MergBerg

the aliens after we break them out of area 51 and they’ve been exposed to the internet for a week

Bandersnatch sounds like British slang for pussy

and yet “family-friendly” disney still hired him to play doctor strange. what a disgrace

this post is like getting smacked in the face twice

You are what you eat.

me trying to write a conclusion to my paper

our parking lots are a safe space

you ever have to shake your leg because there’s a rock in it?

thats your bones

every day i learn some more

Sophia, Beagle mix (10 y/o), Mercer & 3rd St., New York, NY • “She’s from Puerto Rico – her owners gave her up after the hurricane devastation. She very rarely barks; only when she wants to be heard. She’ll watch a dog commercial on TV and let out one bark. She’s a dog of few words.”

I love you

Even if you don’t fit in with your fam, you fit with me💛💛☺️☺️✨

reasons to shave:

✔️ hoo boy, it is warm out and I gotta cool off pronto!

✔️ I love feeling smooth sm….. I love feeling like a slippery slab of bacon….

✔️ FUCJ FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCKS IM ITCHY EVERYTHING ITCHES

✔️ I love the look of being clean shaven and that’s all there is to it!

🚫 some JERKWEASEL told you to shave

✔️ To provide better aerodynamics when being catapulted through the air

✔️ Gathering human hair for any number of spells, voodoo rituals or arts projects

✔️ Well I shaved my eyebrows may as well shave everything else while I’m at it

🚫 I’m scared some JERKWEED might say something if I don’t

@philosophical-wanton an EXCELLENT addition thank u

Reasons NOT to shave:

✔️hoo boy do I hate feelin the wind against my bare skin

✔️F l u f f y

✔️no time to shave

✔️too much effort to shave

✔️razor burn

✔️allergic to shaving

✔️I just don’t want to shave and that’s all!!

🚫shaving is for girls only

🚫hair makes u manly

You can do what you want with your body because it’s your body! Other people don’t control your body! Men can shave their legs too! Girls can be hairy too! Everybody gets to decide what they want to do with their own body!

fucking……yes…… go off…….. thank you @meanest-thieves-steal-blankets

alignment chart based on which piece of high school english class literature you actually enjoyed

I’m trying to get back to my original weight of 6 pounds and 11 ounces

in grade 12 we were reading romeo and juliet and we were at the romantic-ass balcony scene and this hot girl in the class volunteered to read juliet’s parts and i put up my hand to volunteer for another part and the teacher goes ‘oh do you want to be the nurse, amanda?’ and i was like ‘no i wanna be romeo’ and the hot girl swiveled around in her seat to give me a Look™

she and i later ended up making out at a bunch of parties in university lmfao

in retrospect this moment was absolutely pivotal to my butch awakening but it was also just a lesbian power move

every other youtuber: *channel inevitably dies due to scandal* 

jenna marbles: “we found out that my dog has a soap fetish, so here’s him reviewing different soap brands + we made him bed out of soap bars”

british summer is here.

[rain pouring] [thunder rumbling] [car horn blaring] “go on. wheyyyyyyy!! Oh no.” [in distance: “YOU IDIOT”, uproarious laughter] “why would you go through that. what are you doing. ahhh no, he’s actually floating!” “well of course he is. what a fucking bellend!” “what a knobhead!” “fucking hell.”

ASMR. Rain AND instant cosmic punishment.

potion that makes you breathe

Growing up in a hispanic household, this was able to cure everything from coughing to death

Turn on the sound and watch this raven mimic a human voice. This is Mischief the white-necked raven. These ravens are found throughout eastern and southern Africa, and are common near human habitation.  Like all members of the Corvidae family, ravens are extremely intelligent. They use tools to get food if necessary, and can even mimic human speech! (Source)

Okay but that’s not some Gilbert Gottfried ‘RAAAK POLLY WANNA CRACKER’ this raven actually sounds like a person what the fuck

I’m in Alaska and trust me, Ravens are hella smart! I’ve seen a crew of them opening up luggage in someone’s truck bed and having a great time strewing it all over the place. And there’s one near my home that does a spot on monkey impression. I have no idea where they learned it but I know those ravens get a good laugh every time I come sprinting out of the house all “WTF?! IS THAT A MONKEY?!”

“Hello” “hi. hi! HI!!”

lovecraft and his cat n-…

nnnnn-…

ummm…his cat’s name was uhhhh…

this is a picture of HP lovecraft with his cat

what was his name

oh no

WHAT WAS HIS NAME?

OH NO!

What was the cats name?

Oh

Oh dear.

It can’t be that bad.

Okay it was that bad

This was legit one of the funniest posts on tumblr. Not child bearing hips funny but up there