nobody cares if you hate build. go away.

re: the future of this blog:

over the next few days/weeks, i’m going to queue up everything in my drafts and clean them out. there’s about 1600 posts, so it should stay active for a while. after that, i don’t know what i’ll do with this — if i’ll post again, leave it as an archive, or just deactivate entirely.

to be honest, it’s become a major challenge to engage positively with this show or fandom (or really, any fandom) after the scandal went down. most of my year has been spent being angry, making myself persona non grata within the fandom, and shouting into an increasingly barren void. i made my own bed, and i’m not denying that, nor do i regret it. that being said, there’s no point in pouring the amount of energy, effort, and time i want to into something that now just feels like slamming my face into a brick wall. some spaces just don’t have room for me, and i’m really thinking they never did in the first place. again, it’s not something i say with self-pity, it’s just a fact of life. not everybody belongs everywhere. it is what it is.

so i don’t know. there are WIPs in the hopper. maybe they’ll be finished, maybe they won’t be. maybe the blog will continue after the queue runs out, maybe it won’t. there are people who are going to be committed and productive and keep their blogs going and their fanworks active. i’m not going to mention anyone by name bc it turns into a weird favoritism pissing contest; you can find them on your own.

i’m not definitively saying this is the end because nothing shows you up faster than committing to it. signs point to very probably, but who knows what will happen in the future. in the meantime, i’ll queue up the posts and let them run. once that’s done, it’s anyone’s game.

Today, We Are Happy (8885 words) by Arvari Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: KinnPorsche: The Series (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Pete Phongsakorn Saengtham/Vegas Kornwit Theerapanyakun Characters: Pete Phongsakorn Saengtham, Vegas Kornwit Theerapanyakun, Macau Theerapanyakun, Porsche Pachara Kittisawat Additional Tags: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Porn, Domestic Fluff, Smut, Relationship Problems, Lack of Communication, (they're gonna learn though), Injury Recovery, Soft Pete Phongsakorn Saengtham/Vegas Kornwit Theerapanyakun, Vegas Kornwit Theerapanyakun Needs a Hug, Pete Phongsakorn Saengtham Needs A Hug, Major Character Injury Summary: Pete loves Vegas, of course, loves him more than anything in the whole wide world, and nothing can change that. And he knows that Vegas loves him at least as much, probably more, but neither of those facts seems to be making the relationship any easier to navigate. No, Pete never really expected his life with Vegas to be easy, but he sure as hell didn’t expect it to be so hard, either. He thought they would simply click, like they clicked during their safe house days. He thought there would be problems, yes, but he expected they would be able to solve those, to talk about them, because that’s what adults do, right? Turns out (shockingly), that neither of them really knows how to communicate – in fact, their attempts to do so only tend to make matters much worse. It’s not Vegas’ fault, obviously, that the slightest bit of what he perceives as criticism completely extinguishes the light in his eyes and makes him withdraw, just as it’s not Pete’s fault that the moment he sees it happen, he takes back anything he said that made Vegas so sad. *** Pete and Vegas' relationship isn't nearly as smooth as they imagined. Will they be able to work through their issues, or will their stubborness prevail?

can you believe i woke up this morning and had an inbox notification that the wonderful talented ultra-generous @thearvariblues had gifted me brand-new smutty, angsty, utterly delicious VP fic? i devour every fic that gives vegas' injuries the space and weight they deserve and this does that in spades. it hits on the disconnect, bitterness, and confusion of being in a body that once worked right and now doesn't and won't ever work right again -- absolutely necessary and underexplored stuff, coupled with the growing pains of two idiots who aren't quite sure how to be people, let alone in a relationship. there's so many lines in this that just hit at the ugly core of being in that hostile body, and i treasure this fic because of it. <3 gonna read it four more times tonight.