how do i forget you when my entire being reminds me of you.
i’m so in love and it’s not at all pretty like the poets describe it to be. it’s disgusting it’s terrifying it’s nauseating.
now that i know you exist, how do i not love you.
- butterflies rising
there’s a string tied to our hearts and when u walk away from me it tugs a little too hard and it hurts, it physically hurts to walk away from you.
i love cold wind, blankets, cold feet, cuddles, rubbing cold feet against each other, spooning, warm hands warming cool hands, body heat, i love winters sm.
i love wind so so much i love how cool my skin feels, i love how it blows through my hair. i love wind so much it makes me feel something i don’t know how to describe it makes me wanna cry, it makes me so happy, it makes me wish i was w the person i love so that we could warm each other with our body heat, hold each other when the cold wind blows through.
i love the feeling of getting “clearer” as you get older, like with each year there’s less room for messing around or pretending or playing a game with something you know deep in your heart is not right for you. it’s like your brain just gets better and better at cutting you off as you consider something and tells you “no that is not for me” before you can jump in. and it’s not as if things get more serious, but the opposite. you have freedom in giving yourself more and more permission to purposefully live life and go after whatever you want and to love freely knowing that things are secure in your heart and mind.. at least when i am struggling i know that the “clearing” is really what’s happening
Hands are very large and you can
leave an entire being on some hands, / But hands almost never know how to stay open, they always long
to seize, to close, claiming precisely
what you don’t want anyone to have of you
Pedro Salinas, tr. by Ruth Katz Crispin, from Memory in my Hands: The Love Poetry of Pedro Salinas; “Long Lament (Forgive Me If I Wait A Few More Years)”
the ability to sit down with another person and talk for hours about anything and everything is more attractive to me than anything else
oh, i love the way relationships develop their own personal language of love. when all that joy shows the way they love you. i love when it is a little icon to who they are, to how you get along with them.
my sister takes a picture of a dead bug and sends it to me - this is you. my friend asks me how the move is going; she put a reminder in her phone to check up on me. i put a piece of ice down my friend's back, he returns the favor by holding my phone over my head and making me jump to catch it. jason and i scream-sing green day while going all of 15 miles an hour down country roads. molly is who i go to for a quiet night in with 5 dollar wine.
i go out for dinner with them and have to step outside to take a phone call; when i come back they've ordered my favorite appetizer without needing to be asked. andrew and i have a long-standing tradition of him picking me up to spike me directly into the first soft-looking surface around. i don't even need to speak to my best friend - she and i will just look at each other and have an entire conversation. burst out laughing at 3 PM, high and cackling like we're evil witches. i just moved by myself into a new city - my brother keeps introducing me to his friends that now live close to me. he always says - oh yeah, this is sibling and then pretends to ignore me. for days now, my family has been in and out of my apartment, just tinkering with things; making sure i am settling in nicely.
i usually have watermelon instead of cake for my birthday; kim forces a full yankee candle into the rind so i can have something to blow out and wish on. for 20 minutes on a saturday, all us grown adults crawl into one bed to have a cuddle puddle like we're in high school again. every 20 seconds someone starts giggling, and then we're laughing again. nick calls me from california; we both groan about the price of tickets, agonizing. miranda and i meet up in the city for the first time in years - without discussing it beforehand, the minute we lay eyes on each other, we both strike gruesome little gremlin poses instead of waving. dean always goes for the hug. joe always does a single firm handshake. sometimes i think about my friends and get so happy i just start crying.
oh, how wonderful to live in a world where affection is biologically ingrained in us. how wonderful that affection helps us build our single greatest strength - community. how wonderful that affection is our body's way of saying - thing is good, let's keep. how wonderful, this language, this skein we weave! to show the other person - i might not always say it. but i love that you live in me.
*accidentally bullies you in an attempt to flirt*
“let me take care of you” i think my heart couldn’t take it
i don’t think my i should be taken care of, it’s not worth it.
those random waves of love you get, you feel so warm and full, it feels so good it's like your heart's had an orgasm.
i wanna be read to by someone, i want to get lost in their honey like voice and the words and never come back.
the moon controlling the tides sounds like something out of a fantasy novel and yet…there she is…doing That…every day…
foxy-mulder-deactivated20190929
Hand kissing is sacred, high romance and I think we need to revive it