized” Englishmen like Anne’s husband. When Miranda realizes that Peter Ashe betrayed her and James for money and power, he says “You wish to return to civilization. That is what civilization is“ - i.e. civilization is not actually more civilized than the criminal world, it’s just those same evils organized and legitimized and put behind an attractive front. Slaves are called “laborers.” Children being sold to men who abuse them is called “marriage.” And yet the narrative that certain men are monsters while other men are not is still upheld and the only reason is that some of those men have power and the rest don’t.

The pirates aren’t criminals because they steal, they’re criminals because they steal the wrong stuff from the wrong people. The English steal men, women and children from Africa en masse, steal land from indigenous people, and hire privateers to steal shit from Spain and France, but that’s “civilized” stealing–because ultimately they can get away with it. 

And I love how the show presents us with civilization’s point of view before we get the full picture and then reveals how our assumptions were wrong. Before we know why Flint murdered Alfred Hamilton, we get a grisly picture of a senseless murder in the dead of night and it seems “monstrous.” It’s only later that we learn that Alfred Hamilton’s death was pretty fucking well-deserved: he destroyed Flint and Miranda’s life and the life of his own son because he hated them for simply loving each other. Murder is a monstrous act, but Flint is no longer the only monster.

Then Woodes Rogers completes this theme by coming out of nowhere with one of the most gruesome, cruel and sadistic murders of any character on the show–keelhauling Teach. None of the characters (or viewers) knew what he was capable of because they didn’t know his backstory, but the show is essentially showing us that we made the wrong assumptions, again. Just because this guy is from “civilization” he’s supposed to be civilized? Hell no, he basically skinned a man alive, slowly, and looked bored while doing it, then went home to his wife and acted like nothing had happened.

Not only does this show tell a story about marginalized people, it tells a story for marginalized people because it corrects the way the story has been told up until now. It shows us that history was not written in an unbiased way, that there were monsters on the side of civilization. The queer people who have been erased were always there. Same with people of color. Same with women. Same with people with disabilities. Men who decided what was “civilized” and what was “shameful” simply had more power. 

And so a queer man is called a “monster.” A disabled man becomes a one-legged “creature.” The men are called “animals” and “beasts.” The first time we ever hear a racial slur on the show, it is from the mouth of a man from civilization, who after drinking and whoring ridicules Max for knowing how to be “civilized.” The contrast between them could not be more stark, and the whole thing could not be more ironic.

Max’s line about looking in the window of the house as a child really hits this point home: in that room was peace, but it took awful and unspeakable things to make that room a reality. That is the contradiction behind “civilization.” Behind its veneer are monsters and animals that claim to be enlightened men. When you get right down to it, civilized means “educated, refined, mannerly” not kind, just or good.

They took everything from us. And then they called me a monster. The moment I sign that pardon, the moment I ask for one, I proclaim to the world that they were right. This ends when I grant them my forgiveness, not the other way around.

…love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart. - M.A.

Know no shame.

“[Flint’s] relationship with Thomas Hamilton, the initial friendship and then them becoming lovers, is sort of like– it was the realization of himself. I think he became himself with Thomas Hamilton.” — Toby Stephens

#I think the scene with hennessey and alfred is probably the hardest scene for me to watch in the whole show#despite miranda’s warnings james was SO completely blindsided#he really had NO idea that the man who he considered a /father/ figure#was leading him to that room like a lamb to the slaughter#and he truly just realizes all at once that his whole entire world has just…ended#‘EVERYTHING ENDED’ he tells silver. everything. /EVERYTHING/.#watching him stand up against the wall and panic is honestly too painful. I feel like I can’t breathe every time I watch it.#[CROAKING SOUNDS]#on a semi-brighter but still Disastrous and Painful™ note#I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE THE SCENE ON THE RIGHT HAPPENED!!!!!#I WATCHED LITERARY LEGEND CAPTAIN FLINT COME OUT TO LITERARY LEGEND LONG JOHN SILVER OVER A FLICKERING FIRE ON ACTUAL TELEVISION#WITH MY ACTUAL EYEBALLS#what a time to be alive!!!!!!#I need a minimum of ten more Thomas Conversations >:(#if season four doesn’t heavily feature john lying awake at night tormented by questions such as 'but what was thomas’ favorite soup’#then I don’t even know anymore folks (x)

They paint the world full of shadows and tell their children to stay close to the light. Their light, there reasons, their judgements. Because in the darkness there be dragons.

My truest love…

her word will be the last word for this place.