3 Bears & 10,000 Rats

Aliens: Wow you guys sure are completely normal and not at all indescribably horny.

NASA *beating the alien fuckers with a broom*: Yep. Just a completely normal species. no inappropriate lusting for extraterrestrial booty here, no sir. 

I couldn’t let this be hidden in the replies

*giant wind gust outside*

Me: “Don’t say it.”

My Brain:

EVERY FUCKEN TIME

Guy who made death stranding: Getting some real "Death Stranding" vibes from this situation

Here's a flower for anyone who has been struggling but continues to keep fighting: 🌻

this was the only way to guarantee your kid grew up indie

Source

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck.  Not bad luck.  I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!

“See him face”

I sure fucking do see him face

Him face

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (2)

Black Cat. :)

Reblog him face most definitely.

I’m reading bad sex awards finalists across the years

Writers, relax. Breathe. It’s going to be okay. You’re doing just fine. Your writing does not suck. Do you know what sucks? This. This sucks.

God, free me from the agony.

Reminder to self to read the Bad Sex Awards for the pure entertainment value.

Also… don’t write like this. Thanks.

venus MANTRAP IM DYING

You make me feel like I’m free again.

not me catching up on welcome to night vale while i do some editing for work only for an episode from 2018 to have the line “in all reality, the apocalypse will likely just be you, alone in a room, with the flu.” in the form of a bath and body works commercial.

Let’s not forget the 2016 Pfizer ad from Deb, the sentient patch of haze

Oh yeah. 

From WTNV ep 82 (2016) - 

“Deb: Shhh. Not everything can be an emergency.

Okay, then.

Human listeners, today’s show is brought to you by Pfizer. What does Pfizer do? What doesn’t Pfizer do?

Whoo! All the things Pfizer can help you with! We can’t even begin to describe it to you.

You know what? Pfizer is indescribable. How can you put it into words what Pfizer does? You can’t. You wouldn’t. No, you you absolutely would not. You would not dare describe what we do. 

You’re still trying to describe us in your mind, aren’t you? Maybe Pfizer wasn’t articulate enough. Maybe Pfizer can’t trust you. You have betrayed  Pfizer. Don’t say no.

Did you just say no?

Why are you always arguing with us!?! We give, and give, and give, and we never ask for anything other than money in return. We only ask for money, and that you try not to describe us in words! And what do you do? You give us lots of money, but you also try to describe us in words!

Pfizer. We can’t even with this right now.

Oh, stop!

Cecil: It sounds like you work for the pharmaceutical industry…

Deb: No, not you too, Cecil! I can’t be here anymore!

[Door slams]

Cecil: Wow! The door didn’t even move. I’m not even sure how she slammed it.”

From WTNV ep 160 (2019) - 

“John says he’s excited for his orange grove, which has been doing great ever since he genetically modified his crop to no longer cause teleportation across existential dimensions when consumed. Despite his excitement for orange sales, John says he’s worried about next year’s crop of invisible corn. He said he looked up summer 2020 in his farmer’s almanac and all it said was, “Wellll crap. Good luck.” “

Y’all just setting Tony up to get his ass beat (x)

the suit isn’t even made from iron, actually, but still…

Magneto, in arguably the best X-Men film in the series, used iron from a guard’s blood to break out of prison.

So……

I wish all Magneto a very Beat Tony Stark’s ass.

MCU fan (derogatory)

Mt. Rainier

no way