After battling a vicious cricket in my own room I realized that the only thing Patrick would be good for as a SO is getting rid of unwanted vermin. First time I ever wished for a Patrick Hockstetter in my life.

Instant backfire (sorry, friend): Hockstetter is absolutely going to put that unwanted vermin on your body, or die trying. Then (on the off chance he doesn’t choose to kill it or take it home), he’ll probably just leave it in your room again like the chaotic dick he is - have fun exterminating that shit on your own

Do the guys have any really bad habits? Like, dangerous bad? Hope you're doing okay!

Belch: Rubbernecking while he’s driving. Huggins may be the group chauffer, but he gets distracted like nobody’s business; if he sees a low-flying airplane, a pretty girl on the street, or anything else even slightly outside of the Derry norm, he’s turning his head all the way around to see it… straight-up forgetting about the road as he does so. Cue much swerving, much verbal abuse from Henry, and the occasional back-of-the-head smack from Hockstetter.

Henry: Binge-drinking/chain-smoking. Henry started smoking at nine years old, and had his first drink at 11. Long story short - he may look like a prime example of youth, but he has the lungs and liver of a 47-year-old (and one that lived hard, at that). The guys have watched him smoke through colds and drink through hangovers more than a couple of times, and (despite the occasional intervention attempt from Victor) he shows absolutely no signs of stopping.

Patrick: Never wearing a seatbelt. If anything gets Patrick Hockstetter, it’s absolutely going to be his lack of regard for basic safety; on a regular basis, he does things that would give Eddie Kaspbrack a full-on panic attack (i.e. lighting piles of leaves on fire and leaving them, consistently walking around town after 2.a.m., chasing after wild animals, etc.), but his refusal to see the relevance of wearing a seatbelt is probably one of his worst moves. Belch may be a good driver normally, but the guys get wasted together almost every other day - and a person can only do so well with a blood alcohol content of .19. Will the long, lanky boy go through the windshield one day? I think yes.

Victor: Letting his feelings get the best of him. Criss may put up a cool, unbothered front (he often strikes people as coldly logical upon first meeting them) but he’s a man largely ruled by emotion; Victor has done some crazy things when he’s upset, some of which have even exceeded the intensity of Henry’s anger. Although he doesn’t take his feelings out on other people, Victor tends to implode, exposing himself to great harm as he does so (i.e. speeding around backroads high, wandering around abandoned properties, starting to leave town, then turning back, etc). All in all, Criss just doesn’t have good coping mechanisms - he holds himself together 95% of the time, but doesn’t know how to deal with the 5% of the time he loses it.