i love saying "get off my dick" even though i don't have one

i don't have a dick but you're still determined to ride it

stop removing usb ports and audio jacks and buttons from electronics stop it you're hurting them stop it stops top stop it

Teachers have tried this and are amazed when their classes don’t go feral like in the book.  It’s almost as if the book was supposed to be satire and not a treaty on the nature of humanity.

there’s a timeskip

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

after losing control of the signal fire there’s a FUCKING TIMESKIP and when the next chapter starts everyone’s hair is several inches longer and their clothes have rotted to shreds and they’re still just kind of chilling!!!!

IT TAKES THE TERRIBLE IMPERIALISM MIND-POISONED EXCESSIVELY BRITISH BOYS IN THE ACTUAL BOOK SEVERAL MONTHS TO COMMIT A SINGLE ACT OF INTENTIONAL VIOLENCE, EVEN THE ONE (1) CHILD WRITTEN AS AN ACTUAL SOCIOPATH

AND then when they DO turn on each other it is because

THERE’S AN UNSPECIFIED WORLD WAR HAPPENING

AND A PILOT’S CORPSE CRASH LANDS ON THE ISLAND POST-DOGFIGHT AND THE CHILDREN MISTAKE THE PARACHUTE FOR A MONSTER AND SPIRAL INTO PARANOIA

BECAUSE CHILDREN INHERIT THE LEGACY AND TRAUMA OF VIOLENCE FROM THE ADULTS WAGING WAR AROUND THEM

HURR DURR IN THE REAL WORLD IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN LIKE IN LORD OF THE FLIES -

IT DIDN’T HAPPEN THAT WAY IN LORD OF THE FLIES EITHER YOU JUST HAVEN’T READ IT SINCE HIGH SCHOOL IF EVER AND DON’T REMEMBER WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN THE GODDAMN BOOK

#tbf the dude wrote it to be a dick

yes. yes he did. i’m also gonna direct you to the real life ‘lord of the flies’ which occured in the 1960s, when six tongan schoolboys got stranded on a desert island for over a year before being rescued by an australian fisherman (who, it should be noted, later took on all six as crewmembers because the reason they were out in the first place was because they wanted to see the world, and named his ship the Ata after the island they were stranded on). nobody died. the only injuries that occurred were accidental, and when one of the boys broke his leg falling down a cliff, the others braced it and looked after him so well that it healed perfectly. if they argued, then they would literally go to opposite sides of the island until they’d cooled off. after leaving the island, they remained friends for the rest of their lives. here’s a photo of them as adults, with their rescuer (who is third from the left) and other members of his crew.

i read about this in rutger bregman’s human kind, a book i cannot recommend highly enough, but if you don’t want to go and read a whole book about the inherent goodness of humanity (which again, you really should) then the relevant excerpt can be found here.

slavoj zizek email is a mood

OUR COUSIN MADE IT TO THE NFL

This your cousin? What team is he in?

Our cousin

finger-licking good

and its ontological opposite:

toe-sucking evil

Colonel Sanders and Quinton Tarantino locked in mortal combat

The most beautiful footage of strangers dancing in public… https://twitter.com/Thorayaaa/status/1660180658646568967

its like a real life version of that children’s song with the magic bridge that you had to dance across

Highlights: --all the old people --one dude who starts doing the Cotton-Eye Joe and has the steps on lock --quinceañera girl with a dress bigger than the circle --lots of kids but particularly the dude who's doing the helicopter with his little girl --an entire section of Millennials doing dance moves I recognize, oh the nostalgia

Aaaaaah I love this

real

A black dragón floating above the clouds

So others need not squint to read “On March 11, 889 CE, 17 year-old Emperor Uda wrote:  ‘On the 6th day of the 2nd Month of the First Year of the Kampo era. Taking a moment of my free time, I wish to express my joy of the cat. It arrived by boat as a gift to the late Emperor, received from the hands of Minamoto no Kuwasahi.  The color of its fur is peerless. None could find the words to describe it, although one said it was reminiscent of the deepest ink. It has an air about it, similar to Kanno. Its length is 5 sun, and its height is 6 sun. I affixed a bow about its neck, but it did not remain for long. In rebellion, it narrows its eyes and extends its needles. It shows its back. When it lies down, it curls in a circle like a coin. you cannot see its feet. It’s as if it were a circular Bi disk. When it stands, its cry expresses profound loneliness, like a black dragon floating above the clouds. By nature, it stalks birds. It lowers its head and works its tail. It can extend its spine to raise its height by at least 2 sun. Its color allows it to disappear at night. I am convinced it is superior to all other cats.’”

“[list of traits common to many or all cats] I am convinced it is superior to all other cats” is the cat owner’s creed

It’s nice to reflect that for at least 1,200 years, humanity has been trying and failing to attach bows to cats.

everything about this image so clearly dates it perfectly i feel like i’m examining the rings on a great and majestic oak tree

I think there should be levels to the death penalty. Like if u kill one guy, then you just get lethal injection or whatever, but if you kill 30 guys, which is pretty bad, you get shot out a canon whilst silly circus music plays in the background. 

Guest Column: If Writers Lose the Standoff With Studios, It Hurts All Filmmakers

If the phrase “vocational awe” isn’t part of your lexicon yet, stop scrolling and read Fobazi Ettarh:

—Vocational Awe and Librarianship: The Lies We Tell Ourselves

I see it in every field I’ve ever worked in: publishing, open source software development, higher education. It describes pretty much every industry that relies on creativity, altruism, or both.

"please ruin my life mommy" type of gf material

AU where Eddie Brock begins a career as a podcaster because Venom wanted to be more included.