THIS SONG SHOULD HAVE PLAYED HERE

Been a good while since I stitched my first shitpostsampler pattern. Here’s a dump: part 1

They’re also displayed on my instagram: sisestitch

Submitted by  siseja

New sewing machine: Nooo I need software updates.

My 1904 Singer 15: Just put your back into treadling, I can sew through more layers than you dare to attempt and I will still sew through them when the sun burns out if you remember to oil me

My digital watch from like 2004: perma-dead. You think a new battery will help? It laughs at your pain. It mocks your futile scrambling. Nothing can bring it back

My pocket watch from 1872: tick tock bitch

I want to apologise to

- Britney for making fun of her when she had her breakdown

- Monica Lewinski for judging her when she was a 22year old temp sexually assaulted by the most powerful man in the world

- Ke$ha for ever thinking she was trashy when all she wanted to do was make party music

- Kristen Stewart for ever thinking she was dumb when she’s actually one of the coolest people ever

- Megan Fox for ever thinking she was just a slut when actually she was an actress being harassed by her employer. 

- Hating all the women who made a career out of having a hot body. Being is shape is hard, beauty is a weapon and auto promotion is hard work. 

- All the Mary-Sues, who exist because young girls everywhere want to be part of a story they love so much

- All the female characters I ever snobbed because they got in the way of my ship.

- Hating the color pink during my teenage years, when it’s actually a lovely color and what I resented was society’s pressure to perform femininity. 

- For ever saying “I’m not like other girls” because I am exactly like other girls, I just don’t want to be treated the way the world treats girls.

Congratulations, you found the GRIDDY’S DOUGHNUTS Secret Menu! Order wisely.

Times are troubling and hard right now-but never forget, your Beet loving Grandmother loves you very very much and wants you to be safe.

And for you to eat your vegetables.

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

LISTEN-

Not all of them. 30 and 50 aren’t spelled with the letter e in it …

father god 

…if you can split a number in half evenly, it’s even. 30 and 50 are odd.

-_-’

(15+15=30

25+25=30)

25+25 = 30? You sure about that??

Lord have mercy….

Bye

3 days into 2018 smh

LMAOOOOOOO

One

Three

Five

Nine

And since everything else after that is a variant of these numbers, then all odds have the letter ‘E’.

🗣YOU FORGOT SEVEN!!

It keeps getting worse.

LMAOOO WHAT IS GOING ON

My head hurts…

This is why that Tumblr University shit was the dumbest idea ever just look at this

who failed yall?

IM SCREAMING

You whole ass forgot about eight - a number with an e and is pretty fucking even

why would 8 be brought up if it’s EVEN in a post about ODDS??????? the post said “every single ODD number has an ‘e’ in it” not “every single number with an ‘e’ is odd” what the fuck

3 days until 2019 and we’re still here

happy New year’s eve

I’m going to bring this flaming dumpster into 2019 so future generations can see what a mistake Tumblr was

Er, guys two is odd and doesn’t have an e. Just saying…

did you deadass just try to tell me two is odd? i’m fucking crying throw the whole website away

Reblogging for the last one😂

The one thing I notice is that no matter how much you want to throw this site away, you just can’t.

TWO IS ODD?!?! PFFFTT I’M SCREAMING

Wait what about zero that’s an odd number ,no?

ok but hear me out fifty and thirty make up for the fact they have no e by the way they are pronounces third-E fifth-E

bro why do 30 and 50 matter THEY’RE FUCKING EVEN

what the actual fuck is happening

1 is an even number

I’m gonna smack you

-30 and -50 have an e in them

Wait why are we so quick to throw away the Zero idea

Zero isn’t a number

It can’t be divided by two though, can it

It can??? 0/2=0??

OD NUMBERS

onE

thrEE

fivE

sEvEn

ninE

OD numbers huh?

