Am I the Asshole for refusing to wash my sister's boyfriend's things?
I (22 NB) have a little sister (19F) with whom I used to be very very close. I'm talking she was my best friend, the person I loved the most, someone that I could rely on even when we had little fights here and there.
It all started when she and her boyfriend (20M) got together. At first nothing really changed since they were best friends before and kinda dating without dating, and I was genuinely really happy for her. I knew him casually from him being her friend and thought he was okay.
Our sibling relationship has really deteriorated ever since they started dating, though. I saw that she was starting to do unreasonable things for his sake (like almost peeing her pants because she didn't wanna "bother his family" by asking for the bathroom after driving an hour and a half to pick him up) and it raised some alarm through all our family, but she doubled down and basically barricaded me out of her personal life as much as she could. Blocked me everywhere, texts to make sure I'm not home if she's gonna be around, that kind of thing. It really made me sad, but honestly its not like I can force her to have a relationship.
Now here is where I might be the asshole.
She's gotten into the habit of playfully "stealing" stuff from him and just leaving it around the house. We have tupperware, cutlery, and of course SO many clothes all belonging to him. I usually do some chores like the laundry when I can, and it used to include her clothes. But recently I just got fed up of doing laundry and having to wash this guy's stuff. He's not even MY guest, and I don't see why I have to wash his underwear when he very reasonably can do it at home.
I told my sister that if she wants to wash his stuff here, even if she's the one wearing it and not him, she has to do it herself. My mom backed me up on it, but my sister got really really upset because she feels that I'm setting this boundary because because I have a classist prejudice against her boyfriend. She said that I am already washing her clothes and my mom's, and the only difference is that they're not as expensive as ours, and so I must have a bias against him.
(For context: One of the reasons I don't like said boyfriend is because he tells my sister she's morally worse than him because we're middle class and he isn't, and I think its super hypocritical that they talk like that and still ask us for a LOT of money for their dates and stuff)
I hadn't thought about that when I talked about the clothes, honestly. I was just sick of him being this invisible roommate I didn't consent to having there. But now I'm wondering if my bias is actually showing. I know I'm privileged, and that privilege is often invisible to those who have it, so now I'm wondering if it really would be so bad to just shut up and ignore his clothes mixed in with ours when I do the laundry. Just because I don't like him doesn't mean I have to be bigoted towards him.
Tldr: My sister's boyfriend is of a lower socioeconomic class. I don't like him for a variety of reasons, but mostly I refuse to wash his clothes with ours and told my sister to do it herself. She accuses me of having a bigoted bias towards his stuff because its not as "nice" as ours.
AITA?






