On the subject of Avafaidian’s accusatory post
Avafaidian made an accusatory post about me, referring to me by name, my main blog url (1-800-bug-zone), and my art blog/business identity url (meettheghost). Avafaidian accused me of rape and sexual assault. Avafaidian’s recount of what occurred in our relationship is untrue. It is my sincere hope to provide an accurate description of what happened between us.
Regarding events in March (CW description of sex):
The previous day, Avafaidian and I confessed having romantic feelings for each other. On the morning in question, Avafaidian and I were laying next to each other in close contact. In their post, they said that I was not aware that they were awake. However, I knew that they were awake because we were spooning and they spoke to me.
After I asked “may I?” and made a move by touching their breast, Avafaidian responded, fully cognizant as far as I could tell, “Oh, go ahead!” I asked them multiple times if they liked what I was doing, and they said “yes.” Avafaidian did not freeze up, push me away, or try to leave the situation. Instead, they held me closer and guided my hand lower.
Shortly after we were finished, Avafaidian initiated an open-mouthed kiss with me. Then, before we left for breakfast, they initiated a kiss with me again in a similar way. It seems unlikely to me that Avafaidian would seek out unprompted physical, romantic contact with me if they had been feeling unsafe around me at the time.
After the events in March, Avafaidian and I confided in each other frequently. We were open about our feelings and often provided emotional support for each other. The events in March were never brought up in a negative way in any of our conversations.
Between March and June, Avafaidian and I developed a text-based friends-with-benefits relationship in addition to our close friendship. Avafaidian would comment positively about this aspect of our relationship frequently. They also said on multiple occasions that they had “no boundaries,” but I still asked before sending explicit messages. I asked if I was being too forward, and they said no, and that they liked it.
Regarding events in June that pertain directly to me:
Avafaidian and I were laying next to each other in close contact like before, and I could easily tell that they were awake. I touched Avafaidian’s breast, and Avafaidian told me that they weren’t in the mood. I immediately removed my hand and apologized. We cuddled, then went upstairs. Their behavior toward me before and after that event was not noticeably different.
Regarding Avafaidian’s “final goodbye” described in paragraph 5 of their post:
At the time this conversation happened, Avafaidian and I were not as close as before because we had conflict that hurt my feelings. I told Avafaidian that I wanted to maintain some distance without ending the friendship.
During this conversation, Avafaidian confessed suicidal feelings to me, asking if I wanted to say anything to them before they died. They were not asking for my help, only for affection, as if they were only telling me to get a reaction out of me. It made me deeply upset and uncomfortable, but I still wanted to help.
While I was trying to convince them to seek help and not commit suicide, Avafaidian sent the following message: “I dont know whether or not I’ll get a chance to say it, but I do want you to know that I love you. I’ve been in love with you. And I’ve been scared to pursue anything because I wasn’t sure how well you resolved conflict which is important to me in a relationship. i pined after [Possum] because i never got to see how they dealt with conflict resolution. I feel like after everything came apart, and you still stuck by me, that showed me a side of you that I hadn’t seen. I was planning on asking you out. I think I do want to be with you, I really do love you. and i dont know whether or not I’ll be here tomorrow but i needed to say it sooner or later.”
Avafaidian knew about my feelings for them, and with this message they tried to use the promise of romance as bait to keep me in a relationship that I no longer wanted to be in. I rejected their confession, and said that my priority was helping them avoid killing themself. While I continued to try to help, they told me that they thought I didn’t care about them, giving me no choice but to prove that I cared by giving affection that I didn’t want to give, or to accept that I’m uncaring despite my best efforts. I refused to make that choice, so I ended the conversation and stopped speaking to them. About a week later, I blocked them. Shortly after that, they made a post accusing an unnamed perpetrator of sexual assault. The posts escalated until early October, when they accused me directly by name.
Avafaidian and I were friends with benefits. The two times we had physical sexual contact were consensual and boundaries were established and respected. It was only after I rejected their suicide-baiting, rejected their romantic advances, and finally cut contact with them that they began accusing me of sexual assault and rape. For these reasons, I believe their post was a false accusation and unjustified warning against me that has the potential to damage my reputation and jeopardize my business. I hope this post will help clarify what happened between Avafadian and myself.