Anything that ends with a 0,2,4,6,8 is even and the rest is odd (1,3,7,9) stop freaking out y’all

YOU FORGOT 5

DUDE WHAT ABOUT FOUR

What about it?????

THAT DOESN’T HAVE E IN IT

THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S EVEN?????

A R E Y O U G U Y S O K A Y

21 days away from 2020, folks.

Please tell me I can start the new freaking decade with a post arguing about something as stupid as this. Please. 🙏

This is art at its finest

one week to 2020 dudes

I’m so done

Im so upset that even with all the “zero is odd” “no it’s not” stuff no one bothered to point out… It doesn’t matter. Zero, 0, zEro

But zero isn’t odd. It’s fucking the lack of a number. It’s neutral. It’s empty. There’s nothing there

Zero is a number.

A definition of an even number is that it can be divided by 2 and the result is a whole number. Since you cannot divide zero, you cant divide it by 2 and that means that zero is an odd number.

zEro, onE, thrEE, fivE, sEvEn, ninE, ElEven, and then the suffix -teen and every other odd number in english contains the names of the numbers 1 to 9.

zero is not a goddamn odd number what. even i know that and i’m not good at math. also you can divide 0 by 2, it’s 0, you literally just divide it  and you just get 0 out oh my gosh. you can’t divide by zero but you can divide zero. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parity_of_zero

https://www.britannica.com/story/is-zero-an-even-or-an-odd-number

https://www.scienceabc.com/nature/zero-odd-even.html Quote from this one “ So, technically, [zero] is even. In fact, it is the most even number there is.”

also does anybody on here ever look anything up or? this is making my brain physically hurt. christ.

NO. NO FUCK YOU ALL WE ARE NOT BRINGING THIS SHIT INTO 2020. WHOEVER BROUGHT THIS BACK DID IT ON PURPOSE AND I WILL FUCKING HUNT YOU DOWN FOR SPORT FUCK YOU. FUCK THIS.

This post was an absolute train wreck and I’m cursing my followers with it

Damn you

“Anyone can do math, even gay people”

Bitch, are you sure???

This post is amazing. The Chaos is pleased.

Is this fucking number discourse

No but just out of all the things it’s about numbers

Just that it’s weird is all

The internet is weird, you should be used to that by now.

Yeah that’s true

At least the cum soup post was less weird than this

Uhh I’m sorry the what

Oh boy here we go again

How many times have I done this so far

I’ve done this like… three, maybe four times so far

Do you really want to know

You can turn back now

Please why did I have to see this post I had midterms today and my brain is already dead I don’t have enough brain cells for this

I had never seen this before today and I told my grandma about it and she’s shaking her head in both humor and disappointment. Good job everyone!

This is the longest post but yall forgot 6

And 1,3,5,7, and 9 are odd numbers. 5 is an honorary even number, but it is still odd.

This post should be illegal

Welcome to the motherfucking internet, get this mess back on my blog, it got better.

Yaaaaas 😍

IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE FRED & DAPHNE

FUCK YOU AND YOUR BITTER JEALOUS LONELINESS HOWARD STERN

YES SO GOOD!!!!!

And she will be a completely different woman, but that’s alright.

Most folks with this guy’s mindset will go far in life. 

I’m still proud of the fact that a couple of years ago, I tweeted to Sarah Michelle Gellar and asked if Stern had paid up on his bet. To my great surprise, she actually replied and said he hadn’t and he owed them money. 😂😂

here's a transcript:

>walking home from a party late one evening >several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as shit >catch me in some random student neighbourhood >oh shit, my ass is about to be beaten >still in talking phase >lights flick on in a house >three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent >"What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!" >guys start yelling at them to fuck off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >"Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!" >all three of them draw rapiers on their belts >guys run >"I know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale, stranger!" >spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in an machine shop accident >stagger home completely drunk with a hat

I had no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house.

in addition to two comments reading "FUCKING EPIC" and "THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS" op elaborated further in another post:

Holy shit, is this still being posted?

