Whatever this is

cackling at this, can NOT believe it's a real, actual quote. it reads so much like one of those clickhole pieces

I was tagged by @flower-crow to do this picrew (I used the alt version, if anyone needs it 🫶) - thank you very much! 💕

Tagging @ukulelette, @metalheadspiderv2 and @vedrividia if they want to + anyone who wants to! ✨

Hair is not even close and the eyebrows are damn near in the hairline but it's the best I could get 😂

Tagging @siredtolizzie @dirtj0b and @thatwritingho

Me watching a man kill a bug that wasn’t doing anything and wasn’t near him

Always a delight to find out that a silly guy is also a horny slut

Star Trek craft book, I am begging you to describe this craft project in literally any other combination of words

Overwhelmed with nostalgic sadness

(yearns for a past that does not exist) (yearns for a past that does not exist) (yearns for a past that does not exist) (yearns for a past that does not exist) (yearns for a past that does not exist)

Do you miss Dethklok? Just want a tiny bit more?

I’m not sure how many people are aware, but I’d thought I’d spread the word anyway-

There were DVD special clips of unscripted Dethklok interviews, some tv extras, other little tidbits and it’s extremely important to me that they are seen and HEARD

First of all, there’s a classic of Dethklok listing bands for over 20 minutes. It’s so dumb but nothing has made me smile so stupidly like this has. They all hype eachother up, Toki goes sicko, it fucking rules.

There’s also Skwisgaar teaching us how to play guitar. If you’re into silly degradation by a bimbo Swedish guitar god, this is probably for you. He also…sells us a guitar? 

You obviously got Nathan Explosion reading Shakespeare (not really) and then he does it some more! (Not really)

Dethklok just…watching NASCAR. (Part of the reason why I think Murderface is from the deep south)

(A non-video one, which is surprising) Revolver interviews Nathan Explosion, in which this goth himbo realizes he doesn’t remember being borne

Eddie Riggs roadies for Dethklok. Reminder to all the Jack Black was/is a large fan of Metalocalypse!

Charles gettin drunk with the band! (This one might’ve been in the show…I don’t remember)

Murderface goes to the opera and talks awkwardly on the phone for too long. Like, way too long. Seriously.

Don’t like Murderface? First of all, how fucking dare you. Secondly, you can listen to Charles Offdensen on the phone instead! Maybe they’re talking to each other!

Toki vs Skwisgaar staredown, courtesy of @doomstar because I forgot it! Skwisgaar, honey, your homosketuality is showing.

Dick Knubbler interviews Murderface and Toki over the song ‘Takin’ it easy’ (a classic)

Pickles the drummer is drunk is public. That’s the whole thing.

You can listen to Facebones selling you Dethklok references or even Facebones giving a special Mordhaus tour!

Facebones listing types of klokateers? Sure! How’s about Facebones (also the scientists) explains moshing? Not your cuppa tea? That’s ok, you can listen to Facebones…names… places…

A memorial for the dead klokateers, very emotional. Also Inside Mordhaus; The Klokateer story, which sorta gives us a small view into the true intensity of the job.

SoundGarden’s ‘black rain’, which pretty heavily includes Dethklok in the music video. It’s actually a very cool reference.

A ‘fact or fiction’ interview that’s actually pretty recent, all things considered.

There’s also short ‘interview’ clips. Dethklok talking about;

It’s just nice to get a little extra content, ya know?

my grandparents have to lock their car doors when they go to sunday mass because people have been breaking in to unlocked cars and leaving entire piles of zucchini

i feel like i should’ve added more context when i posted this. my grandparents live in a rural area where farmers and casual gardeners alike are, at this point in the year, suddenly being hit with unexpectedly abundant zucchini crops. there aren’t just some random vandals leaving zucchinis in people’s cars for the hell of it, this is the work of some very exasperated, probably very elderly, folks who have more zucchini than they know what to do with

Yep. You can also expect to find a bag of zucchini on your porch.

My grandfather once found his neighbor stealing his tomatoes out of his garden at three in the morning. Red-handed, with a basket of the nearly-ripened ones.  He thought he was going to find gophers or something, but no, here’s Henry, taking his tomatoes. The best ones.

There was a long pause between them.

My grandfather (allegedly) said, “Henry… it’s OK.  You can take some tomatoes if you want them.”

Henry sighed in relief.

“But,” my grandfather said, “you have to take two zucchini for every tomato.”

There was another long silence.  “That’s a harsh bargain, John,” said Henry.  “But I accept.  I’ll tell Joe up the street, too.”

