T.G.I.F !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank guns im friday. Last night.My husband went missing in the darkness but i found him flat on his back in a field. And all around him chunks of dirt were missing from the ground. Shephards pie for dinner
the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i went nonverbal, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
you CANNOT just leave this in the notes 😂😂😂
this is true. he is a gay man in a committed relationship that i sort of helped set him up in and was already at the time as well. Which is a big part of why i was so surprised by the sudden pivot
not to mention he (me) is in fucking brazil
we're so star-crossed 😔💔💔💔
yeah boss i don’t tbink he’s the guy youd want to be quoting on that ☠️
fucking. what?
I feel like this picture really gives it context
you know how it is with spaghetti
?????
a little autobiographical piece about the internet
I subscribed to UNNAMED STREAMING SERVICE a few days ago and gave the login info to all my friends, as one does, but one of them went in and turned on 2-factor authentication and set the phone number to her own cell phone, locking me out of the account
It was an accident and we got it fixed but for a brief moment the betrayal and fury was so great I blacked out and was possessed by the spirit of like a 19th century naval officer, I was pacing around my room like "TO THINK THAT JUDAS HIMSELF NUMBERS HIMSELF AMONG MY COMPATRIOTS"
hey slurt
The Ring: If I had a quarter for every time a hobbit picked me up, I’d have two quarters. The Ring: Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.
Of all the bearers of Sauron’s ring, 4 of them were hobbits.
I was wrong. It’s 5. Not 4
The lineage of ring bearers is as follows.
I love how Deagol counts as a ring bearer even though he had it in his possession for all of like five seconds
He held it for the rest of of his life!
[Image description: Tweet by @banalplay saying “but something happened then that the ring did not intend. it was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a hobbit, the same fuckin thing that just had it for like 500 years.” End Image Description.] Link to original here. Otherwise reblogging for the final rb there, which made me cackle.
From the ring’s perspective:
1. Home, the finger of my creator and other self.
2. Well, I don’t like it but I can work with this. Cause some trouble, get some revenge, find my way home, this is fine.
3. What the fuck is you?
4. Right personality, wrong species, I don’t know what you are but I hate you and I don’t know why you’re so resistant to my powers.
5. NO NO NO there are goblins everywhere how did I find another one of THESE horrible things. This one’s even more resistant than the last one and also disgustingly nice. I suffer.
6. Listen, I’ll cooperate, just get me the fuck out of this hellhole full of small cheerful people my power doesn’t work on properly. No, not like that. I hate you. Please stop.
7. FUCK
8. (Frodo again) I still hate you with every molecule of my mortal form but at least you’re not number seven. Think I’m starting to get through finally.
9. (Smeagol again) YES it’s you I actually missed you now get me back to the Master and NO FUCK NO I HATE YOOOOUUUUU…. *fzt*
you CHAIN The One Ring?! you chain it like the prisoner?! oh! OH! trauma! deep psychological trauma for hobbits for One Thousand Years!
Heh. :)
Behold! The printing titty!
I normally tag these posts “specific ass machines” after a minor meme that blew through Tumblr, but I was tempted to tag this one “specific boob machines”.
(Artist meow25meow seems to have had their Twitter account nuked and I cannot find any other original source to link to.)
wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”
he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.
after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”
anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”
half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.
and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.
This was the entire statement... wow they're not even hiding it anymore.
one of my favorite tropes is when your group of main characters has been split up for questioning and they’re all answering the same questions in a neatly-spliced montage
my favorite trope is when the stories blatantly and hilariously conflict
bonus points if each interview is wildly unhelpful/off topic but in a manner that is in character for each person
it’s almost that time of the year again, so you know what that means
You know, that’s fair
I just saw a story on AO3 tagged "pet p!ay"
TIK TOK MUST BE STOPPED BEFORE IT DESTROYS LANGUAGE
Ok, unless something's going on I'm not aware of (extremely likely), I gotta point out the term "Pet Play" is significantly older than Tik Tok, or most of its userbase for that matter.
Yeah, I'm not mad about using the term "pet play". That's a perfectly fine term. I'm mad because they didn't use that term: they used "pet p!ay", a censored version
Oh. Oh gawd I missed that. Objection withdrawn, that is objectively terrible.
To anybody who is new to posting on ao3, if you’re using a tag you have to use the correct spelling of that tag. People aren’t going to type in every version of a censored word to hide or look for your content 
For everyone new to tumblr, the same rule applies to tumblr too.
fuck elon and fuck x, formerly twitter
it's crazy people will acknowledge death and suffering directly resulting from the profit motive of corporations (e.g. cobalt mines for tech companies) but it's never called "victims of capitalism", yet even people dying of covid were tallied as "victims of communism" in a right wing news outlet
It's mind-boggling how many types of death can actually be attributed to capitalism. Every time a life is threatened as a result of cutting costs, that is a threat created by people owning capital trying to preserve as much of their capital as possible.
The deaths of miners in cobalt and mica mines are caused by mine owners preserving their capital by not making the working conditions safe.
The deaths caused by water pollution-related diseases are caused by corporation executives preserving their capital by not recycling and utilizing their companies' refuse properly.
The deaths caused by climate change (heatwaves, floods) are caused by corporation executives expanding without investing into properly balancing it ecologically in order to grow their capital faster.
The deaths caused by preventable diseases are caused by pharmaceutical company owners patenting cures and vaccines to internationally tie their use to their capital.
Many suicides are caused by horrible working and living conditions caused by company owners exploiting poor regions in order to expand their capital faster than they would be able without the exploitation.
There are also accidents and diseases caused by unsafe products that should be recalled, but the recalls would reduce company owners' capitals, so they are not carried out.
Literally tens of millions of deaths caused by nothing else but the fact that people are able to own capital.
Every time I see this I lose my marbles I love it so much. "For some reason I yelled who is in here as I was falling" is the point where my soul leaves my body. God I love.
{begin transcript: ‘we went from “golden age of prestige tv” to “please stream my show the first weekend or i might not get a season 2’ to ‘every season of this television show has been wiped from existence for all eternity for tax purposes.”’/end transcript}