I figure I owe /tg/ a bit of an update on these guys.

Their leader, O he of one eye and little common sense, nearly had his visa revoked for these kinds of shenanigans. One too many arrests meant that his right to stay in the country was contested, and he had to go to court to defend himself and prevent his visa from being revoked.

I was his ride to court, and had to testify to the board that he shouldn't be deported for lack of common sense or social normality.

His defense? A written speech, about three pages long, about the rights of man, the education he has received here, and the opportunities for a one-eyed machinist. The spirit of his crimes were all in defense of people who would otherwise suffer. For other witnesses, he had some of the random people he'd helped out, including one memorable point where a woman, nearly on the verge of tears, pointed out how he'd taken on a guy threatening to rape her and carrying a knife by whipping out a fencing saber, disarming him, and mocking him in his thick Swedish accent so that the girl could call the cops. Something like a dozen people all showed up, explaining how this dude, despite his eccentricities, made the country better.

He was not deported, and lives here to this very day, stalking the streets in musketeer garb, rescuing drunks, and dispensing his own brand of justice.

The superhero we deserve

All for one and one for all gents.

No cops only one eyed sweedes with rapiers

THIS SONG SHOULD HAVE PLAYED HERE

There are some particular pairings where I’m just like… “Yes, hi, I know this is a fluffy Coffeeshop AU. Yes, I do understand that. But, frankly, I must ask you if you know that it’s just not really this pairing without at least one murder going on in the background? Yeah, yes, I know we can all do whatever we like in fanfiction. But it’s just never going to feel like those characters and that relationship to me, personally, unless the characters still have their bizarre backstories and their VERY SUSPICIOUS skillsets (adapted for the AU of course), and every single customer who walks in immediately gets the sense that this coffeeshop is a front for something. There just needs to be murder happening here, I’m sorry. It’s just not them without the crimes.” 

*still on the Imaginary Fanfiction Helpline* “Yes, we COULD have an extended and exhilarating conversation about how experiences shape people and how well-written characters are no different, and I’ll get to that. I also understand that experiences can be adapted in AUs to create similar enough personalities and values in a character, so that they still feel like themselves. Which is, to step further off-topic for a second, why the character-building in truly GOOD Roleswap AUs and Canon Divergent AUs are masterpieces, developing characters and relationships in new and interesting ways with the boundaries canon has set, and why badly done canon remixes can fall really flat. 

*deep breath* “HOWEVER, my point here is that, no matter what the AU is, there are some characters (and relationships) for me personally who are inseparable from that they are bleeding or cause bleeding or see bleeding on a regular basis. Like, there are some characters who can be softened when adapted and I’m fine with it. For those characters, the fanfiction author says, ‘I have downgraded their trauma to something in the same vein but less intense.’ And I’m like, ‘Sure. Sounds good.’ And they say, ‘I have made this reprehensible villain into more of a minor nuisance.’ And I can be like, ‘That’s hysterical. I love it.’ And THEN there are characters and pairings where the fanfiction author goes, ‘I have made changes.’ And I just have to quietly let myself out of the fic like, ‘Yes, sorry, excuse me, coming through. You do you, babe! Don’t let me stop you! But it is integral to MY personal enjoyment of these characters that they are always sketchy, feral bastards with blood on their hands.’ 

*pause* “YES, EVEN IN COFFEE SHOP AUs. DO NOT BRING UP MY LONG-STANDING VENDETTA AGAINST COFFEE SHOP AUs. IT WAS JUST AN EXAMPLE AU. THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. 

*another pause* “What? Complain to the authors about this? Offer unsolicited concrit on their fanfiction? Excuse me while I scoff with disdain. I have MANNERS, thank you; I wasn’t raised by wild animals. If I don’t like the choices made in the content I am getting for free that someone is writing purely for fun, I leave quietly and then I vague-blog about it. Excuse you.” 

#this is why i can’t enjoy spuffy aus sorry