My grandfather said, “Tell Joe he needs to take three.”

a friend of my dad’s came by in the middle of the night, he seemed very nervous when my dad answered the door. he wouldn’t come inside but he leaned in and whispered to my dad in spanish, “i have some fresh grapes for you.” and then this happened:

the melon was a special bonus.

MY DREAM

A friend of mine lives in a rural area and he has been surrounded by zucchini for most of May, June, and July.

At one point he was so done with the whole zucchini madness that he came to classes actively begging people to “Please please please!! Take some my family’s damned zucchini!! I’ve been eating zucchini for weeks!! I’m going insane!!!”

Having grown up in a rural area and having come home to zucchini on the front step or in the mailbox, i find it highly amusing the OP had to clarify.  I’m sitting here nodding “yup.”

I have a friend with a garden in Oregon who literally made Zucchini Chocolate Chip Cookies and sent them to me in Indiana. I texted her back “I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING HERE”

I’m waiting for the day when someone will hear about my background in Botany and ask me for advice on what someone who’s just wanting to start exploring planting vegetables should try.

I know fuckall about gardening because my background is wild plants and not agriculture, but I’m gonna tell them

“Zucchini. Definitely try Zucchini. Just plant plenty of them and you’ll get a decent sized crop! They’re very rewarding to grow.”

It may be a bit of a long game, but I’ll enjoy their screams of despair from across the void as they realize that they will eat zucchini forever

This is NOT an exaggeration, guys. Zucchini (and most squashes, really) will outgrow you so fast. Let our tale be a caution– or an encouragement, whichever. You decide as you hear the story of Squish.

When we were so broke we had to choose between gas and store-bought-food (I think I was about 10?), we had a garden so we could eat regularly (we also had chickens and pigs and hunted, but that’s beside this point). One summer, we planted 6 rows of yellow squash and 6 rows of zucchini. Each row probably had 10, maybe 12 plants in it. We created this giant squash-block in our garden plot so it was all right there together in the middle, and the needier plants like tomatoes were on the outside of the whole plot. We thought we were clever, til the first crop started coming in.

The outside two rows of each squash, yellow and zucchini, were normal. High yield, of course (because squash), but standard size for both summer squash and Italian zucchini. The inner 8 rows, however, created this hybrid monstrosity that we called Squish. It was pretty– a nice swirly yellow and green combination that made it clear the squash and zucchini had interbred.

Squish became a living nightmare for us. Something about the hybridization caused them to forget how to stop growing, or at least how to grow at a normal rate because those suckers were longer than my dad’s forearm, and bigger around than my (albeit child-sized) thighs. They didn’t get all hard and nasty on the inside, either, for some reason, like most squash will at that size. And they just kept coming. I don’t even remember seeing that many flowers, but every day we were pulling upwards of 20lbs of Squish out of the garden, only for there to be more the next day, or sometimes by the end of the day if we harvested in the morning. I don’t know where they were hiding, but it was like some sort of squash portal had opened into our yard and started crapping out Frankenstein’s Squashes.

At first, it was great. We could eat all we wanted and not worry about rationing it. But the growing season in Arkansas is long, and we had incredible weather that summer, so those darn things kept alternating flowers and fruit. Pull off a few Squish, new flowers budded out, and they ripened super-fast in the heat. We were absolutely swimming in Squish, because they were so big that even gorging on them meant only 1 or 2 got eaten per meal. (I think I recall using a few particularly enormous ones as swords for a duel with my sister, if that says anything about their size. I cannot overemphasize how absolutely, heinously gigantic they were. You probably don’t believe me but I am not kidding. Those things were bigger than a newborn by several many inches and a couple pounds.)

We had (luckily) a big deep freezer, and someone gifted us a bunch of freezer ziploc bags, so we started chopping them up and freezing them as we pulled them off. We ran out of bags real fast, so we caved and bought a ton more. We filled that deep freezer near to bursting. It was probably 3-4 feet deep, (as I remember barely coming up to the edge of it), and at least 4-5 feet long, about 2.5 feet across, and we filled it to the top with Squish. And that’s while we’re eating fresh ones every day with dinner! But still more Squish came before the first frost, so we started packing the fridge. And my grandma’s freezer. And my grandma’s fridge. And feeding them to the pigs and chickens. And giving them away at church.

