Are you challenging me, Quinton?

Booping

Man, there was a time i would get excited about tumblr April Fools

"Sweater Weather" by The Neighbourhood is still the most romantic, sexually charged song, and also the only one that can make me regret being single every time I hear it.

aoi looks cool

a while back i deleted that taylor swift post because it was poorly worded. Idc if a bunch of swifties hate me, they're harmless (unlike kpop fans). I care if a bunch of swifties hate me and I AGREE WITH THEM. Imma redo that post

When are we getting that Splatoon prequel where we play as Cap'n Cuttlefish and commit war crimes?

I am so fucking strong, Skinamarink entity barely even wants to spawn anymore no matter how many layers of child abuse metaphors I'm on

You find an old man lying on a bed. He beckons to you.

>Approach him

You approach the old man. He reaches toward you with one hand, like a gangling pale branch. You grasp it firm. He whispers to you.

"Help me, young one. I am not long for this world. Just once I want to live free from the encumberance of... of these."

>"These? What do you mean by 'These,"?

At your question he looks at his own hands, then his gaze drops down his entire body from beneath the sheets, resentfully scanning every part of himself from chest to toe.

"These! These things that make me up, make me move, make me eat, make me nourish them. Like a slave I've worked for this loathsome union of cells, and now that they are dying they are taking me with them... Long ago, within my mother's womb, a few lone cells, mitochondria, nuclei... they plotted on a way to propogate and survive. Combining their powers and multiplying, the union of thousands, then millions, then billions, and then TRILLIONS of cells came together and formed their lifelong servant... For years I've lived under their dictation. Worked to earn food to keep them content and propogating, medicine to stave off their deaths, and feared the punishment of their discontent... I've lived in fear of my cells' cruelty and treachery. Their threats on my livelihood in the form of pains, illnesses, tumors, hunger..."

The old man's grey eyes look at yours, beseeching.

"Just once, please, for only a few seconds, I want to live unchained by them. To truly be my own kind."

>"I'm sorry. It is impossible to remove a plurality from its individuals."

>Give the old man your Shrooms and teach him how to Astral Project

everyday for the past few days I've been like "Wow, another day without buying fast food! I feel so much healthier already!"

goes home and eats a bowl of rice, a bowl of soup, eight pickled plums, two whole boiled eggs, chips more chips and more chips so just so so many chips, half an ice cream sandwich

z

To the idiots who install public bathrooms with latches and locks that don't work, explain why you deserve to live right now.

Every day at Sundown you meet a cult of ten campers who, after spending an hour eating soup, immediately leap off a cliff and die. They are the same ten people every time. They never seem to have to travel TO the campsite by the cliff, they just... appear from the tent itself when you're not looking.

Turns out they've found a way to live forever, but it's a cursed existence where they only live one hour a day, spend it by the cliff side, and then jump off the cliff, only to immediately respawn the next day one hour before they have to do it all again. They will never grow old or perma-die as long as they stay in this cycle.

A horrifying existence, but everyone seems content, and the soup does smell pretty nice.

Legend of Welp! #324

Ganondorf: These accusations are unfounded! I have treated you as nothing less than the most valued nemesis I've ever despised!

Zelda, stuck in a gem: Sure sure. We'll find out if that is true once Link gets here.

Ganondorf: I protest your suspiscions! They're ridiculous! They're-!

*Suddenly, to Ganondorf's shock, Link barges into the room*

Link: Ganondorf! It's time to slay you and free Zelda, Hyrule, and all the world from your tyranny-!

Zelda: Link, dear, would you be so kind as to look at me with your Lens of Truth?

Link: Er... Right now? Okay then...

*Link takes out the lens of truth and scans the imprisoned Princess Zelda as ganondorf desperate mouths "no no don't" while waving his arms around trying to silently get Link's attention.

Link's eyes widen, he sweats nervously. He takes a look at Ganondorf, too late realizing what's happening. Uh oh...*

Zelda: Well?

Link: It's... it's...

Ganondorf: No no no no no don't say it don't tell her-!

Link: . . . Cubic Zirconia.

Zelda: I KNEW IT!

Ganondorf: Princess, please I can explain!

Zelda: I thought our enmity was special you frugal brute!

*Link awkwardly backs toward the exit*

Link: Um... you two seem like you need to sort some stuff out... I'll... I'll just come back later.

Fuck, what number of Legend of Welp! am I on again? Gotta use Tumblr's awful tag seach feature...