Do you realize how big a deal it is that people who were so broke that they had to choose between gas and the power bill were GIVING AWAY FOOD??? That’s how much gosh darn Squish we had. And little did I know, but apparently, my dad HATES squash. He only planted them because they were a cheap, quick source of food and my mom loved squashes. And he got stuck with the folly of his decisions. For over a year.

Yep. We had Squish in the freezer for over a year. Eating it regularly. It lasted for over a year. A family of 5, plus often feeding my grandmother, we ate off a single garden’s haul for over a year. Of just the Squish. I tell you, if we’d had a farmer’s market back then, that Squish could probably have single-handedly lifted us out of poverty. Well, maybe not, but you get the idea.

We never planted both again, probably because my dad would have combusted out of rage if he’d ever seen another Squish in his life. But man those were the days for thems of us what loved squash.

So survival tip: If you need an absolute crapton of food, plant you a row of yellow squash and a row of zucchini, and keep that pattern going for as many rows as you like. You too can drown in Squish and love it.

Oh wow.

The last story is well worth the read. It might be long but I found it absolutely delightful! Thank you for sharing your childhood Squish gardening adventures!

Meanwhile, people are starving to death.

Ands What do you expect poor rural farmers who just have excess zucchini to do about that exactly? Mail them to Africa?

I was just talking to a friend today about gardening and she said “I’ll plant zucchini for this project.”

“Oh dear… what’s your damage control plan?”

“Oh,” she said, intuiting what I meant. “Eating the blossoms. Love stuffed blossoms. Pumpkin, squash, zucchini. It keeps the crop down, and you get lots of mileage out of them. You keep a mixed crop that way, too. Plus, people don’t always welcome gifts of zucchini, but they find gifts of blossoms exciting.”

This struck me as absolutely game-changing.

How is bnha anime of the decade...... they aren’t even anime of the hour of the minute of the second

The notes on this post were so toxic that staff just axed em

1969.........

Yes, when the original post is deleted from the server (not just the blog, but the Tumblr servers), there is no root post for notes to be added onto, and also no root post for time to be counted from, so it starts from zero. Most computer operating systems use Unix, which was launched in 1971 with t.he epoch date of midnight on January 1, 1970 as 1. Therefore zero is one second behind that date: December 31, 1969. Also, very unfortunately, this also means nobody except you and anyone you reblog it to will see this explanation, as you cannot open the notes to see comments when there are no notes.

imagine if aliens found the dead body of a human being exploded in the vacuum of space and they started making fun of the mutilated corpse calling it “splatter alien” and saying it was the ugliest alien in the whole galexy. and then made stuffed animals of it to sell to their alien kids. that’s what happened on this planet to the blob fish

fight the slander. post pressurized blobfish

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

An actual World Heritage Post

how does this post not have a million notes but anyone online can quote it

one week until ten years of Spiders Georg

idk i just feel like if you were actually attracted to women you’d be attracted to women in their default state not just exclusively in an outrageously plucked and preened one

like if you see a woman with body hair or whatever and go “ew that’s disgusting!!!” like you’re not attracted to women then bc women have stuff like that we’re born with it it’s literally normal and you think it’s disgusting

“i would never date a woman with leg hair, armpit hair, facial hair, saggy tits, cellulite, stretch marks, etc etc etc” great! so you admit you aren’t attracted to women then!

Anyway if you see this you have to reblog and tag with a delight from ur day -- even the littlest thing counts

This is the FUNNIEST SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN

Reblogging for cultural enrichment

bout time I brought back the Laurel and Hardy flex tape-

From The Killers, 1946. A Film Noir Classic

I’m an archivist, behold my growing collection was of old photos mirroring timeless memes I’ve come across at various places I’ve worked.

me: i don’t want to see jellyfish so i will blacklist the tag #jellyfish

people with no common sense: je11yf1sh, je11¥fi5h, j*llyf*sh, je//ÿf!sh, j3ï||yf¡sh, gel lee fisk

result: cannot account for the sheer amount of possible ways to alter the word jellyfish

conclusion: i have to see jellyfish now.

Once again, tumblr is not tiktok, tag properly.

no Male Author Moment has ever made me cringe quite as viscerally as the ending of Grapes of Wrath and that was a full decade before I found out about this

Sanora Babb’s own novel, Whose Names Are Unknown, was buried by the publisher after Grapes was published. It was eventually released in 2004, a year before her death.

This is so

Unnecessary

how do you explain to someone that this is your sense of humour

“What could the audio possibly be?”

*unmutes*

“Oh,”

If I ever don’t laugh at this, assume I died.